my brain is torturing me with pocd/real event false memory ocd. (undiagnosed but i suspect as i cannot get help till 2025)
My brain will randomly find an event with a child and scream and guiltrip me into thinking i did somegbjng sickening, if this is the case i am a monster who deserves to die. the logical part of me knows its false but the uncertainty and the “what ifs” are torturing me. There will be concrete evidence, for example i know what i was doing at the time and my brain will still tell me i did something vile to a innocent child even though i would NEVER EVEN THINK OF HURTING A CHILD. i smile at a child at work and my brain freaks out. i have compulsions as well but other than mental reviews/ checks and rumination i wont go into that. I am so exhausted ive been dealing w the thought part of ocd for three years and the compulsion part for nine i dont know what to do anymore. i have told my bsf abiur the thoughts and she is non judgemental but asks questions like “why do you think you did that” and j have no response other than my brain told me i did. no ine else knows. any advice is HIGHLY appreciated and if anyone knows any ocd text chatlines/websites that would be majorly appreciated. my fear is yhat i hurt a child in my past even tho logically i know i didnt. but what if its not ocd and i am a vile horrid monster who deserves nothing but pain?
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First of all, take a deep breath. This is classic OCD. You are okay, you are safe. I struggle with similar obsessions. False memory OCD is particularly cruel- the way OCD can grip your mind and twist things while simultaneously making you believe that you don’t really have it is absolutely astonishing. You may not be able to control your thoughts or memories, but you can choose your actions. You can choose to be a good person, even if it’s merely out of spite to prove OCD wrong. Make yourself some tea and fall asleep to a film or show you love- mine is Pride and Prejudice. Please be kind to yourself. You did not choose this.
From what you described, you have a very common false memory/harm OCD. My advice is don't struggle alone, as there is lots of help out there. Best thing for you would be to get ERP therapy with a trained clinician.
If your OCD symptomatology is quite severe (typically diagnosed by Y-BOCS test), psychotherapist might recommend some pharmaceutical supplements to help along with ERP therapy. Most of us OCDers can recover, it is a very treatable mental condition. ERP would give you the tools to deal with OCD by yourself anytime it pops up again later on in your life. ERP therapy course often takes 3-6 months, with some patients a little longer.
What is important for you to know, OCD is an ego-dystonic disorder which means those "intrusive thoughts" play against your truest self, they attack things that we value and love most. That's why it feels so scary. If your OCD comes with intrusive obsessive thoughts about kids, basically it means you really love kids. I could bet all my wealth that you will never act out on these thoughts.
We are not our thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts, they don't matter. If you sat down with closed eyes for some time, do some meditation, you'd soon realise most of the thoughts, if not all, are pretty much automatic. Most of the people have intrusive, strange, even crazy thoughts from time to time. The only difference between us OCDers and "normal" folks is the way how we react to such thoughts. People without OCD usually just smile or think "oh that was a stupid thought" and let it go easily without over thinking it.
And finally, please learn to love yourself. That can take some time. But that's the most important lesson healing journey gave me.
We OCDers are usually very hard on ourselves, this disorder along with childhood or later life traumas caused us to have an unhealthy, neurotic ego structure. Beautiful thing about human brain is that it can be retrained and most of us can really heal. Good luck
I don’t know how old are you The Brain Mind is Capable of Turninv out millions of thoughts A week Well How many of your thoughts do you carry out ? The mind is like water like pond of Stagnant water toxins Etc All your thoughts Accumulate Go somewhere to break the thought pattern its important to keep hydrated or listen to some music that taj Rd gif mind somewhere and lose your self in it or Read s a Colourful magazine or read a paper do sudoku of crossword or is to distract your attention by snapping your fingers or snapping s rubber band worn on your wrist!
Distraction, thought stopping, snapping a rubber band on your wrist to reduce or eliminate obsessive OCD thoughts are not recommended by OCD specialists because they reinforce the obsessive thoughts which feeds the OCD cycle.
