Give up

[Igiveup29]

I've tried different tools, medications, support to help but everytime I get a kick in the face. My best friend that has been my rock, I heard her gossiping about my previous suicide attempts to her other friends. She was my last support system because my family don't even acknowledge me. I just feel so alone now, to the point I tried an overdose with everything I could find in my room, I past out and unfortunately I woke up, feeling awful and no one even noticed and hasn't noticed now. I know I need help, and I've tried so hard by myself but I don't know why I mess everything up. People always end up hated me and leaving when all I do is try (probably too hard). I just want to matter but I don't. I can't even commit dioxide right. I know people say it but I would genuinely be better off dead, yes people would be upset any loss is sad but they would get over it. I cause more problems than good and I'm tired of letting people down.

[Hidden]

Hi I am sorry your friend was so insensitive to talk to her friends. I can only think that maybe she couldn't handle being your sole support. It doesn't excuse what she did though.

You say you have tried everything but just get a kick in the teeth? Even with meds and counselling? What's been happening? Counselling isn't something to just do for a short time you know as it probably took years for you to feel like this and it will take time for it to start helping you. It is not an easy option as it obviously brings up up painful memories and emotions you have suppressed for good reasons. It will be worthwhile though if you can persevere with it.

Haven't you found any meds that help? There are lots of different ones so keep trying. You can always talk to us here. x

[Igiveup29]

She loves helping, just think she likes people knowing she helping too. Meds have made me ill or sick, I've been told I have to wait for my blood test results before I try something else. CBT she made me few pathetic, my new counselling starts next week. So I'll see what happens. I rang samaritans today and it's the best I've felt in weeks, she told me I was worth it and I deserve to be alive and that gave me a little hope. I appreciate your help and the samaritans help but I really want my family and friends to care or notice me but I guess I need to get over that and focus on me. Thank you

[Hidden in reply to Igiveup29]

Maybe your family do care but don't believe in depression? This happens too much unfortunately. Can you keep in contact with them but not mention how you feel? It's not perfect but it could be better than nothing.

You can't force people to understand but there are lots who do these days. x

[Igiveup29 in reply to Hidden]

My mom suffered/suffers from it, so I thought she'd understand 😓. I live with my sister, so they keep in contact, they just don't talk to me.

[Hidden]

I give up Welcome to this site.

If you feel Suicidal please call the Samaritans or NHS Information Line and explain how you are feeling and explain you have tried suicide in the past.

I would gather you have had treatment, with coping skills etc. It seems yo need further help to move on. We do not know what has caused your Depression, all I can say however is most of the population has problems relating to mental health concerns

We can listen and suggest ways of leveling mood although your GP will know your History and will be able to advise.

In the past I overdosed and tried to take my own life. The problem I found and still going through was people now distrust me, my Wife looks after all my medications and if She feels I am near the edge will call up The Crisis Team or My CPN. I will also have to take AD medications for the rest of my life, also Opiates for my disability, etc.

Suicide is not worth the trying, we just put ourselves through a lot of pain where people who love us never get over our attempts

We are here to help if we can

BOB

[DMM218 Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

Bob I never realized what you've gone thru so I'm sorry if I've hurt you with my comments before. You are a really good man. You are really strong x

[Igiveup29 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bob, I called the Samaritan line and they were helpful for the moment, then I hang up, I'm alone again. I'm waiting to be referred by my dr, so it's a waiting game. Your family have to care first and my don't know I exist. I'm sorry your wife doesn't trust you, but she stuck by you. She loves you and it'll get better.

[Hidden in reply to Igiveup29]

i giveup

You know where we are when needed

BOB

[Igiveup29 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Igiveup29, Welcome to the forum. Please be reassured that you are not alone. The people on the forum understand how you are feeling and will support you, so please continue to post on here. As borderriever said, if you feel suicidal please call the samaritans. Have a look at the pinned posts to the right of the screen where you will find useful contact numbers and websites. All the best with the counselling next week. You may find that counselling is the way forward for you. It is good to hear you gained so much from talking to the samaritans and always remember you are valued. Best wishes.

[Igiveup29 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you