Early menopause

Hi, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 2 years, we had a miscarriage 12 years ago at the start of our relationship. Thought we were doing the right thing to enjoy our twenties, find the perfect family house, get married then try to start our family. Stupidly I thought we'd fall pregnant right after we started trying especially since years before I fell pregnant when we were not trying to conceive.

When I first came off the pill my period seemed ok for 2 months then stopped for 6 months, at that time I experienced a stabbing pain on my left side, during investigations they found I had a endometriosis cyst but they were not concerned, my periods did come back but were abit irregular varying from 21 days to 35 days a cycle but we were to continue trying and they monitored the cyst over the 2 years.

2 years in and have both just completed fertility testing with results we were not expecting. My husband sperm mobility percentage was lower than average and my blood tests showed high levels of fsh, my ovaries are not working although I've been having "periods" I'm not releasing eggs I'm going through early menopause.

I'm still finding this extremely hard to process. I just feel empty inside that everything we ever wanted has been taking from us and can't see how we will get through it. I feel so angry at life, at myself for wasting the last 12 years trying to make sure we were ready to support a family and now this. We have to wait until January to find out our options, my husband is keen to look at adoption but at this time I'm not mentally ready. I feel the same about IVF as I don't know if I'll have any eggs of my own and if donors are our only option it makes more sense to adopt.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this post my fertility nurse recommended I contact this website and I've been reading different posts/watching online blogs I'm searching for something but I dunno what.

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Hi, Your story sounds so familiar. I too am going through early menopause and can relate to a lot of what you have said. Although it doesn't change anything, I just wanted to say you are not on your own.

We've had 5 unsuccessful IVF cycles and have decided both donor treatment and adoption are not right for us. We reached the decision to stop treatment a year ago. Still feel in limbo and like we are waiting for the next stage of our lives.

Its easy to question your choices about waiting to try until you were ready, I have done the same myself. We wanted to get on the property ladder and save before getting married and trying for a baby. I have friends who have fallen pregnant by accident having not even wanted a family and it is so hard. Life is so unfair.

It helps me to know I'm not alone. Finding out I was going into early menopause before the age of 30 was very scary and I felt so alone. Not only are we dealing with the effects it has on having a family but also the hormone changes and all that menopause will throw at us.

Think we are all searching for something but not quite sure what. You will have good days and bad days whilst trying to work out what to do next and deciding on a way forward. All you can do is what feels right for you both at this time. X

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Thank you for your reply and for sharing your story, truly sorry to hear what you are going through.

After getting our results I read so many blogs and articles online, it was a shock to discover how many woman start menopause in their twenties and thirties.

I have found some comfort reading other people's experiences and emotions, feeling that I'm not alone as we are all going through a similar heartbreaking journey.

Sending you love, take care Blue_penguin ❤ x