This is my first post here after discovering that our 3rd and final (due to my age - 39 and finances, as we have had to self fund) IVF cycle was unsuccessful last week. In a sense I feel some relief that we haven't got to go through the process again but am at a bit of a loss as to how to start processing the fact that we now have a childless future ahead of us. At the moment if someone asked how I felt about our situation, my answer is that I'm not sure how I feel! Surely I should feel something after 5 years of infertility, 2 miscarriages and 3 failed IVF's! I don't think my situation is helped by the fact that I work in ultrasound and spend 80% of my week performing pregnancy scans. I had 2 days off work over the test result last week, but have been back to work since. I wonder the fact that I feel like I have to 'zone out' at work and put a barrier up to psychologically and emotionally get through my day is just numbing my feelings to our situation overall. The only good thing with my job is that I am aware that not all pregnancies go to plan and I can comfort myself in knowing that our treatment didn't work because something was not right.
My husband has been a massive support throughout, but is now struggling with the finality of this last result and has been signed off work for a month, as was feeling angry and numb at work.
We have a counselling session provided by our IVF package which is arranged in a few days time, but at the moment the only way I seem to be coping is trying to arrange future holidays, getting life back to a normal routine (work, gym etc) and supporting my husband (who is a classic non-talker!) I am worried that I am not actually dealing with the huge life changing decision that we have just been dealt and where do I start to deal with this 'properly'???
Many thanks for taking the time to read and listen to me rant. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.