Decision time advice much needed please

[CheshireKit]

Hello all

I’m new to this site and really hoping for some advice deciding and accepting being childless.

To get to this point we’ve been through a 6 year journey trying and failing to conceive through IVF including using DE. I don’t want to drag up any bad TTC memories for anyone but we’re facing big decision time and I really don’t know where else to turn. Fertility Network is too upsetting to read as it feels the members on there are in such a different place to us.

We have 3 embies in the freezer and I had thought we’d try one last time with one of them, but my OH is reluctant and I’ll be 46 this year so concerned I’m too old to start raising a child now - I’d be drawing my pension whilst they’re still in college!

After all the emotional heartbreak, not to mention expense, of the journey so far, I’m trying to get my head around whether I can accept and be happy being childless.

All I ever wanted was to have children but sadly it just hasn’t happened for us. I guess we’ve effectively already been living childless all these years, going on holidays in term time and being able to do things at a moments notice lots of our friends with children can’t, but this would be conscious decision not to have children which I’m feeling overwhelmed by.

Does anyone have any stories you could please share about you made such a decision or how you’ve accepted and embraced being childless?

Thanks so much in advance xx

[72cloud9]

Hi Cheshirekit, I remember seeing your name on fertility network-ive been keeping my distance a little to, just the odd glance now and then to see news of familiar names. So sorry you find yourself at this crossroads.I’m 47,and my partner doesn’t want to try any more & I had thought we were going to go the donor egg route so it’s v frustrating for me for the last 2 years to know there was another option that we could try. I’ve found some comfort from a lady I met who does podcasts talking to lots of different people about their stories and it is weirdly reassuring.not sure where u r based but she organised group meet ups and one to one coaching for a life without children and believe me she’s been thru the ringer on her journey so she is doing it from personal experience.ill pm u her website and podcast stuff as not sure I’m allowed to name stuff on here. I’m not quite there yet personally in coming to peace with it all but if u ever want to chat or vent, happy to do so x

[CheshireKit in reply to 72cloud9]

Ahh thanks @72cloud9, sorry to hear you’re in a similar place in coming to terms with things. The podcast sounds really useful thanks, I’ll check it out. I’m also here if you need a friendly ear. I’ve found the hardest thing lately is not being able to talk about what’s going on in my head as my friends cant relate to this situation as they’ve all got kids and had them years ago and I’m feeling a time pressure of now or never and if it’s never will I regret it down the line. Keep in touch xx

[heather-moretolife in reply to 72cloud9]

Hi Cheshirekit

I am the MTL Coordinator and can see that our wonderful fertility nurse Diane has responded already to let you know how to access support on our website. Please do contact me at [e-mail] if you would like to ask anything or discuss further. Take care x

Heather.

[CheshireKit in reply to heather-moretolife]

Many thanks Heather x

[heather-moretolife in reply to CheshireKit]

Hi - It's me again CheshireKit - don't forget that we have a network of volunteers that we can link you up to talk to on the phone. We also have webinars that are free to log on to. Drop me an email if you, or anyone else who is reading this, would like further information: [e-mail]

Warmest wishes

Heather.

[DianeArnold Partner Nurse More To Life]

Hi CheshireKit. If you go to our website fertilitynetworkuk.org and click on “How can we help you” at the bottom of the screen. Go to “For those facing the challenges of childlessness”. You then click on “Support” – then “Our Volunteers”. Hopefully there will be one in your area.

There is always the opportunity of counselling via your GP. However, there is a charity called the “British Infertility Counselling Association” they can be accessed at bica.net it’s not free, but they are experienced in fertility issues and also moving on if you should become childless. I do hope that you can find the support you are looking for. You could also contact our MoreTo Life Co-ordinator, Heather Whiffen and see how she can help you too. Hope you soon find the support you’re looking for. Diane

[CheshireKit in reply to DianeArnold]

Many thanks Diane, much appreciated