I’m really miserable

[Coolsfancy]

I’m writing today because I don’t know what else to do.

As of this past February I’ve lost everyone in my life that I’ve ever loved.

The grief and despair that I feel is deafening.

And I guess I just need to vent.

I see my therapist on a weekly basis for the most part and last week I told her that I was only living to take care of my cat Tigger. I don’t have any children, my animals I adopt are my children and I make a commitment to care for them and give them my all. I always adopt from a shelter.

I think it’s just now hitting me how alone and sad I feel about my losses.

When my boyfriend of 13 years got diagnosed with fatal brain cancer I was busy seeing him everyday at his rehab and making sure that he was well taken care of. I admit when it comes to people or my pets I don’t take crap from anyone.

Then Covid hit and I know I’m not alone with how that has taken a toll on everyone .

As I watched all the news about Covid I don’t think I really felt the loss of my boyfriend.

I don’t know, I just needed to talk

Thanks

[Hidden]

Ur not alone ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I can be your friend if that helps u

[Coolsfancy in reply to Hidden]

Thank You I appreciate your kindness and generous offer to keep in touch

[Coolsfancy in reply to Hidden]

Thank You I appreciate your kindness

[Hidden]

Sorry Coolheart and WelcomeLife has been so unatural for the last sixteen month. Has really knocked the stuffing out of everyone. My Mother granted we did not get along died in Her early nineties as the country went into perpetual mourning and fear that family members could be lost, It spread like a plague as many families did survive, some of course did die. Another group of people are still suffering from a Hidious Covid extension of the Virus. In a way hopefully we are coming to an end of this horrible condition.

Of course life still has to go one especially if we suffer general losses of people we love and also those Natural Deaths. we never really expect.

You need to be able to grieve for your loss. Talking about Your Loss will help you move on, we never forget the person and all those bitter sweet days you had with them. I have a rescue Dog and like in your case they are a wonderful diversion to lift your mood on sad days and nights

Be kind to yourself and make good use of your Therapists Ear

BOB

[Coolsfancy]

Thank You for your kindness and I’m so sorry for your loss 💕

[Delzek]

Hello Coolheart, I understand you, I have lost both Parents now and I live for my Companions Blueboy,Rosebud and Mikey , Mikey is a Myers Parrot Rosebud is a Rossaela and Blueboy is a Bourkes Parrot. I'm Lucky enough to be Best Friends with my ex Mary.and have been doing my best to look after my Friend Sean who has Cancer and Dementia. So I have something to keep my mind from the dark place! I know we are told Death is the only thing we know for sure that's going to happen one day, so when our Family and Friends pass away our own Mortality comes to the surface,We feel alone so try to give all our love to our Avain or Animal Companions! We Still need some Human interaction (or at least so I'm told,? I can do without it but my Friends cant) Bob gives great advice and even though I have never met him he gave me the right advice on many occasions I hold him in great regard, Like an Internet Friend! If you need a Friend to talk to there are many People here who are really nice so you could talk to any of us even in Private I think. I have not been much of a friend to my Friends of late , too ill and too busy looking after my Friend and Neighbour of 30 years who has Cancer and Dementia! I know my other Friends understand, I don't have many friends left I try to be loyal my Parrot Friends come first then my Human Friends as my Human friends can mostly look after themselves. I hope you reach out and make new friends on here.All the best Derek

[Coolsfancy in reply to Delzek]

I’ve never been like this and I cry that I’m even saying this but I’ve been feeling a lot of suicidal ideation lately.

The only thing I live for is my 11 month old Tigger my cat.

I don’t have a plan but as lonely as I am and this stomach problem I have has got deep depression in my bones.

I would be just the type that I’d die and people would be like “ What Happened “

I’ll be the one that slips through the cracks.

I’ve always been extremely mentally strong but being chronically ill since September has turned my life into hell.

I’m only getting joy from my kitten 🐱

[Hidden]

Same as me I live for my spaniel , but sadly I won’t have him soon and have no idea what I will do , please be safe and cuddle that cat 🐱

[Delzek]

I keep Sane because of my Parrot Companions, I'm sure you are more important to people than you think. Try to speak to a medical professional it may help explain your feelings and hopefully you will get the help you need,Please try to Remember that so many people are going through exactly the same as you. Pain causes a lot of bad thoughts,talking them through helps,Sometimes more than medication.

[Coolsfancy in reply to Delzek]

Thank you for sharing with me. I realize that I’m not alone in how I feel, but aside from my therapist and psychiatrist no one I talk to can relate how I feel

[Coolsfancy]

I want to thank everyone that responded to me and my woes.

I’m doing better and I believe, and perhaps forgot how important sleep is for me.

Having a diagnosis of Bipolar and not having another episode of that for 21 years is something I’m really proud of.

I don’t say that to brag, just a mention for me be so depressed is unusual for me.

I think for me the fact that I’ve lost everyone in my life, yes is a lot , but I have so much to be grateful for.

My regional National Alliance of Mental Illness is finally coming back to being in person presentations. I’m certified in 3 of their programs and that’s my way of giving back.

I once wrote how I journal and it keeps me busy and on track.

I haven’t been doing that and I feel not keeping up with that also impacted my mood.

I just wanted to say thank You and I appreciate all of you listening to me.🕶😎

[Delzek]

We will Always listen and try to help You or any other Person going through a bad time Coolheart! It's what makes Health Unlocked so Unique. I have asked for help a few times over the years,and probably will again! Without People like Yourself AIG67,Borderriever and all the other Members I don't think there is any other place where we can talk either anonymously or with the Honesty we do on here. We all need Someone or somewhere that we can say how we really feel or how our illnesses are affecting us! In the UK we are lucky to get a Dr's appointment and even then its for maximum of 10 minutes and could be a month later. I'm pretty Lucky on that as I now have a great Dr, and he gives me time to say what I need to say and because I am on a Health plan (that's not an insurance policy or private medical) I see the Same Dr everytime and Normally the same day. All that since I joined Health Unlocked and listened to advice given to me by Bob and several other members. Good luck and take care 🙂