Feeling happy but sad!

I'm feeling very happy today as my daughter got married to a man she loves and who I think loves her and will care for her. Why sad? Well they live a 12 hour flight away and the marriage was arranged at short notice for pragmatic reasons - though they have always intended marrying - and so I am feeling left out. I know my daughter loves me as much as I love her - she often says what lovely memories she has from being a child and how grateful she is for all the lovely times I gave her - and I know she would have wanted me to be there is it had been possible, so I do not feel rejected, but I do feel that I am missing being a part of the one of the most special and important days of her life. Her husband's family have been able to participate and I wish I was there too.. :( That's all really, otherwise I am fine. How are my friends? I hope you are not feeling too bad today, the weather is changing but slowly and it has been another lovely day here in the North West. Keep in touch,


10 Replies

  • Oh Sue that was unexpected news (for me); I hadn't expected that you would say something like that.

    I can really understand you feeling as you do; it IS a happy day but not being involved in it will be making you feel like you are missing something. Maybe you could ask her to send you the photos and then when you look at them or the DVD it may feel more real or more like you were a part of it? (even though you weren't there you may know more about it by seeing the photos if you see what I mean and feel more involved)

    Sorry I do try and respond to things correctly but not always sure how to phrase things so hope you will forgive me if I write anything wrong or that you don't understand.

    Well you know how I am. Not that good but glad for the support on here and thanks for your reply to mine; it means a lot.

    Gemma X

  • Hi Sue

    I can understand why you are feeling sad. It's very hard to be so far away

    From her. No matter what, or how we try to be adult at times like this, it's only

    Natural to feel a bit hard done by, or thinking that her husbands family

    We're there etc.

    Oh Sue its a common enough thing nowadays for children to live anywhere

    On the globe, it's great but it has its drawbacks.

    Try not to let it put your mood down, as these things can get us down.

    Sue try and focus on the positive thing , that you have a daughter who has such great childhood memories,

    That is so lovely.


    Hannah xxx

  • Sue,

    Although i don't have children I can understand that you would feel happy and a bit sad. At least you didn't have to shop for a mother of the bride hat and dress.xxx that was a joke.

    It was a special day and to have missed it is upsetting. I love the fact though that your daughter has lovely memories of her childhood. She must be a credit to you Sue.

    I know your husband has some health problems but what about going to spend christmas with your daughter and her husband this year? It would be their first as Mr and Mrs and you could create some lovely new memories.

    Sarah xx

  • That's really sad that you weren't there Sue, but it wouldn't have been practical or realistic to try and get there at short notice. Why don't you concentrate your efforts on arranging to visit sometime soon. Or even better, perhaps she and new hubby could come and visit you? X

  • Hi sue

    I don't feel I can add anything other than you knowing I'm thinking of you

    Your friends on here have all had such great ideas

    Hope you will start to feel better soon

    Love squeak xxxxxxxx

  • Hi Sue I am sure you daughter was as upset as you were to miss her wedding. You will have to save up to visit her and her hubby or they could come to you. You sounds as though you love each other a lot which is great. Love and hugs Bev xx

  • Thanks Bev, and yes, I know she was. They are both coming her towards the end of the year, I was just feeling sorry for myself yesterday, reminder of how I felt when I was left out of things as a child... Hope you are ok? Sue

  • I think a mother finds it really hard to let go. I know mine has. She cried when I moved out and then when I got my diagnosis of AS. I've never seen her cry so much in a short period of time! I think mothers just really struggle - with the maternal bond etc. It's hard for the men too of course but seems worse for the mother somehow. But you just have to let them move on. At least she is with a good man, that's surely something to be happy about because you don't have to worry about her being treated badly. I can understand you're sad to have not been there. But I'm sure you will have lovely photos from the day and I'm sure she looks very happy in them :). That's worth more than anything for a mother, isn't it?

    I'm sure she regrets you not being there too. Maybe you can go to their first anniversary celebration? That's something you could look forward to and will be able to show your support.

    I'm doing good just now. Had a few bumps recently but I'm "ironing them out" as it were. I'm realising a lot of things just now which has mostly been good. But one day at a time is always a good way to approach life.

    Much love xx

  • yes, I agree, and thanks for replying. x

  • Hi Want to change nice to see you. Glad to see that your doing well. Good reply

    To Sue too.


    Hannah xx

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