...bite the bullet & just say it” after 11months quit, i smoked😩. In my head i have many excuses...i had to leave my house for an apartment with no stairs ( due to a disease dr.s don’t know what to do about...i was told i could get a different house that doesn’t have steps, searched then told no it needs to be apartment.... such a disappointment!!! Am being helped financially so that gives another all the power in my life and I can’t stand that at my age 51. Since I can’t work w this condition or am unhirable I don’t have options. In the midst of this i just wanted to see if id feel better smoking. I do NOT!
. Sitting outside apartment there are about 5 large ashtrays (owned by apartment complex) outside my building yet people still throw the “butts all over the ground, it’s so ugly! As i was chain smoking and freezing i reread old posts and thought chain is a great word for this...ball and chain like a prisoner is even better. I feel so stupid to have thrown 11months away! I go to a group for quitters of all kinds & when i admitted i had 1 cig, they took my time quit away so i went and bought a pack of cigs and chokingly smoked every one. As my mother used the old saying “ cut off your nose to spite your face” I believe that’s what i did.
I quit with chantix and a critical family member (also the one helpi g me financially) is saying “don’t use that again, it made you strange. Friends dont think so. Now im in a dilema, i know I couldn’t have quit without it and am very proud of the 11months i quit. Not sure i can do ‘cold turkey’ as i always failed before and putting nicotine in with replacements just seems like it would prolong the withdrawals. Also it didn’t work when i tried them. What to do!!!?
Am hoping my name Exsmo comes up here. Was locked out for some reason (my lack of computer knowledge am sure) & now it just says “me” instead of Exsmo. Am sorry if I’ve disappointed those who know me on here. Believe me, I certainly feel disappointed in myself. I was stupid to buy that pack to spite them/myself for taking away my 11months. 1 month to my 1 year mark! Who does that!!!