OCD and memory

[Weeping_Willow]

Hi,

Does anyone else feel like they have really poor memory?

I just feel that the depth of my memories from the past and the ability to maintain memories if I don't use the knowledge is really poor. I have been told that it is because when you have OCD your brain has a hard time making long-term memories because it is so focused on other matters ALL the time.

I have felt like this for a long time, and lately it is scaring me as with having taken SSRIs on and off for years and also the continuous stress may lead to worse memory as I get older and even worse.

Is there hope that even though I am in my early 50s now, that if I can get my stress and OCD under control, my memory can improve. I am quite high-functioning in terms of my brain, but it is just the memory part that lets me down. I am not one who has had to use lists when multitasking or anything like that, it is more memory of life events, facts that I have read (I want to learn more species of birds, birdsong, other species that I see when hiking, but could this be more that I don't use the information and so it doesn't get retained?).

Sorry, I am a bit jumbled as I am just going through a VERY stressful time but I hope that my question is clear.

Thank you all. God bless.

[Keyboardist]

I hear you about difficulties with memory. For me (as is the case currently), if I am stressed with an increase in intrusive symptoms, it is hard to 'access' the memory banks in the way we would usually (for either retrieval and possibly storage of memories. I hope you/me both feel better soon

[Weeping_Willow in reply to Keyboardist]

I hope we do too. Thanks for sharing.

[PaperTigers]

I can totally relate, as the OCD has worsened, so has my memory. I never made the connection. It's part of the reason I tell myself I can't go back to school because I can't retain enough for tests. Very frustrating.

[Weeping_Willow in reply to PaperTigers]

Luckily when I went back to school in my late 30s/40 I didn't have any tests. It was all course based. Maybe you would surprise yourself, but I know that I was also relieved about this. Some courses don't have tests though, so maybe it would be worth looking into if it is something that you would really like to do. AND hopefully your OCD will get better and your memory with improve too! 💟

[Winnie_WTP]

Do you think the stress is impacting your memory? I ask because there have been a couple of instances where that was the case with me. For example, one day I was stressed about something upcoming and while I recall being super present at the time of a particular event, when I tried to recall the past event just a couple of hours later, my memory was fragmented- only recalled specific pieces of the event but not all details in a fluid and complete format. Also, the scariest memory-loss time happened when one day I was stressed about facing someone from my past. I recall being super present for this one particular Friday evening. I had trouble sleeping as I kept thinking about a response I needed to give to someone from my past about something. Finally around 2AM I replied to this person's message and while I was confident in what I said, I was petrified of their potential reaction. I went back immediately to being the scared teenager I once was despite the fact that I'm almost 40 years old now. After sending the message I finally went to sleep. However that following morning I couldn't recall all the details from Friday night - some significant details and chunks of time completely missing from my memory. I panicked and wrote to my therapist. She explained to me that the short-term memory loss was a PTSD reaction I had from facing that particular person from my past.

So I noticed since then that sometimes stress, trauma or PTSD triggers short-term memory loss for me.

Since my memory loss is caused specifically by stress/trauma, I'm wondering if there is a causal relationship between your stress and memory loss as well. Perhaps this could be something to discuss with a clinical professional?

[Weeping_Willow in reply to Winnie_WTP]

I am sure stress is a BIG part of it. Cortisol wreaks havoc on the body. I have talked about it with a psychiatrist from my past and they mentioned that it was because our brains are so focused on other things that we don't give other things enough attention to sink in, but even when I have been relaxed and taking things in (as I mentioned, for example, looking up a species of bird or fungus or something), it is hard for me to then remember the names of these things in the future when I come across them again, so that may be more stress related that is affecting my long-term memory as a whole. It can be scary though as I only feel a part of who I am.

[Sunset_21]

Hi, sorry you are dealing with this. I too feel that my last major OCD episode really damaged my memory. I think my brain just got overloaded from too much stress and emotions, and now it's hard to make anything stick. I also think it gave me a bit of depression, because it also feels that not much is worth remembering. It made school really hard last year.

[Weeping_Willow in reply to Sunset_21]

I am sorry that you are going through this. I suppose we all have to learn to lower our stress levels maybe but it is easier said than done. I hope school is better for you this year if you are still going (sorry have no idea of your age and what type of school).

Take care of yourself.

[Lilac-77]

I have noticed in my OCD journey I also have a memory problem on a daily basis. Like you said it’s like your brain is constantly going but I’m not retaining things as well as I used to, so I completely understand and I think it’s common with OCD🙃

[Eli_E]

Yeah, I've always noticed it. In my family its sort of the joke that I can't remember anything, but it does make me sad that lovely experiences just sort of slip through my brain

[SCC1]

I have had a bad memory for many, many years. I forget the smallest things like what I did with something or if I just looked at/heard something, I forget sometimes within minutes, what that was.

This is probably going to sound extreme, but I don't even notice things that are right in front of me. If I'm looking for a shirt or a cup of juice, I will walk right past it. Then sometimes I'm looking all over the house for the item.

I've also been told that is from stress. My brain is so focused on what I'm doing at the moment, that I'm not paying attention to what just happened. I have so much on my mind, even if I'm not aware of that at the time, that I forget real easily. It's like it didn't happen in the 1st place. Tbh, I've blamed others for taking things from me or hiding them. Could be paranoia though.

I also have many periods of time I don't remember from my past: my school years, family parties, what happened at this event, etc. Like I said, it's like I was never there or the things never happened. I heard one time that it feels like you have "snap shots" of certain things. You only remember them piece by piece.

You are definitely not alone in this. I worry, too, that maybe I might lose my memory at some point-all of it. But, I have been advised to try to pay attention to what I'm doing "now", and hopefully I will be able to recall it if I need to.

And, I agree with you; it is scary. But hopefully we can get better with this and remember the things that are important to us once again.

[Weeping_Willow in reply to SCC1]

I am so sorry that you have this issue. Just sending a virtual hug (my OCD wouldn't allow me to give you a real hug anyway. LOL).

[SCC1 in reply to Weeping_Willow]

Hugs back to you, too. Thank you.

[LuckyGuy123]

Hi Weeping Willow,

With the onset of OCD at 14, I immediately noticed that my memory of life events became impaired. Quite suddenly, trying to remember life events became like remembering a dream. I felt amazed and alarmed at how quickly it came about.

As you indicate, it seems reasonable to theorize that when attention is captured in ruminative OCD processes then it is not present for what's going on in life. Therefore, memory formation would suffer.

That has been decades ago, and my memory has not gotten any worse. Hopefully that will give your mind some permission to let go of some of the worry.

God bless,

Joe