Yep still here! Day 9

Ok, gonna moan again!! Dont think I have for a while, well at least a day, but cant really remember, my brain has gone very mushy, but least I havent forgotton the kids yet!:rolleyes:

Well I feel like pooh, (I know loads of you do too, so sorry to moan and be selfish).

I am sooooo tired of saying no to myself.

Tired of being Moody, sad, tearful, snappy (especially with the girls!)

Tired of worrying about my weight, just worked so hard to shed 5 stone and so dont want to start putting it all back on.

Tired of being tired, I just want some let up, I just want a ciggy!!!!!!!

Today, for the first time since I quit, I will be all on my lonesome, girls are with the mother in law, while I do battle with another spe******t at the hospital, and I keep thinking I could just have one and no one will know, but I will and I would be gutted but I cant stop thinking about it!!!!!!!:mad:

I keep trying to think about the reasons I am doing it, for my girls, for me, because I have lost loved ones because they smoked, but I keep coming back to my father in law, he finally gave up after millions of attempts (he never wanted to give up but mother in law did!), 3 months later he was killed in a car crash?! she is back smoking!! I know I have gone off track a little but it's just funny what your brain will try and convince you off. It's kinda saying to me well you never know whats round the corner so go on be happy now!!!!:confused:

I know it should get better but right now I am so tired and down, I cant see the end!

Thanks for your time, AGAIN!!!! lol, feels good to just get it off your chest!!

I hope you all have a brill day and stay strong xxxx

15 Replies

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  • Why blank out s-p-e-c-i-a-l-i-s-t?:confused:

  • Hehe No idea and s.o.i.a.l.i.s.e anyway F**k the censor :D hehehe naughty me :o

    Hey don't worry about moaning!! There is nothing wrong in a bit of selfishness!! if we don't get selfish from time to time we suffer in silence and never get what we want! and thats no good is it?!

    There will be good days and bad days and your mind will make up mad excuses for you to go and smoke, luckily you are one step ahead and taking non of it's tomfoolery :D

    The plan for bad days should involve some self indulgence x x x x forget the if's but's who's why's and when's, My Father in law lost his life last year, nothing to do with his awful drinking and smoking habits! Chances are if I smoke it will get me though ;)

    Just buy yourself something while out today, don't question 'To smoke, or not to smoke' just don't smoke as you are using the money on a real treat x x x x

    Plan what you're going to buy and how you are going to spend your pampering day x x x

    Ooooh soz got to dash pick up time x x x

    Good luck

    *hugs*

    ~Buffy x x

  • Thanks Buffy as always x

    I am off now to hospital, still fighting the urge.:mad:

  • Aw *hugs* good luck and buy yourself something else x x x x

    ~Buffy x x

    P.S shoes is always good, hmm and wine :rolleyes:

  • Tired of being Moody, sad, tearful, snappy (especially with the girls!)

    Tired of worrying about my weight, just worked so hard to shed 5 stone and so dont want to start putting it all back on.

    Tired of being tired, I just want some let up, I just want a ciggy!!!!!!!

    Indulge youself with something that will make you happy. You are doing great and the emotional stuff will pass...really it will. You made it through the withdrawals now you have to beat the addiction.

    With the cold turkey you may want to try St John's Wort for mood (I think it is helping me) and just trying to keep a healthful diet and some physical activity. It is amazing what these things can do for your mood. I am not always able to follow this advise but I feel so much better when I do.

  • Don't say "no" to yourself, just ask a different question. YES, I will allow myself to be able to breath, Yes I will let myself see my kids grow up, YES I will let oxygen instead of carbon monoxide fuel instead of poison my muscles amd, most importantly, YES I WILL EAT SCONES!

  • Thank you all!

    I didnt buy anything, as I still have a box of wine left and wasnt in the mood for shopping.

    My sister came with me and looks like she may have cancer again! They are gonna inject more stuff in my back next month, and my mum now lives in France so cant even run to her!! lol.

    Funny I am 27, 28 next week, and still when life goes tits up all you want is your mum!!!! Well I do anyway, lol!

    Sorry I am such a miserable cow at the moment!!

    I truely hope you are all having a better day xxxx

  • You are doing well, cold turkey is just yuk!! You cant even make it into a curry! Tried patches?

  • Hi Dave hehehehe, yeah not even home grown cold turkeys'!

    Tried patches but my skin really reacted badly to them.

    Well done you though, you seem to be doing great!!

  • Well that remains to be seen, read my thread on "School bus" !!

  • Well that remains to be seen, read my thread on "School bus" !!

    Love the blog!!

    What a wonderful way of life you and Denise have!

    This is my aim for retirement (a few years yet though!)

    xx

  • Wish I could retire, only 42!!

    Glad you enjoy the blog, it helps me. Just realised its a week for me!!

  • Wish I could retire, only 42!!

    Glad you enjoy the blog, it helps me. Just realised its a week for me!!

    Yey Well Done You!!! It must be getting easier if you've only just realised this!

    I miss France - went to school and lived there for quite a few years.

    Never mind, am downing a bucket of wine at the moment, waiting for Alan to come home with a bumper bar of Galaxy in time for Eastenders - some good things to be said for the UK!!!

    x

  • What about an inhalator trying? I t might help you with the @hand to mouth' thing.:confused:

  • Not ever tried it to be honest, but well worth keeping in mind. Just I have come this far without any NRT and dont really want to start now, but saying that, I would rather NRT than ciggy's!! We will have to wait and see. I am holding on for the moment, if I could get some sleep that might help, lol!!!!

    But thanks everyone xxxx

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