Update!!

[MyOCD123]

Hi everyone!

It’s been a while since I posted on here and I just wanted to give you an update on how I’ve been doing.

When I first joined this forum I was seeing my therapist twice a week and struggling to function in every aspect of my life. Now as I write this, I can say that I am only seeing my therapist once a month (or at least that is what we are attempting - but so far so good)! Ideas and obsessions that once drove me to the point of feeling physically ill are now nothing more than a mere annoyance from time to time, and when they pop up I don’t engage with them. I know better than that now.

I won’t lie, it’s not all perfect. There are a lot of really good days, but there are also days where I feel OCD creeping up behind me. I know that each time it sees me thrive it wants nothing more than to pull me back to that dark dark place where I was chained and locked up. And to be honest, I still worry about going back there. Even as I improve, I can’t deny that OCD is still terrifying. I think if I had the power to make people understand one thing about OCD it would be the constant fear and terror that people like you and me have to face every single day.

There are still plenty of times where I will catch myself doing compulsions like mental reviewing or checking my rear view mirror on my drive to and from work - but as soon as I identify them I make the difficult decision to stop because I know that in the end they will not help me. Only I can help me.

These past few months have been a crazy blur. I used to worry that I had harmed someone in the past and was hiding it (And I still get those worries). I didn’t want to eat, sleep, or do anything really for that matter. I didn’t think I could ever get better. But I did. And the hardest part about this journey was, and still is, having to make the conscious effort to let go of my obsessions. OCD can tell me I’m a pedophile or a murderer and show me horrible false memory after horrible false memory, and I am left to choose if I am going to believe these thoughts or not. And I choose not to. Sometimes it feels so wrong to make that choice, but I have to remind myself that OCD lies. Always.

There’s a quote that I have loved for years, but up until I got my diagnosis a few months ago didn’t have much meaning to me. It goes like this, “She realized none of it was real and set herself free”. I guess there was a reason it always clung to me. I’m sorry if this post is too long but I just wanted to share and let you know that whoever and wherever your are - I am incredibly proud of you. Whether you feel like you’re making progress or not, you are here reading this and still choosing to live with this disease. That is bravery. I hope and pray that freedom comes for each one of you because you deserve it. Set yourself free. The pain you’ll feel in this process is worth it - I promise.

P.S. The endless love, encouragement, and support I receive here means the absolute world to me. I don’t know your names or faces but I am forever grateful to you.

[TPebble]

Thanks for sharing! This is such an awesome and inspiring post; it shows how overcoming OCD is possible for each of us with some (or a lot of) time and energy, even with the struggling. I am genuinely happy for your success and successes to come! Cheers!

[LuvSun]

This is a beautiful post- so so happy for you! I felt so inspired while reading this. Thank you

[Hidden]

Hi 123 - I am so glad to hear from you again. Your posts are always so insightful, helpful, and interesting. I'm glad you are feeling and doing so much better. I remember when I was in my severe stage that I could hardly eat, either. I would force myself to eat some peanut butter on bread. You are such a joy to get to know.

[MyOCD123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!

[mirandakj]

Hey MyOCD123! I just wanted to thank you for writing about your journey. I’m 17 and I was just diagnosed with OCD last week—so, as I’m sure you understand, this is a scary time for me. This post, however, has been so cathartic and empowering for me. I’m profoundly grateful that you shared your story. It means so much. ❤️

[MyOCD123 in reply to mirandakj]

I am so glad I can offer you some comfort in this time I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you continue your battle with OCD. Recovery is difficult but possible! 💖

[Wheeloffortune]

Thank you so much for your beautiful post💖 I’m at about the same stage. Most of the time I feel set free, but ocd reminds me that it’s lurking in the wings. I realized I have ocd about my ocd🤣🤣 interestingly enough, I’m going to the ocd conference in Austin, and there is a seminar about that!! I’m so excited to go. My daughter is going with me(she is a therapist that also has ocd). Is there anyone else here who is going? I would love to meet you in person if you would want to.

So proud of you and thanks again for your encouragement 👍👍👍💪🏻💪🏻🙏

[MyOCD123 in reply to Wheeloffortune]

Thank you for the kind words! I wish I was going to the conference!!! I’m thinking maybe next year. I would definitely love to meet you all in person someday!

[LuvSun in reply to Wheeloffortune]

Not able to attend this year but went last year and loved it! It would be fun to meet up with others on this forum. Maybe next year

[MyOCD123 in reply to LuvSun]

I hope so!

[Huskymamaa]

Thank you for this.

[MyOCD123 in reply to Huskymamaa]

Thank YOU for taking the time to read this and leave a comment! I love interacting with everyone in this community. 😊

[Worrier35]

What a positively, uplifting post!! MyOCD123, you have come a long way in your recovery, and seem to be on the right track!! Never give up or give in to the ugly things OCD wants us to believe!!! You got this!!

[MyOCD123 in reply to Worrier35]

Thank you for this, I needed to hear it today. I’ve had a lot of ugly thoughts and images in my head lately and I’ve been doing my best to try not to solve them or attach any meaning. Your message really gave me the push I needed today. 💖

[QuietStorm98]

Thank you for those encouraging words!