No Smoking Day
2,921 members31,542 posts

3 months clean today - used desmoxan

Hi everyone

i have been wanting to post my story for some time but I suppose I didn't feel confident that I could carry on doing this.

I have smoked for about 40 years on and off, since I was a teenager. I stopped for bfief period of time, usually around 3 months and and then gradually going back on 2-3 a day but by about 9-10 months would be fully smoking again. I have tried patches, gum and zyban. In the end I almost resigned myself to being a life time smoker, albeit reluctantly.

I suppose I got a big wake up call just over a year when my older brother (63) suffered a severe stroke and is now in long term nursing home care in Ireland. I bought desmoxan on line, they help in reducing cravings for the first few weeks. Took them for 5 days, then had to stop smoking and carry out with the tablets for 3 weeks after on a decreasing dose.

The first few weeks were pretty good , my mood was good and on the whole the process was very painless. I did have some minor problems- sore lips and gums, tingling in my hands and feet, constantly clearing my throat. In November I developed other unrelated health problems which are still being investigated.

I wish I could say I was feeling fantastically healthier and better but I am not in that place yet. I still have no energy and often feel anxious, panicky and a bit depressed. Christmas was stressful, I was hosting Christmas and was under a fair bit of pressure. This week my car broke down and is still in the garage , nothing wrong I'm pleased to say, however because a red wearing light come on to erroneously say my engine is overheating, it will cost me in excess of £250!!! Great timing, post Christmas. I always find January gloomy.

Friends and work colleagues say that I look better and my skin looks younger and brighter. On a more positive note , despite feeling rubbish and my anxiety levels going through the roof , particularly during these mini crises, I have not succumbed. At times I feel so frustrated and ill at ease in my own skin I want to scream.

I have been a complete slob all my life , never exercised regularly - a complete couch potato, but am reasonably tall at 5' 9. Luckily I have always been slim, so far I have not gained any weight. My daughter gave me some sessions with a personal trainer as a Christmas present, and I am becoming familiar with the inside of gym for the first time in my life, having now had two sessions.

I am doing this by trying to get through one day at a time, drinking cold water helps and some days are less bothersome than others. I read the posts on here practically every day and get a lot of hope reading about your stories and hearing your struggles. I apologise for not being more supportive and vocal , but I think because I have been feeling so wretched I didn't believe I could be of any help to anyone else.

I find it fascinating to read how nicotine has altered our brains by infiltrating it really and still tries to trick it into using again. I am hoping and praying that the nicotine receptors are weakening and dying off on a daily basis.

So we all have to stay strong together and keep doing what we are doing , repeating the mantra NOPE. When I think about it properly we are all doing brilliantly and whilst all our stories are unique we have a common bond.

If you are still reading this, I thank you for your time. If you got bored and given up , no worries.

God bless.

31 Replies
oldestnewest

What a great post Youghal, inspiring, encouraging and motivational. Congratulations on 3 months, imagine how far you will have come at 6 months 😲l have a great feeling this is your journey permanently as an ex smoker.

Are you Irish by the way, was meant to ask you when you first joined was your name after the town Youghal in Co. Cork?

Reply

Thanks Roisin. I am undeed Irish , and Youghal is my nearest town, come from a little village nearby. I live in London but go back fairly regularly. What part are you from yourself?

I agree with you that this may be my final quit, this may sound daft but it has a different feel to it than previous times. That's not to say I am feeling complacent as I know that I am only a whisker away from reverting to being a smoker again.

We all test ourselves every day by resisting those triggers that our bodies react to by instinctively telling us we need a ciggie. I can't say I get through them In a very controlled rational or elegant way, but I will get better at it when I eventually find some healthier ways of managing life's challenges 2018 is going to be a year of exploration and discovery for me

Nicotine is sooo addictive , which is why we are all winners on here.

1 like
Reply

Lucky you, if I was ever going to move it would be to Cobh or Kinsale in Cork, love everything about them and have went down there many a summers... I am in the midlands in a small town just on the Co, Fermanagh border.

That is put perfectly only being a whisker a way from smoking again, even for myself at over 2 years, our guard must be up at all times but is a small price to pay for being smoke free, healthy and enjoying life :)

Keep in touch when you can....

1 like
Reply

Youghal, your way with words is brilliant! I got a chuckle in familiarity of, " I can't say I get through them in a very controlled rational or elegant way...but..will ...when find healthier ways...". You are not alone in this and I appreciate your saying it just so.

Roison O1 for the love of the Irish i met a man here in Kentucky, working with horses, from Cork! The way he spoke of the beauty of it almost made us born Americans (part Irish) homesick for it too! I hope one day to see your beautiful green country.

1 like
Reply

Hello from me to you, and me I say I get a lot from your posts also, just think, how fantastic you are, quitting is a commitment, and you do indeed sound committed. It’s great to have you one board, our minds are wonderful things, of course quitting, enhances every difficult situation, but your in the right place, so any real difficulties just post SOS, wait for 3 reply’s, and the think again, addiction is only addiction if you lets it be, and your proving, your not having any of that.

Well done, keep posting

Doing fantastic

1 like
Reply

Thank so much Tracey3.

