Losst

[Loveablerogue]

Hey,Dont know where to start, I've abused myself to the point I don't recognise myself anymore. I have drank and smoked since a young age also used cannabis and other drugs on occasion not proud but thats the truth. Suffered with depression since my teens cant really remember the exact age, been suicidal for along time and in a way I did kill myself by abusing substances my mind is unrecognisable. I had a psychotic episode in 2018 which had me placed in a mental institute for 4 or 5 month and its probably the safest I have ever felt I was off the drink for the longest I had been for years I felt great I kept it up for a few month after leaving the ward but still had a feeling suicide. I had counselling for 3 year after leaving but didn't reap the benefits as I wasn't totally honest with the nurse so didn't really get the right help which is something I regret. A year ago I found one of my best friends hanging which of course is traumatic but I felt I dealt with it great but still in the back of my mind something wasn't right. I have tried everything now medication, therapy, clean living and being brutally honest with myself. I hate the fact that it feels endless and I just want to give in im tired of fighting, I'm in a very dangerous situation where I am feeling like my family would be better off without me, I hate the world and myself. I am religious so suicide in todays society merged with Christianity is a huge conflict I have inside like why if someone is hurting so much to the point they don't want to live why would they be punished for this I get the sanctity of life and yes it really is a beautiful world but an evil one also. I'm closing myself off and burning bridges at the speed of life I guess that the self destruct button. I dont want to feel this way and don't want to admit I'm not as strong as people think 😕 😔. I'm still breathing for the sake of others which isn't right. I want to be here but I'm at a cross roads again and don't know where to turn. The buckets overflowing at this point

[Hidden]

Yes you should be doing it for yourself but for others help. Selfhelp would be best option and encourages you to look inside of yourself. If relationships work they keep us safe and boost our mental wellbeing. Emotional support is very important. To look for reasons or hope to find reasons to live in this world is good way to look at the world. Have been down very dangerous road of selfharm but to pull out of and find the world waiting for you. Everyone deserves chances in life. We take step forward at time and find the world good and able to live it. That's what you are doing, trying to feel accomplishment that you have lived better and are able to cope

Search deep and you will find away through this difficult time

[Louiseone]

You should take Anti-depression treatment- it aim to alleviate symptoms of depression and improve overall well-being. These treatments can include a combination of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes. Therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), helps individuals identify negative thought patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), are commonly prescribed to balance neurotransmitter levels in the brain and improve mood. Lifestyle changes, such as regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep, can also contribute to overall mental well-being. It's important to consult with a healthcare professional to discuss the best approach and treatment plan for addressing depression.

[Itsthegirl123]

Hey loveablerogue, I hope this isn't totally unconventional or un-needed, but I'd like to say my world view, and how I am aslo a part of a religion. I actually follow Islam and I'd say I'm quite strong in my faith and belief. I haven't been the best of Muslims (and I know as humans we aren't perfect) and many a times I've had lots of ups and downs in life but I've always felt very strongly about religion and how it has saved me in more ways than one. I'd say as you are a Christian your faith is very close to the religion of Islam and I also had feelings of despair ( this book called 'Don't be sad', its an Islamic book and the original is in Arabic but can easily be found in English, this particular book I found to have quite a many gems, if you're the reader type, I'm actually not a big fan of reading, however when I read this book I found it to have many good tips, and it has many different chapters, which don't have to be read in order, each chapter has different advice,) also read or listen to the Quran, try listening to the Quran about half an hour before sleeping , can be very relaxing. And look at the English translation of the Quran which you may also find interesting. Hope things look up for you.