i have been wanting to post my story for some time but I suppose I didn't feel confident that I could carry on doing this.
I have smoked for about 40 years on and off, since I was a teenager. I stopped for bfief period of time, usually around 3 months and and then gradually going back on 2-3 a day but by about 9-10 months would be fully smoking again. I have tried patches, gum and zyban. In the end I almost resigned myself to being a life time smoker, albeit reluctantly.
I suppose I got a big wake up call just over a year when my older brother (63) suffered a severe stroke and is now in long term nursing home care in Ireland. I bought desmoxan on line, they help in reducing cravings for the first few weeks. Took them for 5 days, then had to stop smoking and carry out with the tablets for 3 weeks after on a decreasing dose.
The first few weeks were pretty good , my mood was good and on the whole the process was very painless. I did have some minor problems- sore lips and gums, tingling in my hands and feet, constantly clearing my throat. In November I developed other unrelated health problems which are still being investigated.
I wish I could say I was feeling fantastically healthier and better but I am not in that place yet. I still have no energy and often feel anxious, panicky and a bit depressed. Christmas was stressful, I was hosting Christmas and was under a fair bit of pressure. This week my car broke down and is still in the garage , nothing wrong I'm pleased to say, however because a red wearing light come on to erroneously say my engine is overheating, it will cost me in excess of £250!!! Great timing, post Christmas. I always find January gloomy.
Friends and work colleagues say that I look better and my skin looks younger and brighter. On a more positive note , despite feeling rubbish and my anxiety levels going through the roof , particularly during these mini crises, I have not succumbed. At times I feel so frustrated and ill at ease in my own skin I want to scream.
I have been a complete slob all my life , never exercised regularly - a complete couch potato, but am reasonably tall at 5' 9. Luckily I have always been slim, so far I have not gained any weight. My daughter gave me some sessions with a personal trainer as a Christmas present, and I am becoming familiar with the inside of gym for the first time in my life, having now had two sessions.
I am doing this by trying to get through one day at a time, drinking cold water helps and some days are less bothersome than others. I read the posts on here practically every day and get a lot of hope reading about your stories and hearing your struggles. I apologise for not being more supportive and vocal , but I think because I have been feeling so wretched I didn't believe I could be of any help to anyone else.
I find it fascinating to read how nicotine has altered our brains by infiltrating it really and still tries to trick it into using again. I am hoping and praying that the nicotine receptors are weakening and dying off on a daily basis.
So we all have to stay strong together and keep doing what we are doing , repeating the mantra NOPE. When I think about it properly we are all doing brilliantly and whilst all our stories are unique we have a common bond.
If you are still reading this, I thank you for your time. If you got bored and given up , no worries.