Ashamed of myself and don’t want to post this

[Exsmo]

...bite the bullet & just say it” after 11months quit, i smoked😩. In my head i have many excuses...i had to leave my house for an apartment with no stairs ( due to a disease dr.s don’t know what to do about...i was told i could get a different house that doesn’t have steps, searched then told no it needs to be apartment.... such a disappointment!!! Am being helped financially so that gives another all the power in my life and I can’t stand that at my age 51. Since I can’t work w this condition or am unhirable I don’t have options. In the midst of this i just wanted to see if id feel better smoking. I do NOT!

. Sitting outside apartment there are about 5 large ashtrays (owned by apartment complex) outside my building yet people still throw the “butts all over the ground, it’s so ugly! As i was chain smoking and freezing i reread old posts and thought chain is a great word for this...ball and chain like a prisoner is even better. I feel so stupid to have thrown 11months away! I go to a group for quitters of all kinds & when i admitted i had 1 cig, they took my time quit away so i went and bought a pack of cigs and chokingly smoked every one. As my mother used the old saying “ cut off your nose to spite your face” I believe that’s what i did.

I quit with chantix and a critical family member (also the one helpi g me financially) is saying “don’t use that again, it made you strange. Friends dont think so. Now im in a dilema, i know I couldn’t have quit without it and am very proud of the 11months i quit. Not sure i can do ‘cold turkey’ as i always failed before and putting nicotine in with replacements just seems like it would prolong the withdrawals. Also it didn’t work when i tried them. What to do!!!?

Am hoping my name Exsmo comes up here. Was locked out for some reason (my lack of computer knowledge am sure) & now it just says “me” instead of Exsmo. Am sorry if I’ve disappointed those who know me on here. Believe me, I certainly feel disappointed in myself. I was stupid to buy that pack to spite them/myself for taking away my 11months. 1 month to my 1 year mark! Who does that!!!

Help?

[mushen Valued Contributor]

Whoa there!

All is not lost.

You are not the first to relapse (me, many times) and won't be the last. What's done is done, so let us suck it up and move on.

So, what to do? Well, the answer is simply, start again. That's it.

How? This is YOUR quit and it is up to you how to do it. If Chantix does the trick, then use Chantix. Pay no attention to others who say you shouldn't because it made you 'strange'. This person is not helpful. Just get on and do what works for you. You may wish to gently remind them that you will be a lot 'stranger' with some god awful condition caused by continuing to smoke.

All you have to do is get your Chantix and start again. The choice really is that simple, quit or don't quit.

Forget the guilt trip, pour your energy into your new quit. You did it before, do it again.

You can do this. I relapsed multiple times, you are not alone. You are not a failure.

Buckle up and get on with it! 😁😁😁

[Exsmo in reply to mushen]

Thanks mushen, i know you’re right. Am hoping it will be easier to quit when ive just smoked for a bit. Last time it was 35 years w random quits that never lasted for more than 5days. It very recently went to daily smoking so i need to get on it now before developing all the behaviors-habits that went with smoking. Also it’s freezing out so I don’t really enjoy it. (I don’t smoke inside) Again, thanks for your words about strangeness & I REALLY like the quit is “mine” like you said. Empowering!!! I needed that.

[mushen Valued Contributor in reply to Exsmo]

I know just thinking about it makes it seem like a huge amount of effort but once you get going, you'll be fine.

Come back here for support and if you haven't already, head over to WhyQuit.com - they have good stuff about relapsing.

Good luck! 😊

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free]

Great to have you back Exsmo - can't add anything more to mushen 's excellent advice especially that this is YOUR journey and do whatever works for you - so get that champix prescription and get back on the horse, we are waiting here for you to help get you galloping again

[Exsmo in reply to RoisinO1]

Yaaaay!!!

[Exsmo in reply to Exsmo]

I so appreciate you both. Had I stayed on here I don’t think id have smoked actually. Its so encouraging and empowering! You rock! Thanks so.

