I'm new here, need advice or to know if anyone feels the same as me!

Hi I'm new here and feel like I need help/advice on how I've been feeling for years.

I'm too embarrassed to go the GP, I've had appointments that I've cancelled because I feel stupid.

All my life I've always wondered why I get nervous speaking to people or why I've never felt like I'm good enough for anything, and I just thought that was my personality (which I hated and still do) so just thought id have to deal with it.

Now I'm older its got so much worse and within the past 2 years I find it hard to control my thoughts, I have horrible thoughts constantly about death etc but so graphic, and I don't want to think these things so I don't understand why my brain keeps pushing them into my mind even when I try to stop. It's like I have a little evil voice in my head that I can't stop. I also think I have some sort of OCD, where this voice in my head says you have to check this over and over or line things up in order (even in shops) otherwise you're going to die, but it can get so nasty that I do these things because I am scared if I don't then something bad will happen.

When it comes to anxiety, in recent jobs I've actually left because of the way I was feeling, getting nervous talking to people, I'd feel like I was about to have a panic attack sometimes and I'd feel out of breath and sweat so much, that I would take myself to somewhere quiet just to hide.

It's stopping me do so much because I'm too scared of the outcomes. I'm a worrier, and I always think the worst is going to happen in a situation, which will stop me from doing it, and then I hate myself for not doing anything. It's like I'm scared of everything, scared of what can happen, scared of life. I feel like my imagination takes over my life, but in a bad way.

I feel low a lot of the time too, which makes me feel lonely. Sometimes I'll just want to cry all day but feel like I can't explain why to anyone so I feel stupid which makes me hate myself even more. I hate being alone but then I hate being with people too so I can't win. When I talk to people sometimes it makes me stutter or in my mind I'm trying to think too hard about what to say, especially when it goes quiet, and then when I say something I feel like an idiot for saying it.

I could go on and on but I feel like this post is long already!

I thought maybe a forum would help to get everything out as I'm too embarrassed to go to my GP

x

20 Replies

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  • Hi I’m just new here too and your post is the first one I’ve seen, please go to your gp don’t feel stupid, believe me they have heard it all, I had similar to you with the worrying about everything lack of confidence and scary thoughts, it is more common than you think, and I just want to say well done for taking the first step and talking about how you feel, that is sometimes the hardest part of recovery well done you xx

  • thank you, it does make me feel better getting it off my chest, and knowing I'm not the only one that feels this way, thank you so much for your reply xx

  • You are very welcome, it’s no wonder you are feeling so low having to carry around all those worries and thoughts every day, don’t be hard on yourself the world is made up of lots of different people and you are just as valid, It definetly sounds like you are experiencing ‘pure o ‘ go to ocd uk website they have loads of info that can help to put your mind at rest, take care and don’t be hard on yourself, I done that for years and it was only when I plucked up the courage to speak about that I have been able to deal with things better xx

  • I know, sometimes I just wish there was a way to switch my thoughts off because they drive me mad, I definitely want to change the way I feel though as it just takes over your life so I'm glad ive taken the first step. I will have a look at that website too, thank you again for your help, it means a lot honestly, and to hear from someone who understands how I feel too

    :) xx

  • When I first started feeling like that the stigma of mental health was still strong but thankfully it’s getting easier to talk about these things now, it took me 7 years to open up about the thoughts I was having and no one really knew how to deal with it but the support is great now, I recommend also if you like to read a book called anxiety for beginners it’s well worth a look at it x

  • how did you first get help? was it through your gp? Aw great thanks, i'll definitely have a look at that, anything that helps xx

  • I went to my gp who referred me to community psychiatric team and then onto psychiatrist who to be honest didn’t really help, but then the gp referred me to psychologist, and she was brilliant and gave me loads of coping techniques which was better for me , now Im doing a 4 week course through samh to give me tools for coping I I also take a lot of time to relax and don’t put myself in stressful situations or let people pressure me into things, it’s all about being kind to yourself and not being hard on yourself, life is crap enough without heaping extra pressure on yourself, the best advice I can give you is don’t be fobbed of keep asking for the help you need take someone with you to the doctors if you are able to and good luck with your recovery xx

