i am not diagnosed w ocd but i am almost certain i have it . My brain is telling me i did HORRIBLE DISGUSTING AND UNFORGIVABLE things in the past like itll take a memory where i knew EXACTLY what i was doing and tell me i was doing something else which is unforgivable. This is impacting everything i do it makes me think i dont deserve anything. Whenever my bsf asks me stuff like well why do you think that i have no other answer than my brain told me i did. Additionally , my brain tells me i did the disgusting things before i even fully understood what they were i am so tired of this and what if its not an intrusive thought nor OCD? what if i am just a disgusting monster?
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This sounds like classic false memory OCD to me. I have struggled with similar themes. One of my OCD’s favorite things to do is make me doubt that it’s even OCD, and it sounds like you’re struggling with the same thing. Take a deep breath, you are not alone. Make some tea and put on a show you like, and try to relax and treat yourself with kindness. OCD will make you believe that you don’t deserve good things- give them to yourself anyway. Do it out of spite, if you have to. Do the opposite of what your OCD wants you to do.
Something that my old therapist told me was that, if your brain is going to decide you’re a bad person anyway, you might as well do what a bad person would do and stop caring whether or not you deserve to be happy. It sounds absurd, but on days when i felt extremely disgusting, one of the only things that could make it even relatively manageable would be to put on this ridiculous mental disney villain persona and pretend that i didn’t care.
i wish you the absolute best. please be kind to yourself !!
That is a great tip your therapist told you I totally understand and agree with it . I too have False Memory OCD I remember my therapist telling me about it and it clicked this is the sub type I could really relate too , although I feel I have all ocd sub types or have experienced each at some stage ! It’s a tiring , cruel , upsetting , scary illness, I often wonder why me ? Why do I have to suffer this , I’m a better person than this, we all are better than ocd but I have learnt from the community on here we have to be kind to ourselves and try as hard as it might be at times, see what others who care and love us , see in us everyday , they see kind , sensitive people who find life and it’s past , present & future frightening - they don’t see what we think about ourselves , they see the real people we are not our distorted image of what we think we are ! try stay in the present if you can, it’s so hard at times but try , say a prayer it really does help I think and do as G0ldenwr0ught said , be that bad Disney villain if it means that you get relief and can live and seem not to care ! Stay in touch with the community on here, this is only the second time I have posted but this community even though I don’t know anyone here provides solace, to know that here you can learn more and know you are not alone and people are willing to listen and guide us to the right healthcare professionals and support tools, it really has helped me who has struggled so much but I have to keep going because I have one life and deserve to live it if not for me for those who love me . Take care 🌻
Hello. It is Ocd. Have you spoken to your doctor? They should be able to recommend a good therapist. You also need to be on medication I think. You are a good person. These ocd thoughts you are having would not bother you if you weren’t a good person. Reach out in this forum. We all understand.
hiya, sadly havent been able to as i have one more year until i am an adult then i can go to the doctor as the parental consent bit for the doctors is the problem, however i have been struggling with this for nine years so hopefully ill be able to hold out for another year, thank you though!
Yeah also it sounds like OCD to me. I agree full heartedly with the advice given in previous posts. Very similar to my intrusive thought obsession patterns. With the intence doubt and fear. That I did do something that I shouldn't have done or that this will happen in the future. Dout not fear not. Little different then classical OCD were you have external observable rituals. For me the ritual is thinking a thought with a sanario that has a positive outcome to calm the wory and dout to feel better. Sadly this cycle only last a short time because now you've associated that ritual with the obsession. You must do it every time that thought comes back to feel normal. With me when I do that over time the obsessions become more frequent and associates with other worrisome thoughts. Its been called the douting disease. In the midevil times society was more religious then now. And that's how it would manifest. People with OCD would try to be more religious to counteract the feeling that thy have seriously sinned. Called scrupulosity. In actuality the fact that you have so much guilt and disgust over thoughts that you didn't do. Shows your good character and kind heart. Better then most. Your mind is just trying to cope through a glitch. Don't get your self down. Nothing productive will come from it. Be of good cheer. Cognitive behavioral therapy has helped a ton in my life. To be more rational and critical of obsessive thoughts. And changing my behaviors in healthier ways. Also mindfulness meditation helped me. To be more present in the moment because that's what matters most. It is the only time we can make an action. Also you are probably not going crazy or psychotic. I've had a hard time with this one. I have convincing delusions but at the same time I know what is reality and what is false. I just feel the false thoughts are real. Understand that life is a complicated process. But as you try to challenge your obsessions. Thy will subside. I'm not a therapist but have learned these things from them. Seek out joy in healthy ways. Give your self credit for your determination and desire to overcome a very disabling mental disorder you may have. Give your self optimism. Be of good cheer. Things will be OK. I hope this helps. Stay lifted!!! 🤔😊🤟
That is classic OCD and it sucks! I'm sorry you have been going through this. I can say for sure that there is help and you can get in front of this. For now, I would share just a few nuggets of advice. First, this has nothing to do with your character or anything you have ever done. I don't know you, but the fact that you are worried about these things like you are, lets me know you have not done them. OCD works off of anxiety and fear. You can't just ignore it because it will keep getting louder. You need to acknowledge the thought and then put it where it belongs ... in the unreal thought bucket. I actually named my OCD thoughts to help separate them from who I am. I also say "that's not me, it's the OCD. When you can reduce the fear attached to the thoughts, the less powerfull the thoughts become. Glad that you are reaching out. This stuff can cripple you if you isolate and sit alone with the thoughts. As a thought comes in fear and anxiety increase, which produces more thoughts and the snowball keeps getting bigger. Have you identified any rituals that you do to lower the intensity of the thoughts?