I do appreciate the support, am really trying to stay positive ( most of the time )

We will stay strong together. Just getting through anothe day.

Reply

3 months is amazing, 1/4 of a year :)

This board helps a lot so stick around, read and post as much as you need x

2 likes
Reply

Thanks Atta ,will do !

Reply

Youghal,

Congrats on the 3 months and for sharing your story. Keep up the great work. I found that exercise was so very helpful to reducing cravings, feeling better, and helping meeting new people who are also non-smokers. You got this!

1 like
Reply

Thanks Sheena . I am hoping to increase my exercise , hence starting at the gym,

I will keep you posted.

Reply

I have no clue what they do at the gym, but am feeling inspired by all this talk of it to go find out after hitting and getting to other side of icky3 craves.

1 like
Reply

Hi Youghal, your post helped me a lot, I am in the midst of sorting out some health problems too and waiting to see a specialist later in Jan is making my quit even more anxious sometimes, thanks for sharing your story and all the best. Stay quit !! :)

1 like
Reply

Thanks and good look with your health appointment , hope it's nothing to be too concerned about and your anxiety is relieved. Just keep telling yourself that any worries you have will not be resolved by smoking or made any better.

Just stay stopped for 1 more day( that's what I tell myself when I am struggling)

Thanks for support

1 like
Reply

Yes, I tell myself I have one less problem already, and keep as busy as possible, we'll get there - by time of my appointment I'll be nearly 2 months smokefree :)

2 likes
Reply

Hey Chinnup, am in same boat w health. May i recommend not looking too far ahead? Just taking care of todays health and your quit today is enough. If i look ahead and worry over upcoming appt i may sabotage my quit while doing nothing to improve appointment. Just want to encourage you so you won't be overwhelmed and easier prey for the Nicodemon or nasty nic...whichever name you prefer. ( i try to think of bad names for it when feeling nostalgic missing having silly brain twists) This time together i think we can ALL quit this forever!

3 likes
Reply

Thanks Exsmo, wise words again :) I am taking day by day and dealing with whatever comes as it comes - often it's anxiety but sometimes it's not which is a bonus. Someone advised me that whatever comes, adding smoking to it is adding a problem and no solution and they were so right. We'll get through this one way or another without smoking, all the best to you with your health.

2 likes
Reply

O i like that "smoking only adds another problems". I too have anxiety and strange enough i used a drinking straw to pretend smoke when i just HAD to have one. Later read smoking IS a form of deep breathing exercise. I figured i was getting a deep breathing exercise while "smoking" air (from the straw cut to cig size.) This helped me get over firsts. Long drive i smoked a clear straw & seriously helped with hand to mouth habit. Of course it gave me nothing but air but was somehow comforting and got me through first month and now i may use it for the out of the blue craves.

The longer you go without smoking, the calmer and less anxious you get. I only take 1/3 of my anxiety meds... If i take them at all. They are as needed & i find i just don't need them as much! Its amazing. I read as smokers we are in a constant state of withdrawl other than when we are actually smoking. It might be on whyquit.com. Or a pinned post here. Very enlightening & another incentive to protect that quit. I have battled thag anxiety for over 20 years. Wouldnt it be awesome to be cured of it finding out smoking was a trigger for that!.

All the best to you with your health as well! Thanks for that kindness what will be will be and I honestly don't worry. It's rather ironic.

3 likes
Reply

Fingers/toes crossed that it is over time :)

3 likes
Reply

I strongly believe smoking increases anxiety ..and the soothing dope I felt when lighted up a cig was just a temporary fix and like a circle process I got more nervous and anxiy latter on

3 likes
Reply

Great going Youghal. Unfortunately sometimes it takes a health scare with ourselves or family to give us the commitment to quit.

3 likes
Reply

Yes indeed, my brother was ( and is still ) a smoker, his life has changed irrevocably.

It's easy to pretend you are invincible, but it's really just gambling.

You have been quit for some time? Thanks for making contact

2 likes
Reply

2+ years for me. When we are young the future seems far away and we can be reckless. We grow out of some of that behavior, but the addiction of cigs makes that one of the hardest things to leave behind.

Good week to all.

3 likes
Reply

Am @ 3 mos with you. Big well done and agree "NOPE" may get us through. That repairing process is something else! Maybe that process really shows us the true meaning of addiction. Funny but even tho I smoked 35 years and knew i was addicted, i really didn't understand what addiction meant or know how strong it was until I quit. Great post.

3 likes
Reply

Well done to you too!! We are heroes! I won't if you don't, ha ha

3 likes
Reply

That's the best thing about quitting buddies! Sounds good to me.

4 likes
Reply

Wise words Exsmo :)

1 like
Reply

100 days smoke free today youghal :)

1 like
Reply

6 months today youghal - hope you are keeping well?

Reply

Hi I did a trial and it worked, but it’s a month since I finished the desmoxan. Can u pl tell me where online you bought. They are not available in Australia and I want to make sure I don’t buy fake tablets

Reply

What an amazing post!

1 like
Reply

Thanks yougal...

Even when it’s hard you keep going. Your amazing... your post is so encouraging and shows how strong determination can overcome the hardest moments.

Thank you so much for sharing your story,

Reply

You may also like...