Quit Smoking!

[FranxLove]

I quit smoking!😊

This is my second day nicotine free.

I have had 10 quits this year (the longest for 2 months.) All of them cold turkey, as is this one.

I felt so amazing during all those times. So pure, so athletic, so calm...I felt like my life was heading 100% towards healing and true success. I felt brand new! So fresh and alive! Yet I always return...

Had my first cig at 8 or 9. I started smoking at 14... got into a pack a day at 15...I am about to turn 23. In the last year I have undergone internal changes which make it impossible for me to continue a happy life while smoking. This coincides with other things, like eating any living beings, which became impossible for me, and from one second to another I never ate another animal or went fishing or any violence. 0 arguments since also. But smoking is a different beast.

I am unhappy when I smoke, my body is mad at me for hurting it, my head always gets dizzy and I get headaches, it ruins my voice, my taste, my smell, my routines, my my energy levels, my inteligence and memory, my lung capacity, my heart rate, my spontaneity, my creativity...it ruins every activity for me, as every hobby becomes more about smoking than the hobby itself. I am never calm as long as I smoke.

Inspite of all this all I want to do is smoke! Its literally all I have been doing for years! I got so good at smoking I could down a pack of 20 in just 4 hours. I can light a cig in any weather...had I put in this much effort into music I would be writing symphonies by now.

When I quit it hurts so much! Everything is a fog. I can feel the receptors in my brain squeeze tight and remind me of how much love tobacco gave me when I had no one to have fun with but my dear tobacco. And I say, OK, yeah sure, I loved you too but its over! I adore the puff but I despise needing another one an hour later. It's a bargain I am sick and tired of! A bargain I have been entrenched in for 8 years!! I have smoked after every meal possible, in every possible place imaginable, all weathers, all countries, on the bus stop, in the car, at school, at college, at work, after the movies, during the movies, 20 cigs daily indoor in my room to the point that my walls turned yellow...I smoked first thing in the morning in the shower before school, before work...I smoked every brand, every flavor, every type of tobacco even Nicotiana Rustica which is not tobacco but a different nicotine plant. I have gone through withdrawal during school, during work, during a bus or airplane ride, during sleeping, during a dinner at a restaurant, during a movie or a concert!

I'ts a nightmare.

I have a daily cough! I am always coughing my lungs out! I dont know if people think I am always sick or what...but I am so sad that I let myself get to this point. I also get zits on my cheeks, face, and chest directly because of smoking! And I am a worse athlete because of smoking! (I jog and lift weigths daily since I started smoking as it was the only way to feel "healthy" while maintaining this debilitating addiction.

And the worse part is that I still want to smoke. I still forget why I quit...I always do. I know I can never smoke again and this is my goal. I want to cut all ties with nicotine and start fresh. Yet...at this moment its so hard to not smoke when I have already worked out today and don't know what to do to get that dopamine spike.

I have seen how I am all the problems of the world. I am the greedyness of the world...I want all the cigarrettes, all that quick pleassure...I want it fast and I want it now. So until I change there is no change in the world. Because I am the very problem of the world...me, who does not understand that to hurt my body in exchange for pleassure is unjust to everyone who loved me so that I today can be alive and writing this.

I hope writing here and reading will keep me on track and remind me why I want to quit!

I want to stay quit with all my heart, all my energy...I know that if I do not quit now I might never have the strenght to do it again later.

Its the time to quit and stay quit!

Thnx for reading

[Bonds123 3 Months Smoke Free]

Good to write it all down sometimes. Stay focused.

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free in reply to Bonds123]

Hey Bonds123 - hope you are keeping well, over 100 days smoke free now?

[Bonds123 3 Months Smoke Free in reply to RoisinO1]

Hi roisin,

How are you?

I wish I was 100 days, but after many attempts with patches, gum, vape, Alan carr book and seminar, none of which worked, I’ve decided I need to do this myself and go cold turkey. I don’t think there is an easy way to do this and you just have to get on with it. So day 1 again again again again today. Thanks for your message xx

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free in reply to Bonds123]

3 months now hopefully Bonds123 - how are you getting on?

[Reginaf8 3 Months Smoke Free]

Hi there, well done ! Your post was poetic! I had a similiar relationship with cigs, im a month smoke free, you end up doing some soul searching as to why its such a crutch for us , ANY activity at all involved a cigarette in hand ! Are you going cold turkey ? You must be on day 2 now , hang in there and well done

[FranxLove 100 Days Smoke Free in reply to Reginaf8]

Hi babs Yes I am going cold turkey. I'm on day 3 now. I already feel freee!

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free]

Welcome FranxLove , congratulations on now 1 week smoke free!

Excellent and powerful introductory summed up so perfectly and the feeling of every nicotine addict.

Wishing you strength to be smoke free for good. Stay close to us and read up as much as you can here and elsewhere

[FranxLove 100 Days Smoke Free in reply to RoisinO1]

Hi Roisin, thank you for your warm welcome, kind words, and encouragement! I'll definitley stay close as this is the right path to be on. Its the hardest thing ever (the cravings, the breaking of habits, and the brain's chemistry reverting to homeostasis), but gosh are the rewards and feelings of health, freedom, and true unadulterated happiness great!! Not needing a drug to be happy, life turns more natural.