Hello All and I'm sorry that we all find ourselves here.
After years of trying to fall pregnant naturally, then 4 rounds of failed IVF, I am quite clear in my head that my husband and I are unable to conceive and will not have biological children. However, I find myself in the same predicament each and every month... Could I be pregnant? I've been here month after month for years now and, even after everything that we've been through, I can't seem to shake that hope!
Has anyone got any top tips on how to move past this? I'm so tired of this monthly head/heart wrecker... I find the grief surrounding this whole thing to be so hard and feel like if I can kick the hope out of me, things might be easier?
Any thoughts and advice would be very much appreciated! Sending love and best wishes to you all x
Written by
Oleria24
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I’m afraid I don’t have any advice but you have mirrored my thoughts exactly - me and my husband have decided IVF is not for us and are planning to adopt but I can’t give up the idea that I won’t have biological children. I am hoping to find this help too. I have sought advice from local talking therapies and they just tell me to consult adoption charities......
I’m hoping that this forum may get me some of the way I need.
I'm on the same boat, we have been trying for years 11 ivf 3 misscarrges.
We are thinking about adoption but it's so hard. I feel so lost, sad, angry, don't know what to do...
me too! I feel exactly the same 5 years TTC, 3 natural MC, 1 IVF MC, 3 other failed rounds of IVF and I am about to start my 5th and probably final IVF round as I am 43 and my OH is 49. He doesnt want to use donor eggs and doesn't want to adopt and thinks we have a great life even if we don't have children.
I on the other hand can't give up. I know when I am ovulating, every month I convince myself I could be pregnant, and I literally cannot get my head around the thought that we will be childless. What did I do to deserve it? and there must be a MASSIVE mistake because I am not the one this is supposed to happen to.. I have wanted to be a mum since I was about 18.. that was my one life goal, surely its all be a misunderstanding and suddenly its all going to work.. it just never does.
I am exhausted by everyone elses babies, all the photos, all the happy posts on social media, even exhausted by the 'its so tough to be a mum' posts.. I dont know I have the energy to be thrilled for anyone else on the birth of their baby, its so draining.
People say they've stopped trying and then it happens, but how do you do that when you know your body so well? I am fully aware of every single twinge these days and even know what they all could mean.
I have tried counselling and that doesnt seem to work so I dont really know what the next step is. I am sorry this doesnt help you but you are very definitely not alone xx
We all are on the same boat and feel exactly the same Sometimes I think something is wrong with me, I'm over doing it then feel helpless.
I think we all should do a zoom chat together that would be so comfortable. I feel like nobody understands me and everyone is fed up with my negativity.
...the hope does fade with time. It is the sadness and the reality of childlessness that you need to deal with after that. It eases and the good times start to outweigh the bad but it is hard. It is unfair. It hurts but life goes on. My advice is to avoid things/people that cause you emotional pain. Looking back I cannot believe I put myself through the pain of meeting up with pregnant friends/friends with newborns. Don't do it. Seek out things that make you happy. The natural world is a great healer. Be kind to yourself. Make your life good - you only get his one chance at it and we will all be dust soon enough. With or without children - your life can be a good one - do it right, it can be a great one. You'll make it through x
Hi Oleria24, first of all I am sorry that you have been and are continuing to go through such a tough time... I feel your pain.
Having accepted that we wouldn't be able to have our own children as I approached 40 following 6 cycles of clomid, 3 rounds of iui and 2 rounds of ivf which resulted in one early miscarriage and a BFN I decided to have the contraceptive implant fitted nearly 2 years ago now. It might sound strange but I had to take away even the tiniest chance that I might fall pregnant naturally - it stopped me obsessing about when I might be ovulating or wondering if my period was late. After 5 years of having sex to make a baby it took the pressure off of our love life too and allowed us to just have fun again! It wasn't easy and I did end up on antidepressants and also saw a therapist who helped me to fully accept our decision and I can now say, hand on heart, that I have been able to move on.
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