Hi Ladies,
You will have missed me on the site. I have been very poorly, not cancer related we now find out thankfully. But I can now explain just why I have not been in touch and and have neglected friends on here. Somehow I find it so difficult to come on and post and deal with other peoples problems when hubby and I are struggling so much ourselves. I do apologise.
I started being ill at Xmas, vomited the most ghastly brown fluid up, the Drs knew as I was always calling them in and also on very heavy pain killers to kill the associated pain., but nothing was said about the problem. I was in Harrogate hospital after Xmas for 3 nights due to vomiting and the most horrendous stomach pain. The only thing to alleviate this was morphine and we had to fly back to Spain on New Years Eve,
Tummy wise things went downhill, dreadful vomiting, duty Dr's visiting to give me morphine and in the end I was admitted to Malaga Universitario hospital for treatment. I could have gone the private route, but frankly our private hospital is diabolical and the nursing and my Oncologist, treatment everything is at the state hospital.
I was starved, with a tube up my nose into the upper bowel and lost 2 stone in 2 weeks - down to 7 st- I looked skeletal. The question was do we operate, do we not operate. But of course I wasn't strong enough. The problem appears to be a blockage in the small bowel with the lesions from the original cancer op. So I was duly sent home with an horrendous diet (well not to some people) but to a cancer patient not a good one. But I am winning the battle and have put on over a stone since I came out of hospital in May. We have the odd restaurant that will prepare food especially for me, but we don't go out a lot.
I am so very fatigued. I am on new chemo, the Avastin I have had to come off it, as if I need surgery on the bowel I have to wait 6 weeks to get the drug out of the system first. So I am now back on the dreadful stuff, Taxol, where I am losing my hair, eye lashes and eyebrows. Thankfully being the summer the head is cool in the house and no hairdressing bills. !!
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Well we had some great news a few weeks ago, but I must apologise for lack of contact, but to be truthful I have been so frightened about my cancer spreading, I have been angry, tearful and very so frightened. I am in bed all day after a 2 stone weight loss over 2 weeks. All in all a lousy time. I am still very weak and have the use of a wheelchair to do local supermarket shopping. I am also so tired.
I go on a Wed for chemo, no bloods at the hospital to make the day shorter, they are taken here by my private GP. When Prof Alba came into the room and saw me in a wheel chair, his face was not happy. When he examined me through a long question and answer session. Was I in pain - no. Are my bowels working well - yes. To these answers a smile slowly came across is lovely face. When he examined me he was thrilled to bits, the only problem is the upper bowel lesion, my tummy is great, no fluid.
The most important thing he feels the cancer is NOT spreading. To this I cried tears of sheer relief. He just looked at me and said 'Judith don't cry'. He was overjoyed, I have never seen him smile so much. We have a very very special patient/Dr relationship and I know he has huge admiration for the way I take everything that is thrown at me. I now have chemo for two weeks and then hopefully one week of. The only downside there was no chemo that day. I had a raised temperature and on checking my chest he thought just a little problem there. So all in all a wonderful day for both Pieter and I. I am still very weak and tired and only get up to eat and prepare food, although these past few days I am doing a little more.
Losing 2 st in 2 weeks is a lot of weight to lose. But the weight is slowly going on. I am on a very restricted diet, all the things I would never have eaten before. I can't eat anything that causes wind or contains fibre, so very limited food indeed. It really is not a good cancer diet, red meat (normally banned to once a week), fish and chicken, lots of sugar, plain biscuits and cakes - things I would never have eaten. I even have cornflakes for breakfast. Lots of lactose free yoghurt and milk. I am not allowed anything high fibre or flatulence forming, so the diet is boring, but I find I can eat the odd Indian meal without nuts or fruit. I am gradually introducing the only veg into my diet I can eat - green beans, carrots, mushrooms and red peppers, oh and some courgettes. But I can only have very little veg. I can have kiwi, melon and strawberries that is about all in fruit, so all in all not the healthiest of diets. But I have now managed to add small amounts of salad into the diet which I am thoroughly enjoying. But it is working. I also have an Ensure Plus drink every afternoon, a meal in a bottle. Also flat coke as this is supposed to help raise the blood pressure, mine was almost too low.
I have just got my blood results through and the platelets are down a tad this week. My legs are covered in horrible red blood spots and bruises, I look as though I have just come out of a boxing ring !! I am starting to wear maxi dresses to conceal the leg bruises !!
I can't drive to hospital and hubby is nearly blind, so have to pay someone to drive us in our car every week. It is a long wait around for them, but if I get my bed for treatment I think I may be able to start the driving again myself soon . Although two weeks ago it ended up being a 12 hour day as I needed a blood transfusion.
The only downside is the steroids in with the Taxol, I am nocturnal. I am up half the night , but I do go back to bed during the mornings and afternoons to rest. But by the evening I am shattered and can barely get back up the stairs to bed.
It is so infuriating that after being such a healthy eater I now have to eat what I do, particularly the snacking. I can't eat much fruit or vegetables, in fact in the early days of the diet no fruit or vegetables at all !! I now have to keep to a minimum of 2 portions a day, so with having to snack in between it is usually a rich tea biscuit. I never had a sweet tooth before but I am certainly getting one now !!
I will try and get on site and post. I don't spend a lot of time at the computer, I find it very tiring. Anyway chemo again tomorrow, great how I just love all this !!
Love Anna xx
I am terminal
Still fighting !!
Update. Still in hospital
SHOULD I INSIST ON CHEM
I am feeling "normal" today