Hello, I'm sorry you're struggling with this, I really am. I know how awful OCD can make you feel about the world and yourself. You are not a monster. You are a person whose body does not make enough enzymes for your brain. It is no different than a person whose body makes too much cholesterol or a diabetic whose body doesn't make enough insulin. It is a physical problem that affects your mood.
It sounds like you are having trouble seeing a doctor, but is there anyone else you can talk to? A teacher or another trusted adult? Things started to get better for me when I was just honest with my doctor. I told him what I was feeling and he prescribed some medicine to help. I also asked him if he could refer me to a therapist. It wasn't easy, and it took some time, but those steps really helped me.
It's also really important to find a therapist who specializes in OCD. They can help you learn the techniques needed to help you. I'll point you to a post I did a while ago that outlines what I've learned from dealing with OCD. Maybe it will help you as you start your journey.
From what I've learned in therapy, it's not about making the thoughts "go away". It's about being present with them and letting them "flow" through you. Over time your brain learns to be calm in those situations and not take them so seriously. I'm not saying I'm perfect at this, or that it's easy, but it is possible. It's also important not to fight the thoughts. I'll often agree with them (sarcastically). Something like, "Yep you're totally right about that." or "Yep maybe the worst thing I can think of will happen." The point is to not engage with them so much. People with OCD like to ruminate on these thoughts. We think if we can "solve" them then everything will be okay. My experience has been that this is not true and some other thought/theme will just take its place. I read somewhere that OCD isn't a "thinking" problem; it's a "feeling" problem. If we didn't have such a reaction to the thoughts they wouldn't bother us! That goes back to my original statement about this being a physical problem. It's not you; it's your OCD.
Also, remember that you're not weird, or broken, or alone. I know it can sometimes feel that way. There are literally millions of people out there who have the same issues as you and have learned to overcome it (this site is proof of that). There are also millions of people who want (and can) help you. All you need to do is ask.
Sorry if I rambled a bit. I truly hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. God bless you and keep you.
very sadly i cant get any proper help until i am 18, but i am currently 17 so not too long now. However i do have my bsf, who doesnt judge no matter how horrid the thoughts are and thats really helping, thank you for your kind words and advice!
I'm glad you have someone to talk to about this. That does help, however OCD does require a specialist to treat effectively. Our friends and family can sometimes enable us if we ask for reassurance or something like that (not saying your doing that). The treatment out there is so much better than when I was a kid and I don't want you to suffer if you don't need to. If you're having trouble with parental consent is there any other adult you could speak to? A grandparent, teacher, trusted family friend or something? Perhaps they could speak with your parents about this?
I know there is also help lines out there you could call. I have seen them as I've googled through OCD material If things really get bad you can also go to the emergency room or hospital. I just don't want you to think there are no options, when there are out there. There is help.
I am sorry you’re feeling that way. This sounds exactly like OCD. Many of us here have had the EXACT same thoughts and feelings. One thing to understand is that OCD is a liar. It takes what is most important to us and it lies. Doing any reassurance only makes it worse. One thing I’ve learned (and still work on) is that when OCD says these things, to externalization the loud noise as that green goopy guy from the mucinex commercials. And pretend I’m talking to him and say “okay ocd, whatever you say, guess that really did happen.” And try to move forward with whatever I have in front of me. I know it is SUPER hard. But the more you battle it, the louder it becomes. If you learn to just let it make noise and not give it emotion, it becomes quieter. Again, a lot easier said than done. I know because I can say all that, but yet I still have to work on it daily and I am going through my own battle with OCD currently.
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If things really get bad you can also go to the emergency room or hospital. I just don't want you to think there are no options, when there are out there. There is help.
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