The Twelve Days of Pain-mas & Hobbits

On the twelfth day of Christmas

The pain fairy gave to me

Eight days on the trot of agonising shoulder pain,

Seven days of freezing, itching, burning, finger pain all brought on by

Six attempts to reach the special plates right at the back of the top cupboard we only use once a year (really should've used a step-ladder),

Five hours sitting in traffic on motorways,

Four nights sleeping in relatives' spare bed on an unforgiving mattress,

Three hours of a white knuckle journey in torrential rain,

Two misjudged attempts at pulling crackers with aforementioned dodgy shoulder (why didn't I learn the first time?!)

And a marathon session watching The Hobbit in 3D

Ok, so it's only 8 days and not very good, but if I only do 8 days it might stop. However, it did not spoil my Christmas at all, and hardly anyone knew about it.

I have decided that my pain can have a name - I have shied away from this because it doesn't deserve one. However, after my Hobbit outing, I've decided that a suitable name for the pain is "Gollum" - it's evil, childlike, nasty, likes lurking in corners, screams a lot, etc. I'm not a Tolkein fan really, but can't help making comparisons : some of the drug names for pain sound like they should be dwarves or elves. How about "Gabapentin of Carbamazepine-land"? It's only a matter of time before they produce a drug called "Gandalf" & I've tried so many, I'm sure I had a presecription for "Thorin" once. And trying to deal with the pain is rather like a journey to middle earth sometimes, a relentless battle, and after 3 hours you've only got to chapter 4. (Apologies to anyone who dislikes Lord of the Rings, and to anyone who loves it, I've probably got bits of this very wrong)

Much to my delight I've discovered I can do a good Gollum impression which scares the children into instant cooperation. "Get your shoes on now, preciouses!"

6 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Oh, forgot to say, Happy New Year. Hope 2013 brings some peace from the pain in whatever form to us all.

  • "Gollum". You couldn't have lit upon a better name. It struck such a cord. Very apt.

    May 2013 bring lots of sunshine and surprises.

  • Happy New Year.

    You have an incredible gift for writing - I've seen it in earlier posts? Have you ever thought of having anything published? I'm becoming more and more convinced this weekend that I should submit two things for publication.

  • I like this. Any chance of having 12 verses to sing to.

  • Thanks for the compliments, very much appreciated. I write as a hobby really and can't afford to give up the day job to do it more often, and life gets in the way of meeting deadlines. But there's quite a few websites with writing competitions that can be entered if you fancy it.

    Sorry I can't provide a full song - I don't like writing poetry & can't do things in verse. Unlike other people on this site who can. Maybe someone else can finish it?

  • You may know of lulu.com. its a publishing site where you upload your work. They handle orders and printing and when a book sells, you get paid. Its a great intro into writing and getting feedback from readers.

You may also like...