Does OCD tell you you have to do certain things?

[5Flyingeagle]

I am new to this my daughter is 8 1/2 years old. She is diagnosed with ADHD Combined, OCD, ODD, Sensory issues and Anxiety-Nos also a fancy word for not potty trained at night. Her OCD is constantly making her tardy to school; now summer school. I wake her up at 6:00 a.m. to be there by 8:00 a.n. for summer school. She has been tardy every day. 5 days now. Tardy so much while regular school was in secession. She is constantly telling OCD to stop it, no don't want to, no, no go away. She tells me she thinks of something or something just pops into her head and her OCD tells her she has to watch videos (on you tube) or play a certain game or listen to a particular song. People I have asked say something else is going on OCD didn't tell you what to do it sounds like different personalities or something. I am scared for my daughter, sdhe says people or they (not sure who or what they are, I tried asking and she said she didnt know and got upset so i dropped it) are watching me. Also, she make me redue things if I touch her or get in her way. She gets upset and starts yelling at me and grabbing me and try to make me redue what i just did. I haven't seen her do this to anyone else; but I am the one she is comfortable around and is around her 24/7. Her dad I think is in denial that anything is wrong with her. He blames me for what ever she does wrong. She will also tell me to be quiet and leave her alone she is doing her OCD, she keeps getting it wrong and starting over.

I know you are not doctors; but I would like anyone's option to help me figure her out and try and help her. Thank you in advance. A concerned mom.

Sorry rambling on. Thanks again

Just to let you know she isn't on any medications.

[Selesnya]

It sure sounds like OCD from how you describe it. To my mind there are very few rules for OCD. It seems to strike different people very differently. At its base the commonality is this intolerance of uncertainty. People want to be sure that something bad won't or didn't happen, and are willing to engage in all sorts of compulsive or avoidance behavior in order to do their best to get that certainty.

If you haven't found a therapist that specialized in OCD and anxiety disorders, I would recommend finding someone that can help with ERP and treatment. You can check out the iocdf.org website for a list of therapists.

[5Flyingeagle in reply to Selesnya]

Selesnya thank you.

1 question does OCD for a lack of word talk to you? Or you talk to the OCD?

[Selesnya in reply to 5Flyingeagle]

I wouldn't say that I view OCD as separate from myself telling me things. I just get urges to respond a certain way, and sometimes those urges are extremely difficult to not respond to. It certainly does feel like something that I am telling myself to do in order to cope with a situation or thoughts.

I do know some people in my local OCD support group that talk about OCD as it's own entity, often saying things like "OCD is a bully" and feeling that they are in conversation/conflict with an adversary.

[5Flyingeagle in reply to Selesnya]

Thank you i am going crazy trying to figure all this out. It took me for ever to get a diagnose. It is like I was crazy saying my young daughter does his and that but no-one else was seeing it not even her teachers. She started preschool @ the age of 3. Even when I pointed things out. I Asked repeatedly to have her evaluated at school. Finally i had to go over their heads. They sent the paper work for me & the teacher & the school physiologist checked her out. It was like night & day. Besides not wanting to do the work, fidgeting, make eye contact, make conversations (only a word or two no descriptive story that little ones always go into) and separation anxiety (She never wanted me to leave in preschool). The school and her pediatrician at the time just kept telling me she is acting normal and she will catch up. 'Kids develope at different rates. Kids will be kids"; them last 2 I would like to shove down EVERYONES throat that says them to me. Or "you are the adult, tell her t o stop acting up." They doing get her issues. She isn't acting up she is doing her OCD. My husband & middle daughters are The worst at that last one. I have two older "normal" girls (25 & almost 20). The behaviors was black at home & white at school. She hides it at school and releases all the bound up stuff that she has held in on me when I pick her up from school. The preschool did put her on an IEP. She did speech up until this year (end of 2nd grade they said she has mastered all the skills and the socal skills she shows all the right stuff so they said they couldn't help her anymore. This taking place in a comfortable place [speech room with at most 5 or 6 kids.]

In her regular 2nd grade class of 26 the social skill taught go out the window). At the end of 2nd grade they took her off of the IEP and have her on a 504 starting in 3rd Grade. All I know is people think I am crazy and making this all up about my daughter even after I show them the diagnose papers by socialist. The developmental pediatrician wants to put her on medicine. My husband does not. But he don't deal with her most of the time. I am torn about medicating her. I am heart broken when she goes spiraling out of control. Sometimes she says I wish I didn't have OCD. it drives us both crazy.

Sorry to vent. Thanks again for your informative information.

One more question she complains her head hurts all the time, is this a normal thing for OCD?

Her stomachs hurts all the time also. I doubt the 2 things are related.

She was a very gassy baby (both ends, I never heard a baby burp or fast so loud, people would look at me like I did it. She is a very picky eater and gets constipated often.