Thoughts are just thoughts It becomes Distressing when they become disorganised like with me it’s like that at the moment in the past much older people/ Dr s advised distraction You only fuel Your thoughts if you try to suppress them Meditation is worth trying it takes time
I had a very Foolish Dad he had ocd he was like Fire hot and bothered for everything theirs s Reason he would only wash oh certain dates that came a few times year ocd many forms I told my dad we repeat things cos of fear and anxiety he just looked at the Penny Dropped 50 years too late! For his ocd he didn’t get Treatment Etc
Returning to the present sitting at home staring at the walls can only make it worse Whats the worst that’s gonna happen? Wheelchair bound blind etc
Don't try to reason with your OCD thoughts, you're sure to lose. Tell your brain that everything is possible, that is, it's also possible you didn't do any of the things your OCD thoughts are accusing you of. It's not easy to open your mind to the opposite possibilities while in an OCD peak, but, if you manage to do it, you may notice a slow but steady change in your attitude towards OCD thoughts. It's at least my experience.
The intrusive thoughts you have with OCD are ego dystonic, meaning that they disgusting, repulsive thoughts that are not line with your morals and values. The whole goal of OCD is to make you do more compulsions, whether they are mental or physical. I can't speak for your personal OCD experience. Everyone's is different. For example, mine is harm OCD. I'm afraid of hurting people. Every day my brain will tell me I might want to kill someone. I don't, but it tells me I do. This is because, yet again, the thoughts are ego dystonic. I don't like hurting things, and because of this my brain tells me whatever it needs to in order to make me do compulsions. That must've been the optimal choice I guess. Same thing with your brain. You seem to be deeply afraid of pedophilia. This means that you have a good moral perception about this topic. You're brain is conjuring up false memories of you performing pedophilic acts in order to get you to do more compulsions. The simple truth is you are the opposite of your OCD. Also, when you said, "...what if it's not OCD?" My brain says the same exact thing to me. It's part of the experience. I would recommend seeing a therapist, but you said you can't get help until 2025. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. I've dealt with undiagnosed OCD for about a year, and that alone felt like an unending nightmare. It will get better in time.
Charles 11 many people have told me they get the same thought s as you bit you don’t actually carry them out do you ? Unlike meglamaniacs Etf just google Don’t be weak minded then you have to cope Eventually you’ll forget and save i on your mobile/ iPad it or write it down so you can see it whdn I first go g ocd I got similar thoughts if everyone told a Psychiatrist what they think than almost everyone would be Sectioned under the mental health!
Having OCD is exhausting, isn't it? There are already lots of good replies to your question so I won't add much to them, apart from to say that there is such a thing as do-it-yourself therapy while you're waiting for professional treatment.
There are some great books on OCD - make sure that any self help book you choose uses CBT or cognitive behavioural therapy techniques. I always suggest The OCD Workbook and Overcoming Obsessive Compulsive Disorder because they have helped me.
They have questionnaires in the back which you can do to diagnose yourself - they are the ones used by professionals. Or they can be accessed online. Google Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale or YBOCS. Another book that might help you is Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M Winston and Martin N Self.
There are lots of things you can do while waiting for professional help. Most people have random thoughts that just float in and out of their minds. Some of these thoughts are weird, mischievous or downright unpleasant.
It's just that OCD makes these thoughts 'sticky' - instead of floating straight out again, they stick in our minds, and the more we question them and interrogate them and revolve them in our heads, the more they stay around.
The trick is to acknowledge them, and then ignore them. Then they go away of their own accord. It's as though they can't manage without the attention! It takes practice and don't think you've failed if you haven't managed to do this. Each attempt is another little victory in the fight.
Why are some possibilities more distressing than others? It’s possible that a meteorite falls on your house, but that possibility is probably ranking low on your list of concerns because it’s not too difficult to ignore. However, the possibility that you may have hurt someone is the top of your worries because you find it too difficult not to pay attention to it. You wrongly interpret that difficulty as a proof that there must be some truth to it. What about if you get used to that possibility and, with the passing of time, don’t find it too difficult to think like an OCD-free person would? Would that change your opinion about the credibility of your OCD thoughts? If you think that the only obstacle that stands between you and an OCD-free life (there is nothing else) is the difficulty to be OCD-free, your mind would be more at ease. That difficulty varies depending on the individuals, their past experiences, the present situation and the progress they make on the road to recovery.
its awful had the same thing. i would not try to know if its real or not you will never know just figure out why you are getting that though. mine was triggered when someone called me a podophile for loving a 19 year old. did someone call you a podophile recently. if yes accept they were idiots and that they are chatting shit.
Hi guys im reading through this again and thought id give a small update a year on: im doing so much better that was the worst flare up i ever had but i now have ways to stop the flare ups before they get to this point again! i got doctors appointment and am looking down the private route to diagnosis! yeah so it got better despite me saying it never would, just a small update!
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