Feeling helpless

[Smart21]

Hi… very new and nervous to all this and not sure if anyone can help me. A little bit of background as there too much to say - I’m in my 40s, 2 children (19,16) a VERY lovely, thoughtful and caring husband who would do anything for me and very good successful job. 12 years ago, I cared for my mum for 3 years before she sadly passed away very young. I went onto antidepressants and I’ve been to counselling (which helped soo much …. AND there is a lot of family politics to add). To today - my 16 year old is adorable. Lovely, friendly and I adore them. BUT …. Since covid it’s ruined them! From active, loads of friends and sociable … then they had no choice but to ‘hang out’ with s@@@@ living near us. Ive always been prone to depress but My anxiety levels feel sky high. Heart pounding and chest beating, severe hot spells (not hot flushes!!) and constant worry. I feel soo low and don’t know how to get out of it

[hirola]

Hi,First time on site looking for info about anti-anxiety tablets that do not cause sleep loss but saw your problem and thought i would just chime in. Have you confided with you daughter about your worries, or asked your husband to do so? I realise this can be like lighting a fuse but perhaps a teacher, aunt or 'honorary aunt' could broach it. Your daughter might well be showing signs of depression or anxiety herself and showing it by teenage rebellion as I did when my father died when I was 16 and started my high anxiety levels and (fairly half-hearted) rebellion. People do care about you.

[Hidden]

Hello Smart

Life has been badly disrupted and sad to say, what with Covid and the comprimises we have all had to make has made many changes to our lives in general. That and your Depression and Anxiety would have not helped you and any other family members who must be very unsettled as are your Teenage sons. The disruption of not been able to see their own friends must be extremly upsetting. They will most probably be bored. Your eldest son is He now working, and your youngest at School ?

Can your teens not contact their friends on the internet, possibly ZOOM where they can meet and interreact with eachother just to keep in touch. ??

With regards to your Stress and Anxiety, it may be an idea for you to try a relaxation Technique, MINDFULNESS comes to mind, you can purchase books on Amazon for £8;00 std. It has various ways that can help what you describe.

You have been on medications for twelve years since your Mother Died. Have you discussed your medications with your Doctor some changes may be beneficial Side effects can sometimes cause the effects you describe and that although it sounds like Anxiety still needs to be addressed to put your mind at rest

I realize with the distractions you have and associated streeful situations you will have very little time for tourself. However considering your own health concerns do you have any Hobbies or Diversions you could become involved in such activities can divert your worries into a more positive mood.

Have you tried having a family meeting, the four of you to discuss your concerns and worries. That may help, especially if there are disruptive family politics you feel need to be addressed. Remember it is always better to be able to talk out your problems with those who love and wish not to hurt you or your Husband.

BOB

[Smart21]

Thank you both so much. I can’t thank you enough for listening and responding. I must just say ….. my husband is absolutely brilliant and so supportive it’s unreal - he asked me earlier if I was ok and I broke down and then apologised and said he could do better. My eldest appears self sufficient and able to take on ‘life’ (with guidance) but I’m so worried about my youngest (16). He is bloody lovely (and I mean that, not just saying it in here). Finished school and started college as NO ONE taking apprenticeships but we persevered and (after a LONG HAUL) he has got an apprenticeship and doing great. My worries is with ‘friends/family’ around him!!! He thinks that what he is doing is ok because everyone else is doing it but I try and explain that times have changed! I don’t want to come across as bad mum but I also need to be a good mum. This (along with many many other things) is causing me huge anxiety problems and do t know how to approach it 😢

[Rupertthebear]

I think your anxiety will make him listen less to you . You don’t state whether they have disabilities so I assume they don’t . Young people have a mind of their own and the anxiety you speak of due to their choices is normal . However like yourself I became very depressed for many years after the death of my mother . As she was a big part of my life . I think it’s important your children are becoming independent and they will not necessarily become what you may have hoped for . That is something not always in our control so accept what the future may hold but unfortunately you can only do your best and when they see you working along them in harmony but not being worried that will make them resilient.