Two remarkable things happened to me yesterday....
The first, a trip to the dentist. I know that is not particularly remarkable but stay with me. I hate the dentist, really hate it. Stomach churning, feeling sick, sweaty palms type of hate. I had booked myself in a teeth clean for a treat since stopping smoking. I had subsequently started smoking again but it was too late to cancel the appointment without paying for it, so I went.
As nervous as I was, I smoked 3 cigarettes in the hour prior to getting in the car. Because, one of the reasons why we smoke is to help us get through periods of stress and anxiety...
Driving in my car on the way to the dentist I suddenly realised that I was still terrified, stomach was still churning and palms still sweating...and the cigarette had done NOTHING to stop that...NOTHING to calm me down...in fact, the only thing that it had done was to make me smell of fags at the dentist and stop me being able to tick the box that said non smoker. I laughed out loud in the car when I realised. It suddenly dawned on me, the trick of it all.
The second remarkable thing that happened to me was meeting my friend on our regular Monday night catch up. My friend is a smoker. A confirmed smoker, THE most confirmed smoker I have ever met. Never even tried to stop before. Cigarettes were what defined her (or so I thought). I found out last night that she has not had a cigarette in a week. It was gob smacked to say the very least. She was in control, tired, but in control and felt great.
So, after those two bombshells to my beliefs I have woken up this morning and decided that cigarettes are no longer for me. This is my pledge:
I WILL NOT SMOKE TODAY
Thank you lovely forum for listening to my rambling and for your support xx