New to this...

[Chris22]

...I'm a very shy guy normally and I have trouble opening up. I give off a hard exterior however as my story says, it is just a front.

I've suffered with depression since I was 16. Even before then I was always a sensitive child, lacking in confidence, who always saw the glass as half empty and never half full. I'm now 22 and I feel like I'm at my lowest point. I am constantly down and I feel like i'm going nowhere...personally or professionally.

I've never had a wide circle of friends, but those I have are very special to me. But I'm always uneasy on nights out, I find it difficult to relax and enjoy myself. As a consequence I don't go out with friends as often as I should. OR if I do, I have to try and make sure they do things I want to do. I'm always afraid to go outside of my comfort zone.

I'm openly gay and I am very comfortable with my sexuality. However I've found that my relationships fail very quickly. The guys I usually go for are wrong for me but I feel as though my personality fails me.

Professionally, I'm stuck in a rubbish job. Earning reasonable money but not getting any particular thrill from it. Its not particularly challenging either. But with the tough economic climate I worry that leaving my job would be risky. I have enrolled to do a Masters but even then I feel like my problems will remain with me. It acts as a temporary distraction.

To summarize, I basically feel like a failure. Personally and professionally. I feel I lack a purpose in life. No matter what I do, nothing ever seems to work out for the better. It feels as though I have a dark cloud hanging over me, and no matter what I do or go, this cloud seems to hover over me.

I came on this site because I wanted to open up but also read about the stories of others and how they've dealt with depression and anxiety. I'm not expecting a miracle cure but maybe if people read my story they will provide me with some words of advice. I feel that hearing the words of those who have experienced the same problems that I have would prove very useful.

[Getting-By]

Hi

Thanks for sharing your story I can relate to what you have been going through as I also struggle in social situations due to having Aspergers Syndrome. Depression & anxiety can really take over your life and is a hard thing to get over but well done for coming here and opening up that is a positive step a problem shared and all that.

My advice would be that if you feel comfortable and able to go and speak with your GP regarding your anxiety & depression as there is a lot that can be done to help. For me therapy really helped me discover what was making me anxious and depressed and taught me coping techniques for when thing get bad. Something which I found very helpful was mindfulness look it up on the web.

You are not alone and we are here to listen and support you so do keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

[Chris22]

Thanks guys you both make a lot of sense

[LouisaMary]

Dear Chris,

I am sending you my best wishes......keep thinking positive, I am sure you are a success, perhaps you are too hard on yourself. Changing jobs can be stressful, I would say think carefully, its very tough out there..... Counselling could help you to think about your life. They say try not to make major changes if u r anxious / or depressed.

With relationships, a lot of people have similar feelings, you are young. so there is lots of hope for you to meet someone special and have a relationship that goes well. I really hope you feel better soon, remember, you a worthwhile person.......... Louisa.

[AOD01]

Hi,

I agree with trying the mindfulness technique or perhaps going to your GP. What I'm also wondering is if when your on your own you have an activity you enjoy? Perhaps exercise or reading? If you find a hobby you can enjoy without having to worry about the pressure in social situations it may help to improve your mood and give you a more positive outlook on trying to change your negative thoughts and feelings regarding going out with friends, relationships and your professional life.

The important thing to remember is that while the economy isn't great just now your still very young and there is plenty of time to look about for something else while still keeping your job you have just now. Well done enrolling for a Masters and already taking a step towards changing how unhappy you feel in professional life.

I would say consider counselling, it really is excellent.

Best of luck!

[Hidden]

Hi Chris, maybe you can get some help to improve your self-esteem and then go into a therapy group as that can really help with relationship difficulties. An alternative would be through the organesation Relate as they deal with relationship difficulties and as far as I know you don't have to have a partner to take with you (though that might have changed since I knew about them). Being sensitive can make life a lot more painful but it is also the basis for having more to offer to others and you may find that with time sensitivity is one of your greatest atributes. I used to apologise all the time for things I said because I felt so vulnerable, but then discovered that they valued me because they feel I give of myself. You can go that too, as you proved when you wrote on the website. Good luck!

[Hidden]

Hi Chris,

I understand what you're going through. I was very reserved as a child, lacking in self-confidence. Like you, I never really felt comfortable in social situations and froze when I was placed in the 'spotlight'. I am 42 & have never had a successful relationship. They start off really well but it is only a matter of time before they hit the rocks. I seem to self-destruct in all aspects of my life. I have spent a lot of time analysing the last 20 years both professionally & relationship wise.

Where I've gone wrong professionally is to be stuck in a dead end job which I have no passion for. The years pass by so quickly and before you know it you're in your forties. I know it's easier said than done, especially in this economic climate, but it goes without saying that you'll feel a lot better generally if you do something work-wise that makes you happy & want to get out of bed in the morning. After being stuck in dead end (soul destroying!!) jobs since the age of 17, I recently bit the bullet and started my own business, doing something I'm passionate about. I still suffer from the depression but hopefully I've made a step, professionally, in the right direction. Ask yourself what you enjoy doing. What makes you tick. You're still very young. You have lots of time on your side.

Relationship wise I look back & see that I jumped into relationships too quickly. My lack of self-esteem & insecurity to blame perhaps. Always felt I had to have a relationship on the go to feel better about myself. These partners never really understood me and my dark moods. My fault perhaps as I tried to conceal the inner turmoil most of the time. Perhaps if I have been more honest with myself & indeed these partners. Or, perhaps if I had sought out a relationship with someone who truly understood my issues or who perhaps had personal experience.

There is no magic cure but I think talking about how you feel is important. make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred for therapy. I wish I'd done so 20 years ago.

Take care x