pls help - I just did an exposure but I can't handle the anxiety

[lavender514]

Hi, I just did an exposure earlier but I am so overwhelmed. I was actually doing okay but after I did the exposure I am filled with anxiety, as the exposure triggered me. I feel so afraid that I messed it up for myself. I feel afraid I did it wrongly. I feel afraid I messed up my recovery, and I will never get back up again. I feel afraid it is all downhill from here. I feel worried that this new thought will get stuck inside me and I can't overcome it. this is the end of me.

[deValentin]

You're now expecting the worst because you may be demoralized. What you need is to get some success in your recovery efforts. What about making a hierarchy of triggers and restarting ERP with more manageable triggers? Recovery is a slow process. Wanting to go too fast may be counterproductive. You must give time to time, like they say.

[lavender514 in reply to deValentin]

okay, I will try that. Thank you. You have been most kind in replying to most of my posts, it is appreciated.

[PaperTigers]

OCD makes every "mistake" ( perceived OR real) feel catastrophic. It's so easy to spiral out the way you did but it's not the end, you didn't damn your progress whatsoever- it's just your brain reacting to the trigger. You're going to be okay, it's huge that you took the step to do an exposure and you should be proud that you had that courage. Take a deep breath, as cliche as that may sound, it helps. You're going to get through this.

[lavender514 in reply to PaperTigers]

i will, thank you so much

[Coffeelove4444]

keep pushing forward you can do it!! It’s only a thought. Don’t give it so much attention. Say to yourself “okay OCD brain I hear you but not today “ Don’t say oh my god the thought must be true. The thoughts are NOT true. Take care and never give up 😀

[Lauragbr]

do you have any meds for anxiety?

[greenluna]

Congratulations on facing such a fear and living through the uncomfortability. It sounds like OCD is angry that you challenged the status quo so it's trying everything in its wheelhouse to throw at you. As soon as one thought diminishes, it will waste no time finding the next devastating scenario. All to tell you it's something you messed up. OCD is a liar. It's telling you the complete opposite of who you are. Keep going. Maybe a little lighter as others have advised. But it will happen. That suddenly the noise is not winning anymore. More power to you.

[lavender514 in reply to greenluna]

thank you so much, i will keep trying. it's tough really

[Sallyskins]

Exposure therapy is hard. I think it's best to stretch yourself enough to make you feel uncomfortable, but not so much that you flood yourself with anxiety and put yourself off trying again.

Also remember that OCD makes you feel that anything you do is 'wrong'. Its default setting is to put you in the 'wrong' when in fact you've done nothing wrong at all.

Let it settle - concentrate on other things - things that you can do to challenge the OCD and things you can do to lift your spirits. Don't ruminate - don't try to rationalize it - just let it go as much as you can. These feelings do go away - it's picking away at them that makes them harden. It's like a sore that heals by itself if left, but if you keep on pulling off the scab it takes longer to heal and leaves a scar.

[lavender514 in reply to Sallyskins]

Thanks Sallyskins, your words are encouraging. Yes, in fact, I had continued doing the exposures in the past few days with considerable success. Now it has changed to that if I do it in morning, it will be bad. My brain tells me that if I do it in morning, it will be dangerous. I have challenged it by purposely doing it in morning, and indeed it is very anxiety triggering. But it's tough also my brain will then tell me I shouldn't do that, I am doing it wrong, I am needlessly triggering myself. 😣 indeed it is tough!

[Sallyskins in reply to lavender514]

That's another thing with OCD - it's great at shape-shifting! Something that hasn't been a problem before suddenly starts setting off your OCD, while something else that caused you problems recedes.

And I'm afraid that the OCD brain has a default setting of 'you're doing it wrong'. But each little attempt at exposure, no matter how small, no matter whether it succeeds or not, helps to undo the OCD. It's tough - I know, have been through it and still going through it - but keep on with it!

[Lauragbr in reply to Sallyskins]

Yes, you’re correct about the shape shifting!!