Hi, I've just joined. I'm struggling I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis 13 years ago. I had years of operations that caused serious complications to my long term health. 2 miscarriages, the end of relationships with the strain. 2 failed ivf courses and to be told I'm going through an early menopause with no chance of conceiving a child myself. My best friend became pregnant the week my last ivf failed. I've listed to her moan about morning sickness, back pain and hating her pregnancy. I've met her and other friends for meals only for the entire evening to consist of talk about babies and kids. I have nothing to add to the conversation and feel I no longer fit in with these people I once shared so much with. My pregnant friend informed me that she thought I should have a hysterectomy and adopt a few days after my fertility doctor told me I had no hope of being a biological mother. I was faced with attending the baby shower last weekend and for weeks I thought about how best to get out of going. It was our mutual friend organising it. I guess I'd have hoped my friend would have called and said your welcome to come but I fully understand if you can't face it. Instead I worried a lot about what to do... Should I just say I can't face it? Should I say I'm ill? Would it be best to try and go. When I'm in a room with all these woman talking about babies I feel like I'm being punched in the gut. I feel guilty for feeling this way. In the end I called my friend and advised that I had a virus. She was quite miffed at me for not going. Days later I still feel awful that I'd let her down. I also hate myself for feeling so upset around other people's happy news. I wish I could feel differently. It feels raw and I can only explain it to the feeling I had grieving for a family members death. Will these feelings last forever? Will I ever get my friendships back? Sorry for the long message.