Hi all,
So I have been doing pretty well with this latest relapse. I feel as if I am through the worst, but I have one compulsion that I feel has become almost a habit. I check myself too much. Am I feeling ok? Do I feel like myself? I can mostly dismiss the questions and tell myself to be present and that helps. But there is also the question “ is something wrong”. I know this is all classic OCD. Just wondering if anyone can relate?
All the time, right now even. It's harder when I'm down, and don't have much momentum from the day.
100% - But my checking isn't really about myself but my accounts. Bank accounts, utility accounts, credit reports. I check by bank app like 15 times a day. I'm the only one using it. I know exactly what I buy. But I check it over and over. As if I can't go on until I know that everything is as it should be. I try to be in the present and not what if-ing the future but for some reason I am always focused on my accounts.
I can relate to doing compulsions out of habit. Towards the end of my active OCD, some of the compulsions seemed to be on autopilot. Sometimes there wasn’t an obsession there. For instance, if I touched a particular thing I use to have an obsession that a particular harm would occur if I didn’t wash my hands. Through challenging the OCD bully through values-based ERP I discovered that wasn’t true and I usually don’t have obsessions now. After not feeling the “need” to wash my hands after touching certain things, I still did sometimes for several months. The obsession usually wasn’t there but I was so use to washing for 40 years after touching certain things that it became an association, even without the obsession. It’s the basic conditioning as in the famous Pavlov and the dog example. It took several months after realizing this, and conscious effort, not to wash out of habit. I didn’t go on autopilot with the religious scrupulosity theme though. Why the difference? I don’t know.
Exactly!!
The questions "Is something wrong?" or "Am I feeling ok?" pop from to time into your mind, and, if you aren't careful, you know you could be drawn into an obsessional checking spiral.
In my case, the question "Is there a better OCD treatment than those presently available?" pops into my mind from time to time, and, if I'm not careful, I know I can be drawn into an exploring spiral. I have to remind myself that I'm only responsible of doing my best given the knowledge I presently have.
Thank you as always!
Just joined here .. 
Fear that I am a Narcissist
Am new, my little story if you like to read
Is this Mania
