Handling Emotional Pain Part 1

[johnsmith]

This post has more than one part because of its length.

In my last post

healthunlocked.com/painconc...

I spoke about an event that took place when I was about 15 when I came close to committing suicide and a definition of Mind Rape. I also mentioned the possibility that movement had a part to play in the prevention of suicide. In this post I will discuss these issues further. This is early work on the subject. Hopefully people can explore this further. Like all early work it is an exploration for further research to get more definite answers.

Many people have read about the problems with child suicide. The child suicides been put down to bullying. In my last post I presented evidence that maybe the child suicides were not just due to bullying, but due to the mind rape or psychological abuse of children by parents.

Why am I writing this here. In painconcern we have an interest in finding ways to reduce pain - physical or emotional. I know what emotional pain is. I know at first hand the devastating emotional discomforting effects of certain life events. I know at first hand the emotional problems involved trying to get help for after effects of a road traffic accident. I know from personal experience that in many cases counselling does not work and it can make the situation worse. I know at first hand when seeing the Samaritans and being suicidal from chronic pain that the Samaritans were a waste of my time. The Samaritans were a waste of time so what enabled me to hang in there. It was the inoculation of nearly committing suicide when I was 15. A previous traumatic event helping me with later trauma.

In the process of writing this post I had a look at various strands of significant life events and things that I was doing around the time of these life events and trying to make connections.

My mother was a Roman Catholic. I had to go to church regularly. I have been to a Catholic school and went to a Catholic Sunday School. In the Mass one engaged in saying the Latin Mass (later English), praying, kneeling and standing. And saying things in emotional unison with others This had an influence on changing the emotional pressure I was under and changing the emotional body state. I did the “Stations of the Cross” at a service on Sunday. This changed the emotional body state. Movement of a particular emotional type was involved.

When I was 16 a girl a friend of mine got murdered.

I was present when my sister (aged 8, 9 or 10).had wet the bed. So there was a problem when my mother had come home from a theatre visit at two in the morning. My father did his best to try and stop some of the emotional abuse that went on. I was listening to this in bed. There was an explosive argument. My only thought was to get my sister away from there. I dashed in the room grabbed my sister and got her out. What I saw is not for repeating here. The movement involved in the event prevented the emotional memory becoming destructive and brought what was taking place between my parents from becoming worse. Movement of a particular emotional type was involved. The potential rape of my mother by my father as a result of events taking place was prevented by the movement. My mother grabbed the three youngest children and drove off in the car threatening to crash the car. My brother was phoning the police in panic. I come from a family of three brothers and three sisters.

At school I played Badminton. I did a paper round. I did labouring type work at the local garden centre to earn money while taking ‘O’ and ‘A’ levels.

I had interesting conversations with other adults outside the family. I never had counselling for what I saw or experienced. I did not need it. The movement activities I engaged in prevented the emotion ever getting hold. I had friendly conversation with adults outside the family such as: local Catholic priest, people at the Garden Centre, teachers at school, adults at the chess club, adults at the Karate Club. These adults were of major help in preventing negative destructive emotions. Conversations with teenagers my age did not unstress me while the conversations I had with adults did.

There is a book called “Mommie Dearest” by Christina Crawford. I recognise a lot of that in my upbringing in regard to myself and my mother. There was sheer terror at 2 in the morning when there was footsteps outside my bedroom. The rage and physical attacks my mother would display at this time, when an article of clothing was not aligned properly on a hanger or a if vest was not folded properly, were very unpleasant.

The movement activities I engaged in and conversations with friendly adults outside the family had an influence in my handling of what took place.

In about 1968 my parents were going to get divorced. My father would be leaving the family home and this meant that the little protection he provided from the activities and behaviour of my mother were being removed. At school I went to the room of one of my teachers in a fair amount of distress. The teacher let me in and closed the door behind her. I started to tell her the story about my parents impeding divorce. She stopped me and offered to make me a cup of coffee. I accepted the offer and she left the room closing the door behind her. After she left the room I burst into tears and was able to compose myself by the time she had returned with the coffee. She then provided constructive help and suggestions to help with the situation. I know that I would have been incapable of speaking about the problem in a room with an open door with the knowledge that others might overhear what I was saying or seeing me in a tearful state. I would have never sought help if I knew that what I told her would be told to other adults. How much different it is now. It is known that if you tell an adult something sensitive they would tell another adult. With an open door other people could hear what you saying. The subject is sensitive you do not want anyone else to hear. With an open door you could also demonstrate your distress to other children who could take advantage of it to their enjoyment and your detriment. Note: my father paid for me to live elsewhere when taking ‘A’ levels. My father had spoken to the local Catholic priest who obtained my accommodation with one of his parishioners.

In the mid 1970s and 1980s I engaged in learning about counselling. I learnt about Bereavement counselling, counselling of children and adults and some child abuse counselling. I also engaged in some psycho drama. As part of my training I had to go right back though my childhood. I suffered from emotional pain for weeks on end. My childhood had been a bit problematic. I did Martial Arts which I enjoyed. I remember no emotional pain during the participation of the Martial Art activity and no emotional pain shortly after the activity. A short while after the activity had ceased the emotional pain hit me quite hard.

When I did Youth work I did a lot of play activity with the children in the vicinity of other youth leaders. This had the effect of making the children enjoying themselves and me enjoying myself. Again physical activity changing mind states. No counselling involved.

I left Youth work when I went to University in 1986. I got my degree in 1989 and got hit by a double decker bus in 1991. The road traffic accident left me with chronic pain and some cognitive deficits. I sometimes still see the bus doing waking hours.

As a child and into my thirties I suffered a lot from eczema. I managed to track down an anxiety trigger for an itching attack. Itching causes self harm. Itching causes one to scratch and destroy skin. When I had an itching attack I would put my hands under very hot water in order to stop the itching. This damaged skin. I sought counselling for my anxiety trigger. In 1986 I had six weeks counselling on the NHS. This was followed by 18 months of group psychotherapy on the NHS. Each session generated a lot of emotion. It did nothing for my eczema. The eczema problem was reduced when I was told by a pharmacist, whose daughter had eczema, that mild bleach would be helpful. I found this to be true. My eczema problem was solved when I discovered evening primrose oil. I still got mild anxiety, but the anxiety no longer triggered an itching attack. Counselling failed to solve my itching problem. Continual taking of Evening primrose oil capsules did. I no longer have an eczema problem as long as I took evening primrose oil.

I did sword fencing from about 1980 until 1991. I also practised and taught T’ai Chi. I had to give up teaching T’ai Chi and fencing because of the damage I suffered in 1991. I managed to practice T’ai Chi by myself at a far lower standard. At the beginning of 1994 I ceased to work full time. I was unable to due to chronic pain and lack of sleep issues. In 1994 I went to Oddstock Pain Clinic. Oddstock Pain Clinic advised against taking pain killers. I had cerebral bruising explained to me and that this occurred at the time of the road traffic accident. I was diagnosed with clinical depression shortly afterwards. The injuries I had were never going to recover.

The rest follows in "Handling Emotional Pain Part 2"

healthunlocked.com/painconc...