[Indigo71 1 Year Smoke Free in reply to Exsmo]

Hey Exsmo , I’ve missed you around here! So glad you’re back girl! You can do this! All in your own time ok. Nobody is pressuring you here, so you decide when you are ready ..I’m so glad to see you are still with us - you had my mind doing overtime why you might not be into this forum anymore, well besides the obvious that you may have started smoking again ...

So happy you made contact 😘

[gggg123 7 Years Smoke Free]

The smoking need doesn't really go away till about 2 to 3 year mark so I wouldn't beat yourself up. Just carry on and keep going, you need determination and strength. It really will be the hardest thing you've ever done.

[Indigo71 1 Year Smoke Free in reply to gggg123]

It just maybe one of the more difficult things you’ll ever have to get thru in your life ..

You will be ok tho, because you can do this!!

[Indigo71 1 Year Smoke Free in reply to gggg123]

I do so like your honesty

[Cigpeace]

Your okay you just need to put your self in a better set mind it's a very hard thing to quit worse than anything else, stress and anger usually dose me in but my health is so far the most important thing in my life and that should be your excuse to I'm 46 and right behind you, I've had some really harsh times during this I believe u can do it, pput them down and start again, put on a 15 mg patch for four days than take it off and try going with out

[Exsmo]

Hey Indigo71 GREAT to see you on here!!! Thank you all for the encouragement! I still was not smoking, for 11months but had no internet and then couldn’t remember my password to get on here😒. Anyway am glad to be back too. Congrats on 1 year!!! That’s awesome. 7 years its good to know a timeframe. Somehow that really helps me.

[CocoaXChange Valued Contributor]

Important thing Exsmo is to get right back to your quit. I don't know anything about Chantix so can't say, but if you need it then you do. But if you have only smoked a few packs, I would think the craves would not be as bad (after 3 days).

Hang in and good luck.

[Hercu Valued Contributor]

Hi Exmo....I am so sorry to read all the difficulties you had...but so glad you came back to us and make us part of your next venture...

When I was preparing for my journey 3 and half years ago a quote that motivated me the most is that of – Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime.”

Life is sometimes very hard on us but we must remember : “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

Strongs Exmo !!!

[Itsabouttime 1 Year Smoke Free]

Thank you so much for posting this. I am just under 3 weeks away from 11 months and have been thinking I could have just 1. I so appreciate you coming on to say it isn't worth it. ❤️

[RoisinO1 Administrator 3 Years Smoke Free in reply to Itsabouttime]

Stay strong Itsabouttime and close to us

[Exsmo]

Hercu it’s great to read your words again. Wonderful quote and thanks for sharing “stongs”. Your strength is contagious Itsabouttime 1 is always too much as ive just learned again. Like an alcoholic I guess 1 is too many and 1 million is never enough. I now believe cigs are exactly the same! Addiction is asdiction after all. Am so thankful you read this before that ONE! Thanks for sharing w me that post helped you! Was pretty down having to write my failure but thankful it helped someone else. This place strengthens w others posts. I so missed that. Very proud of you both 3&1/2 years and 11months.

[Nozmo Valued Contributor]

Hello mo-bro, it's been a long time! Sorry to hear that you relapsed Exsmo but it isn't the end of the world. Like the others have said it's important that you get back on with your quit and don't beat yourself up about it. It would have been much easier for you to just say nothing but you came on here and owned up to it. That takes some guts.

I relapsed multiple times during my multiple quit attempts, once after being off them for 6 months! It's SO easy to do. I felt like kicking myself too but it really is best to put it behind you and start again.

Hope you're doing well since you posted this. You WILL get there.

[Exsmo]

Nozmo Mo -bro Great to hear your words too. I just took first chantix .05mg and am going to adjust meds as i go once I quit. Wish me luck...30mins and i feel the nausea coming lol. Really appreciate the calm y’all give here!!! So hopeful.

[Nozmo Valued Contributor in reply to Exsmo]

Good luck Exsmo. You can do it again!