Sorry again, I will let you go. Thanks again.

[Selesnya in reply to 5Flyingeagle]

I would try to start with finding a therapist, and no offense to pediatricians, but I would try to find an expert on OCD and not trust a half-informed opinion. A lot of people don't realize how debilitating OCD can be and think that it can just be easily solved with medication.

You may have already seen resources like this, but I would check out:

iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-tre...

and

iocdf.org/families/

I think that both pages offer the right mindset in approaching treatment and trying to help a family member with OCD.

Once you have a rapport established with a therapist, they can suggest whether they think that medication may be helpful or not in your daughter's situation. Often just ERP is enough, though certainly this is not the case for everyone (and don't trust my opinion, I'm just a person doing his best with OCD).

I don't know about headaches, but several people here have complained about stomach pain from tension and anxiety that is directly a result of OCD.

[5Flyingeagle in reply to Selesnya]

Thank you for your insight.

The Developmental Pediatrician wanted to put her on medication for ADHD.

No one has been helpful. Thanks again

[soundofmusic11]

This definitely seems like OCD. In regards to it “telling her what to do”, OCD definitely has that effect. It is very controlling, but it is not like another voice is telling your child what to do. Different people interpret the way OCD controls differently, even though it is doing the same thing to everyone, which is convincing us to do rituals and things so nothing bad will happen. In my case, I see OCD more as a sick side of me, rather than another entity telling me what to do. I hope this makes sense, I wouldn’t worry about her behavior, it’s just the way she is interpreting her OCD.

[5Flyingeagle in reply to soundofmusic11]

Thank you.

[Hidden]

Hi....It broke my heart to read your post. This was my daughter 17 years ago. She is now 20 but her OCD symptoms started when she was three years old. She was also diagnosed with EVERYTHING you mentioned, but in the end, it was ALL, ONLY OCD. OCD mimics other disorders especially sensory integration. We spent many years with multiple doctors trying to figure out what was wrong. I was also the one who she was most comfortable with so she always held it together at school, but then literally EXPLODED at home. She did not phrase it the way your daughter is though.....She never mentioned "they" are telling her what to do or "people" are watching. OCD is very demanding and bosses us around, maybe that is what she is referring to?? I'm sorry I can't be of more help in this area. My daughter eventually went on medication which took the edge off, but her real help came in the form of therapy. Finding a therapist who is experienced in ERP for OCD, can sometimes be a challenge. Stay strong.....you are not alone.

[5Flyingeagle in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Pocketpie]

It took me 23 years to figure out what I had. Once I realized that it was OCD it all made sense. I had many of the sensory things that you have described here as well as the feeling that I was being forced or told by my brain that I had to carry out certain compulsive behaviors. To my utter dread, I begin to see the signs in my daughter when she was 3 years old. I immediately started doing a ton of research trying to find out how to help her realize that it was in her mind. Finally I found in a book that suggested one way to give a child the wheel was to give the OCD a name. She was little and we would call it the "rude boss" (the rude boss is telling you to do this right now, silently tell the rude boss that they are not in control!) As she got older she was able to understand that it was obsessive compulsive disorder, and she copes so much better with it than I did as a child! One of our greatest tools is a dry erase board. She goes to bed with the dry erase board on her bed and every night when the thoughts come and she can't make them shut up she writes them down in a list and she is able to sleep. This was one of those things that I wish I had had as a child! It is taking me so many years to figure out different ways of coping with it like this, your child is so lucky to have you as an understanding mother that will help them get through. You can do this! It is also helpful to learn to distinguish OCD tantrums from regular tantrums. OCD tantrums are accompanied by the signs of anxiety, like making the problem a mountain out of a molehill, shortness of breath, hysterical crying screaming or talking really fast, etc. Those are the perfect times to mention that the "rude boss" is making you feel this way. Also, the belief that there is physical pain (or the actual presence of physical pain like headaches and stomach pain) can be caused by the fear of being sick or dying or everything going bad all at once. This is OCD. Almost all of us experience this.

[5Flyingeagle in reply to Pocketpie]

Thank you. I have tried to tell her that she is in control and not her OCD. That make things get 10 times worse. When she is out there kind of in her own world fighting off her OCD, she says they are going to do bad things to her. (That is what she says) If by chance she lets me get close to her without hitting me or throwing things she will latch on to me with a death grip. (arms & feet) It scares me and I don't see anything. I try and tell her that everything is fine I am her to protect her. (Seen somewhere that isn't the right thing to say, so I am trying to learn what is the right thing to do.) She tells me she has to watch YouTube videos to calm down. We go and get the tablet and she gets on and after a minute or two she seems more calm. Her constant doing the exact opposite of what I tell her to do or if I ask her too help me or do something for me; she can't, 99% of the time. Her dad and sisters another story. Big sister (21 In November) came over and cooked dinner. Kianna wanted to help and did everything daddy and sister told her to do. It KILLS ME. The don't get what is wrong with her and says she is weird and does weird things that creep them out. They don't see the true stuff cause she keeps it under control while In front of them. Once in another room just me & her sometimes she will loose it a little. If they leave it is like someone released the hounds sometimes.

