caved...

[nsd_user663_2220]

sigh...4 days with no smoking and i cracked. i probably handled it really badly... went to a gold tournament saturday w/ my boyfriend and his work buddies. the day was going great...everything was good then we got there really early and everyone started drinking and smoking. i decided not to drink but it was all getting to me. i had just gone golfing the wkend before and smoked... i often have a few drinks... i felt like i was missing out on so much. i was actually ok and probably couldnt have handled it but in my mind i was thinking "this isn't supposed to be ok. im quitting smoking...i should be upset that no one cares im quitting and they're still smoking in my face"... i got extremely grumpy and depressed and spent most of the 9 holes not talking and avoiding everyone. on the 4th hole i caved and asked for a couple of beers...i ended up having 5 and by the time the game was over i was dying for one. no one wanted to give me one because i had "done so well"...but all i wanted was one to get rid of the depression and grumpiness... i ended up getting a really really really thin ukrainian cig from one of the women there... prolly 1/5 or 1/6 the size of a reg cig...but enough to ruin 4 good days.

today i feel like a failure... i had pretty much convinced myself to go back to smoking yesterday and the only real thing stopping me is that i literally have NO extra money for smokes...i can barely afford food and gas without them. i am stressed from school, i am bored... i miss socializing with the people at home and at school...it was a way to meet new people... yet it made me so sick and feel horrible. the most daunting part is knowing that the thought of having a cig will never go away...i will never be able to have one and say "i dont need that"... i don't know if i will ever stop wanting one...

[nsd_user663_1733]

Come on Chelly babe Boudee is right put the blip behind you and you will feel you dont need them it just takes a little time Linda xxxx

[nsd_user663_1704]

The first week is tough x x x x

But once you get through that Things will not seem so low x x x

1 teeny cig on day 4 is not bad going x x

You chose not to continue and are carrying on through x x

Well done for that albeit lack of funds you are still not smoking!!

Stay strong, hold your head high and smile x x

~Buffy x x

[nsd_user663_2212]

Hey hey Chelle....

It really is good news all round really, so you needn't be beating yourself up. Remember, you are only human and everything we do is a learning process! You've learned some really really important things here:

1. You know that you can do it! You KNOW that you can do without those dreadful death-sticks! After day three, it's easier - the cravings are much lower and already you are 're-programming' your mind to stop that nasty habit of 'reaching for one.'

2. You know what *WILL* make you smoke. You were doing great until you had a few drinks. So... you know where this is going, doing you? Of course - just don't drink for a while. Hey, who would have thought it - give up smoking and become TWICE as healthy!

3. You now know what it feels like to be back at day 1! The more days you go without smoking, the more it's going to hurt you when you have a smoke. Now, armed with that knowledge, all you have to do now is beat four days.....

Ok now for the bland bit about choices. As human beings, we only ever make a choice for one of two reasons: to gain pleasure, or to avoid pain. Well isn't that the same thing? Surely if you are gaining pleasure, you ARE avoiding pain. Well yes, maybe so. But think of it like this: You are in bed, having a wonderful time with your lover. Then a tiger walks in! (Unlikely, I know, but just go with me on this). Do you carry on making love (gaining pleasure) or do you GET THE HELL OUT OF THE ROOM (and so avoiding pain). We can see from this example that not only are they NOT the same thing, but the avoidance of pain will always ALWAYS be taken before the gain of pleasure.

So what has all this got to do with smoking? Or more importantly NOT smoking? Well it's all your perception when faced with a desire (or offer) to smoke: is this situation going to give me pleasure or am I going to avoid pain? I can't answer what YOU might think in this situation. Maybe you are associating more PAIN to not smoking than you do pleasure?

More stuff to remember:

You are a NON smoker, not an EX smoker! Say this 10 times at the beginning of the day, in the shower, 15 times at lunchtime whilst you are out buying your lunch (or eating it) and 20 times at the end of the day before you go to sleep. Oh and vary the emphasis:

*I* am a non-smoker.

I *am* a non-smoker.

I am a *non-smoker.*

LET THIS BE YOUR NEW MANTRA! We all have the power to create our own reality! (Yes really) You have to keep reminding yourself what is it that you are achieving, not at what you are avoiding!!

The important thing to remember is that the decision you have made is the correct decision! Congratulations!

[nsd_user663_1789]

I like your view on things Diablo, always nice to have a fresh way of looking at things.

Now, should i go to the gym tonight and gain pleasure when i get a skinny arse, or should i not go and avoid the pain?!?!?!

[nsd_user663_1789]

Depends if its a tiger, as in big cat, or tiger as in sexy beast,

if its the latter i'm definitely going, miaow!!

[nsd_user663_2212]

Chocobunny:

Depends on whether having a fat arse will cause you less pain than the pleasure of sitting on it tonight, watching eastenders.

Personally, I'd take my chances with the gym or the tiger rather than EastEnders.

And why am i talking about EastEnders? Well apparently, I talk about sex too much and am trying to have other focus in my life.

(Yeah, right!)

[nsd_user663_2176]

I guess it would depend on weather there is a tiger at the gym or not

or whether the chances of having sex were greater at home or at the gym... or have I misunderstood that??

[nsd_user663_1789]

I'll let you know if i get lucky tonight.

Actually, one of the fellas i'm chatting to on a dating site also goes to the same gym as me, so if i bump into him...........:eek: :eek:

[nsd_user663_2142]

Diablo - Every post I read of yours is absolutely amazing. You make perfect sense and you really know what you are talking about. You are a great help to the forum...thank you!

Chelly, I have been exactly where you are before. I would always want to give up and say f*ck it! I thought I would NEVER stop thinking about ciggies and never enjoy anything every again and uhhh who cares...If I don't smoke life is complete sh*t!!!! I didn't care what any said cause it didn't matter, I felt like I was going to smoke because everyone was lying to me about it gets easier and what the hell do they know....

My relationships with people seemed different and not as good anymore and going outside was dumb unless i was going to smoke and doing anything was pointless unless I could smoke before, during and or after doing it and OMG I will never feel normal again...

Stop - deep breath, sigh!!

I am more than a month in and things are better now. Not completely fine, but better. I know you are feeling like 'yeah right lady' because I was feeling the same when people told me it was better...but just keep it in the back of your mind - It will get better...just try...don't give in...you are doing amazing and only YOU can do this for YOU so make it happen and you will be soooo proud of yourself when you see you CAN do it!!!!

Chin up - we are here for you! Continue forward and no turning back.

[nsd_user663_2212]

Thank you NS4M, I'm just trying to help out!

[nsd_user663_2212]

I'll let you know if i get lucky tonight.

Actually, one of the fellas i'm chatting to on a dating site also goes to the same gym as me, so if i bump into him...........:eek: :eek:

So, did ya? Huh huh?

[nsd_user663_1789]

Well i didn't go to the gym (followed the avoid the pain theory), but then later found out that he did!!

Damn, missed opportunity there!!!

[nsd_user663_2212]

..shame. Maybe next time!

[nsd_user663_1789]

Lil tight shorts would not do me any favours!!!