How do I process facing childlessness

Hi there, 5 years ago my husband and I began trying for a family. after trying for 2 years and having fertility treatment, I was diagnosed with a neuro condition and my tablets and severity of my condition meant we had to put trying on hold. Last April I had brain surgery and now am told the tablets I need to be on for life since my surgery would mean it would be unsafe for me and for the baby. I find out for definite in May if there is no alternative medication that is safe but they said highly unlikely. I feel like these last 5 years have been a blur and we are in so much pain and have no idea how to face the days ahead. Any advice?

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6 Replies

  • Hi there

    I can't possibly imagine what both you and your husband have gone through over the last few years coping with fertility treatment and what you have personally gone through 💕

    My husband and I have been trying for 10 years and had 2 BFN ICSI cycles. We were told a couple of weeks ago we would not be able to conceive without a DE so we've done a lot of soul searching since.

    We start counciling tomorrow and not sure if this is something you have considered but it might help to talk to someone. That's what I'm hoping for for us as it's definitely a grieving process and talking to other kind people on this forum has also helped to know that you are not alone.

    I really hope you get positive news in May and in the meantime be kind to yourself 💐

  • Thankyou so much. I really hope counselling helps you both through such a challenging time. Thankyou for your advice. Your kindness and lovely words brightened my day. Sending my love to you both and praying for every blessing for your future❤ x

  • Sorry to hear of the journey you have taken and the hardships and sadness you have faced. Unfortunately we don't always get the happy ending that we want but I hope something is possible for you in the future. My husband and I can not have children and I have found the biggest help to be through support forums on facebook. There are different groups for those still ttc and others who are trying to accept they will never be parents. I would really reccommend this form of support as you'll be amazed at how many people are facing the same if not similar struggles and can be there through your journey. Despite how you may feel at times, you are not alone x

  • So sorry to hear of your double whammy! What a dreadful situation for you. I agree with the other comments about the use of forums and counselling. I don't know which area you are in, but there should also be a professional health psychologist available through your neuro team. They specialising mental issues related to physical health. I hope you get some good news soon, perhaps that there is an option with the medication, good luck?

  • Sorry that was supposed to be xx not a question mark, that's nightshifts for you xx

  • I second counselling, I've found it useful too and also, just being on here (I just joined) has offered me a lot of comfort.

    Also recently I downloaded the book 'The Next Happy' by Tracy Cleantis (i think someone else recommended it in this group actually) and this has been the most useful book that I've found so far in regards to facing and accepting infertility (I find some of the others I've found that are very memoir-led are very sad and they send me into a bit of a downward spiral of fear about the future because I don't want to live my life perpetually sad and despairing, I want to believe I will move past this) ... however this book is focusing on how to 'kill' a dream that might not happen, and how to grieve for it and ultimately to move forward in a healthy way. I'm only halfway through but I have found it useful in that it speaks a lot of rational truth to the situation many of us are in, where we try and try and try but never prevail, and reminds us that it is OK, when we are ready, to decide to stop.

    I know that this is a tiny thing, just a book and might not really help you completely cope at the moment. But I have found some hope in it.

    Good luck!

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