Hi, I am new to the site. Just joined today and we have had 3 ivf failures self funded! And tried other things as well. Last ivf we found out on valentines day had failed. And more than 3 years later of trying naturally and everything else, and due to my age getting on, we have been given 10% chance of success with more ivf but it is too expensive for that and too traumatic to keep going through. I barely get any eggs every time. The second time I got 4 eggs surprisingly but then none fertilised so we had to have icsi this last round. My head says it's time to stop but my heart is still catching up. I am struggling to find meaning in life. I've been through tough times before. I just feel so sad and it is tough finding people who truly understand. Most friends have kids and do not really understand. We are also struggling with the idea of adoption. Even though family all say they will support us and mean well by it, they just don't un derstand truly how we are feeling. Still I am grateful they support us where they can. It's nice to read others feeling the same and to feel like it's normal to be struggling. I usually love spring and the spring flowers blooming. This year I am just sad and just can't seem to care. I had too many dreams and images of family times I the garden. My husband is keeping the house and garden together at moment. I just wish I could move on. Guess it just takes time. And I just am struggling to understand why it has to be us, and how we are going to find meaning in our lives. Out whole lives stopped last year. We couldn't make any decisions as we wanted all our decisions to revolve around positive pregnancy. Now we are just trying to get back into some sports and hobbies. Sometimes it is really tough to go out and see friends. It can be so lonely sometimes. But I am certain life can be great without kids, it is tough to see it right now though .. my head says that but my heart is struggling.