3 Sundays ago, burned the last one in the pack, and kept myself free.. sometimes going to ridiculous distance to stay away... shopping, riding, sleeping, quarrelling, getting upset, gambling (i'm not a gambling man, but hey, it's once in 4 years, World Cup !), ignoring my colleagues/team mates at work, flaring up @ my key stakeholders, you name it :eek::eek:
I've been very selfish this past 3 weeks, it's all about me, till I'm stable, hopefully it doesn't become part of me !
I'm determined to give it a good shot, at least, so without thinking too much about Month 2, next week or even tomorrow, simply focus on getting through this minute, hour, and today...... that is really all I can do... the least I can do... for myself.
Have a good start to the week, all of you lovely people.
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The journey to quitting smoking can be oh so difficult at times, but you are getting there, staying strong in doing what you need to do to stay quit. But you have stayed quit so massive congrats from me.
All these emotions will pass and a calmer you will come through I promis .
Mr NICO has many tactics in the hope you will give in and just have one, but hang tight, doing great
Very well done Edged. Your own advice is your very own best medicine. You've made ENORMOUS strides and we often forget that the biggest amount of energy is required in making that first shift - a bit like deciding to turn the tiny rudder on a massive sea-faring tanker. All the engines are going ballistic trying to move the direction of this massive object, and from the outside it doesn't look like a lot is going on. In the contrary! We know all the blood, sweat, and tears going on in the boiler room....but it's all for the best of causes, so keep doing what you're doing and keep believing in yourself and those precious lungs!
Tell you what, Edge, if you don't make the Penthouse I shall eat my hat.
You be as selfish as you need to be. Just do whatever it takes to keep that quit. I know you're going to succeed.
Well done mate! May your Month Two be an easy and wonderful one.
BTW- love Badge's sea-going tanker analogy. That's exactly what it is like at first but you'll be steaming over that sunny ocean at a rate of knots before you know it.
Selfish isn't a problem, its really the only way to go in the early stages, and compared to the length of time we smoked for the 1st few months even the 1st year are really the early stages of a quit.
The much under reported side effect from quitting is that without having to plan how to get your nicotine hit regularly enough and once your system becomes adapted to not relying on a mind affecting substance, you become a much less stressed person. I.e. the smoking is the cause of the stress which it relieves.
You get to that point by learning how to approach situations, emotions and circumstances without relying on a cigarette. Its going to take a fair while to get there, we all smoked for the vast majority of our adult life and smoking becomes part chemical addiction and part conditioned response. So it would be unrealistic to imagine its something you can just drop over night and not think about, it takes time to experience all those situations you would have smoked in and repeat them enough times that doing them without smoking is the new normal.
Anyway, don't concern yourself about being selfish, you will become a calmer version of your former self in due course. You can see that you are being selfish at the moment which the important thing so when you don't need to be because your quit is fully integrated into your life you will change back naturally.
Well done, you are doing great. I know it's stressful but keep at it. Selfish is the only way to be on this, most people would understand that (my hubby has been a verbal punching bag lately - poor man)
Visuals that helps - note to self, perhaps it may work for you
Thank you, Cam, nicky, skiddaw, BP, nic, TeeGeeee, butter, Tracey, much appreciated, all comments, read and re-read.
Without sounding like a 'wimp' hahahah:
There are a couple of visuals (I'm a visual guy; kekeke) that helps to anchor my thoughts whenever it starts to stray.
The look on my OH face, as she struggles to live with my addiction, yet not saying a word, fully accepting that I'm an addict and being prepared to stick with me till the day I die... that look, sad, wistful, loving look, during her birthday, I got it captured on my phone.
Humming in the shower, if she's in a good mood, whilst I sneak a puff in the balcony; altho she smells it, she hugs me with narry a word.
When she's cooking... for me. :):D
A couple of pics that are priceless, kept that in my trusty phone, ready to be called up in a moment's notice, meaning 2 clicks max, it has to be there, when I have a trigger.
I'm truly not sure what else, but they have to be heartwarming, touching, and very personal, so I'm still going through my memories for those moments.
Not sure visuals of events help you, but I'm building them in my mental dictionary, label them carefully, and then burying them in deep. Everytime I feel like a fag, I tell myself, to pull out each of those card, read through it mentally, flip the next one, till every one of these emo cards are exchausted. And the urge goes away.... somehow.... not sure why....
These are then my ammunitions, in these early days.
So far, it's working.. if a card brings tears to my eyes.. its a good mental card. It's tested during non-trigger, happy times, if proven to work, goes to the MG ammo box, and if it doesn't makes me tear or pause, then its not good enough.
To date, I only have 2 cards.
Strangely, or maybe it's not so strange, I love to bike/run, but none of the cards are about my bike... it's all about my OH, moments. To think we fight and quarrel so often, even after 13 years under the same roof.
I think it helps to be brutally honest with ourselves, truly know what really matters, draw strength from what hurts and matters the most, and when the time comes to drink from this well, DO IT in big gulps ! Remember to spend some time topping up the well !
Have a truly great day everyone, all addicts, be strong and firm in your quits, you are doing it for yourself ! The truly important people in our life, will be with us, whether we succeed or fail. That's the meaning of 'truly important' , in my small book.
What a powerful read. I love that idea of visual aids and how you've zoned in on and are fine tuning what works for you. Addiction cannot be boxed or contained into some neat, chosen areas that we would prefer, ie. it only gets us physiologically or only affects us biologically or only affects us mentally. It is unfortunately the whole kit and caboodle including our soul and our dreams, so to tap into an area, ie. visually, as an aid to withdraw from the effects of this addiction shows great imagination and open mindedness IMHO.
Personally, I would offer an additional dimension for you to consider alongside the aspect of your focus on your OH as an incentive for your quit and that is simply yourself. Ultimately, if you consider your relationship with yourself the primary one, and build your quit on doing it solely for you, then 'should' all else around you fall and fail (God forbid), then you have built a good foundation to maintain your quit when things that you can't control (people, circumstances, and things) change. It goes back to this misnoma that we're being selfish in doing that and surely I can only ever be any good to anyone else if I'm good and skilled at taking care of myself first (very culturally frowned upon) otherwise how can I give to someone else something (or an ability) I don't own/possess already?
You're doing really well and boy, it's a learning curve, huh?!!!
You are correct as usual, building that relationship with myself, something I've never thought of..... something that I probably need to sleep over. What exactly is my relationship with myself ? What do I want ?... I'm not sure. Thank you for leading me down this path of questioning. Freedom from addiction, my life back, what else....
In all previous quit attempts, that failed, I have never tried penning down thoughts, and/or some forums can be quite judgemental, frowning on NRTs and such.. but I thought this forum is great. So I just ramble on.....
If I do fail (never! but never say never) , I just want to go through the threads I've started, and read through for lessons learnt.
Meanwhile, forging on.
I do have a planned vacation coming up at the end of July (26th), and this time, I should not have to worry about fags, lighters, and sneaking one in between bus rides, meals, stops, showers.
Someone once said to me that the only time you should look back is in order to see how far you've come, so I hope you reading your first few jottings/ramblings will be that encouragement for you. Questioning is good - more chance of hitting on something with a genuine resonance for you rather than adopting an unconscious assumption. As for being 'correct', purleeeze I too offer my ramblings in case they strike a chord rather than them being 'right'.
Only a few more hours to go and then it's one month pour moi - unbereeevable!
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