I feel like I do everything and try and understand and try to do what she tells me her OCD tells her that I got to do. (Usually I messed with her in the middle of her OCD moves and she has to start over and I got to go back to where I was until she does it right [frustrating when to me it looks like she just keeps doing the same thing over and over then says she messed up and starts over again and again.])

She gets in tears and gets frustrated that she can't do it right. I don't know what to say or so. Everything I have done back fires and makes it worse.

Sorry for the book.

I will go. Thanks for the info.

I don't know if you know but she has multiple diagnoses. ADHD Combined, OCD, ODD, Anxiety-Nos, and Sensory Issues and Nocturnal Enuresis. She is 8 1/2 years old and not medicated.

[Pocketpie in reply to 5Flyingeagle]

I did see her diagnoses, and I can only speak toward OCD and anxiety. The book that helped me most was "Treatment of Obsessive and Compulsive Behaviors Master Work" by Leon Salzman. Keep researching and keep going to therapy treatments. Things can improve with consistent treatment and an Authoritative parenting style (not Authoritarian or Permissive). I would also recommend parenting classes. I learn something new every day! Good luck, my friend.

[5Flyingeagle in reply to Pocketpie]

Thank you

[mjcll41]

Seems to have elements of Schizophrenia too. I assume she is seeing a therapist who diagnosed her with all the other things?

[5Flyingeagle in reply to mjcll41]

No, she isn't. A Developmental Pediatrician diagnosed her.

[mjcll41]

I was OCD about germs until I "flooded" and licked a floor. I didn't die; so I learned that I don't need to be afraid of germs. ...one down, 100 more to go.

[5Flyingeagle in reply to mjcll41]

Good for you!! Way to go!

[Karalin]

OCD can be like a voice or a bully who tells you have to this or you know you’ll bad luck or really all these that you take seriously. You know that won’t happen but it’s like this person controls you and forces you to do it. For me this bully laughs at me when I do it and I get so mad at him. He’s horrible, he is not exactly a person. Think of it as a scene from tv where two voices the good and bad one are on your shoulder. When OCD strikes the good one is nowhere to be found and so the bad one wreaks havoc,

[avoidingthebadthings]

Your daughter is trying to do things in a particular ritualistic order that the OCD is telling her brain will keep her safe. I tried to follow the OCD "voice" too when I was little. It's extremely stressful because, as a kid, I had no idea what was happening--only that something even worse would happen if I didn't do things "perfectly." I had horrible headaches and tantrums because I was so terrified and scared when a little thing would go "wrong" and it seemed like the world would end. I couldn't express any of this because I knew it didn't make sense.

Also, my parents would ignore me when I started crying and give me the silent treatment (or lock me in my bedroom if we were home) until I calmed down. I would not recommend this technique. Every child is different, and it's really important that your daughter is able to find a therapist whom she trusts enough to open up with. None of this is your fault and you can help your daughter and yourself most by giving her someone else who is qualified to help her.

It's really important that your daughter and you and your whole family see therapists. First your daughter, and hopefully that psychiatrist can help you learn not to blame yourself. Then, once things are a bit more calm with your daughter (nothing helped me until I started anxiety meds and SSRIs), work on finding a family therapist to talk about the dynamics at play. You're being scapegoated and gaslit by the rest of the family, which is a very toxic situation.

Your daughter's OCD, even if it's partially genetic, will be aggravated if she senses that there's lots of tension at home. Her brain is trying to keep her safe, but every increased stressor around her makes things worse. If there's a quiet relative's house that she could go to stay at for awhile, I would recommend that. Maybe a grandmother or aunt that she is calmer around? Being in a home with fewer people and fewer stressors can really help the OCD brain when things are out of control. A really good child psychiatrist may also suggest a medical leave of absence from school for her during this period of time. School is sometimes sensory overkill and there's nothing she won't be able to catch up on when her mind is calmer and clearer.

I wish you all the best. Things will get better. You're in the middle of the tornado right now, so it's looking like a mess. Things will begin to get worked out. Your daughter is lucky that you care about her.

[AhsokaGump]

I was your daughter several years ago and I had similar compulsions and behaviour as she is having. My parents were worried as well, but don't worry as she gets older she will be able to cope with it more, when you have OCD "your compulsions come first" sadly and than you feel like you can get on with your other tasks. I can also reccomend ERP and writing my thoughts and compulsions down these helped me a lot.