  • Had mental health accesment sent me social services sent back to mental health 10times still desperate to get help I been on mental health yrs numerous hospitals I'm to frightened to live like this how did u get help pleas

  • Hi faithfull

    Groups like this help immensely also there are lots of online help ocd uk,,anxiety no more and lots of different apps to help you try and focus and relax, when I first started having mental health issues there wasn’t anything like smartphones etc and internet was just becoming available and these are a great tool help you. Do you have any hobbies, I do a lot of crafting and that helps to keep me also even joining a gym if you can or taking dogs for walks , I’m sure some of the online support groups can also help point you in the right direction

    Take care and be kind to yourself, you are not alone xx

  • Can't do a lot last 4years been so physicaly ill diagnosed with many serious life changing stuff, I'm having mental block I can't stay on here I talk later

  • Oh forgot to tell you I have adult ADHD and PTSD so basically I'm trapped in me body while me minds racing about ten thousand things . Then it goes blank sometimes that's weird for me but at least for a minute I have a rest from me self.lol I thought I'd try make u laugh but it's all true .

  • Definitely going to see your GP is the first step. Then you can be referred to mental health team for specialist support, counsellor can suggest tips for managing panic attacks breathing techniques, show you how to get things imperatives. If you can't get this on nhs, you can find private counsellors. Possibly CBT, or psychotherapy or maybe medication ( be aware of side effects).

    You know you want help, so keep reaching out. Wish you well x

  • Thank you for your reply, I think I'm going to just pick up the courage and call my gp, being on here has really helped too :) x

  • Think it would help seeing your gp .But one thing I no is it sounded like me we ain't stupid and I stutter bad on phone and also come out with ridiculous thing that I only understand and laugh .after the laughing comes the crying I have ADHD and PTSD and a lot more you are brave coming on here as like me terrified. So well done.

  • Thank you for your reply I think I will eventually get the courage to call the gp to get it sorted. I hope things are ok with you aswell I can imagine it's a struggle, look after yourself x

  • No matter what I'm here to help you me and everyone and it gives me a reason to carry on as got no life no friends, don't feel like you have to go to doctors, in your own time .I can't answer phone or front door so I no what you mean . Keep in touch .

  • Hiya, please don't think you are alone or that there is something 'wrong' with you. Seeking help and assistance is the right thing to do, because none of us are able to deal with all the challenges and complexities of modern life on our own. I'm a worrier too, but I'm also really useless at it, because the things I worry most about tend not to happen ! Please try not to be so hard on yourself. The 'dark' thoughts are not unusual - we just don't know what other people are thinking. I'm sure you are a lovely, caring and sensitive person, who needs some positive support to build your confidence. Is there a trusted friend or family member you can confide in? You deserve to be happy. Take care,

  • Thank you for your lovely reply. I'm the same, most things I worry about never happen I just put horrible situations in my head that 'could' happen, I think I definitely need help with changing the way I think! I do speak to my mum about it sometimes but I don't feel like I fully open up but she still thinks I should just go gp and see what they say. Again thanks for your reply, it's really helpful being on here it doesn't make me feel so alone :) x

  • Hi, I know how you feel about feeling embarrassed to see your gp, I feel exactly the same and I still haven’t been

    I just wanted to say I have a lot of your issues about worrying and feeling like your never good enough, I don’t like being around people especially when I don’t know them, it makes me feel like an alien and everyone is starring at me because I’m so awful, I went to my nieces 1st birthday party last year and had to stay outside because I kept crying and felt awful because there were lots of people there, even though I knew half of them.

    Your not alone I’m new on here and there is some good advice and it helped to know there are other people that feel the way you do

    Take care x

  • I've been in so many situations the same as you've just said, I've cried when I feel too anxious in a room with people and even when I know the people, I feel like everyone thinks I'm weird and the things I say are weird and it gives me heart palpitations etc, I'm too much of an over thinker, so I know exactly what you mean. I really want to get the courage to go to the gp as so many people say it's helped them, I think you should do the same too. And being on here has already helped me feel lonely and that I'm not the only one

    I hope you can get help too :) take care x

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