OCD is so sneaky

[Lauragbr]

I have been doing well on my road to recovery from my latest relapse. I had a fabulous day yesterday and got zapped by a thought/feeling at the end of the day. I do ERP with this particular thought because it’s one that can get to me. It’s not so much the thought as the feeling. I have been dealing with this off and on today and unfortunately I am disappointed in myself that I got sucked in again, I know this is classic OCD, sort of like saying “ you thought you were doing so well, well guess what I’m still here.” I’m sure most of you understand this feeling.

[TrueBlue23]

I definitely understand how you're feeling. I like the way you phrased it as being zapped, as it does feel that way sometimes. The fact that you'd coped well all day though shows that it's your reaction to the thought that triggers these feelings or the OCD from kicking in. I find I generally get zapped when I'm tired or stressed, so it does tend to get you when you're more susceptible to giving in or succumbing to the thought. You've proved you can cope though so that should give you some encouragement moving forward 👍

[Lauragbr in reply to TrueBlue23]

Getting zapped is something I think I need to explain. I can do ERP and have the same thought and I deal with it fine. When I get “ zapped” it’s like my brain misfires and the same thought “ feels” real. This is what OCD is to me, I do ERP with this particular thought a lot because I don’t want to be afraid of it, but I never know when the “ zap” will come. Sometimes I deal with it fine, but it really took a full 24 hours to get out of the feeling. Today I am trying to replicate the feeling and it is difficult. Does anyone know what I mean?

[Natureloverpeace]

Recovery isn’t linear and yes, it’s sneaky. OCD is a scam artist and no one does recovery perfectly. Maybe look at what happened as an opportunity to understand OCD’s playbook a little better. You got duped, it happens sometimes. We are imperfect human beings. I encourage you to give yourself some self-compassion because you deserve that. You are more than good enough despite any crap OCD tries to feed you. OCD may have pulled a fast one on you but get back up, dust yourself off and keep moving toward your values. Screw OCD, you got this. Progress, not perfection. Again, recovery isn’t linear.

[Lauragbr in reply to Natureloverpeace]

Thank you so much for your response!! I am feeling better this morning, but yesterday was rough.

[Sallyskins]

Think of the positives - a fabulous day and doing well generally. Each little victory helps to undo the OCD.

[Lauragbr in reply to Sallyskins]

You are so right!! Forward!

[deValentin]

I understand the feeling. It's not always easy to strike a balance between not having enough faith in oneself, being hypervigilant about any signs of OCD creeping back, and being complacent, taking recovery for granted.

It seems like you have a lot of insights about how recovery works, which is a good reason to stay hopeful.

[Lauragbr in reply to deValentin]

I’ve been dealing with OCD off and on since I’m 15 when no one knew what was wrong with me. I have been extremely proactive over the past 15 years and so I understand it more and more, but yet I still learn things. Read my post under this thread about how I feel when I get “ zapped”. Can you relate to it?

[deValentin in reply to Lauragbr]

I just read the post in question. If I understand correctly, 'being zapped' implies that a feeling or sensation erupts in you with a sudden force. I have been overwhelmed all of the sudden by a feeling of futility or utter despair before. I can see how it could happen with an urge to remove all obscurities or feelings of incompleteness in a certain domain, for instance. However, in my experience, it seems to me that an OCD peak comes gradually. Imperceptibly, I get sucked up into an attempt at all costs to solve a problem that's puzzling me. I know it's foolish and I feel under pressure to reach a conclusion as quickly as possible as not to appear foolish in the eyes of others, but I find it difficult to reason myself. Waiting for time to cool off my brain is often what works for me.

Maybe I should pay closer attention in the future and see how OCD peaks usually sart.

[Lauragbr in reply to deValentin]

I think OCD is somewhat unique to us all.

[deValentin]

Indeed, there are some common traits and some particular ones like with a lot of disorders. But my curiosity is piqued now, so I'm going to make notes about how an episode starts because my memory isn't the best.

[Lauragbr in reply to deValentin]

I’d be curious to hear what you find!!

[deValentin]

I tried to remember past episodes, and I think it could happen both ways. Sometimes I felt triggered and that life would be unbearable if I didn't start a search for complete certainty. Other times, I felt life would be unbearable if I ended, or even paused, a search for completeness. It was more of a gradual thing. It didn't seem to start as an overwhelming urge, or at least I was not aware of it.

[Lauragbr in reply to deValentin]

Although I think OCD has many similarities amongst us, I do think each of us has our own individual experiences. For me , I have had years with barely any symptoms. Then something triggers a relapse and the relapse is horrible for three months and then slowly starts to get better but it takes quite awhile. At least now I have tools and professionals to help me. For years I didn’t.

[Shanty1234]

Anyone have any advice with OCD breathing?