The secret of happiness..please feel ... - Mental Health Sup...

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The secret of happiness..please feel free to add your ideas.

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I like to read & have always loved reading books quotes, following blogs highlighting mental issues or ways to pursue happiness.

One of the ones that is simple but I struggle with, is simply to stop doing the things that make you hate myself. Everyday I try to do better but I fail often than not.

I think a great idea is to outline 3 goals & write it on post-it notes to remind you every day where you want to go in your life.

It's also helpful to relieve the pressure on oneself by reminding myself I can just have a "day", instead of a "great day".

To go for good enough, instead of perfection (a state that doesn't exist anyway). And it's great for people prone to perfectionism. I great way to punish yourself, is by constantly reaching for something no one can obtain.

I also allow myself, "slack days" when my depression or anxiety strikes. Allowing yourself to have a day to do nothing, you lessen the guilt you have for having depression or anxiety.

I of course use gratitude & feel guilty but I look back to history where the most terrible things to ever take place happened. I've read two books on the survivors of the holocaust & it's such a wakeup call. Sometimes it's a mental slap across the face, because when all is said & done I have so many things to appreciate....my freedom is just one of them.

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Happiness..for me is "doing me" n not caring what others think,n getting rid of the negative worthless people that come into my life.U get one life,so why have all the negativity in it.Find those worth creating the happiness with.My biggest happiness is my dog,music n humor.

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

Definitely cut out toxic people, even if you love them. Finally did it to my brother, gambler with mood swings. One moment he treats you nice, the next like sh*t. Love music, couldn't live without it.

Why would you want to do anyone else but you...if you follow the crowd, you'll never discover how great you can be!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Hidden

Ahhh someone who thinks like me,wahoo.Too much energy expended on people not worth it.Some may think its mean..I think Im being smart.

Music is everything to me..and gets me out of my mind and body when I need it.

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

I love music. If music didn't exist, I wouldn't exercise, drive, clean my unit or leave my house. Ps. Love the picture of the hippo 😁

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

Ditto..thanks..who cant resist a baby hippo n then in a baby pool...too freakin cute

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

I know right?!!?Love baby panda's, hugging the legs of the people who work in the nursery or just watching all those small bundles of black & white sleeping in their cots. Would LOVE to work in a panda nursery. Would go nuts!!!! Lol

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

Sign me up to work at any zoo..See,this is what happiness is..

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

I know so simple right? Lol. It would make me sad to see animals caged though, even though the cages are large & pretty. Designed to look like their natural habitat & thus freedom. I don't like zoo's & hate the circus....if there still around??? I can understand the advantages they can represent in some ways to the animals (zoo's I mean) but mostly I prefer my animals free & not domesticated in any way. But then again if I could tame a lion & a wolf, I would own them both...well actually live to serve them.

goldieoldie
goldieoldie in reply to Hidden

Hello Loststars,How are you today,you sound good.I also feel far more alive than yesterday.although my lows arent as bad as some ,my heart goes out to them----I love quotes and reading ,mainly fact.and self-help books .love Classic FM(radio)---- loads of classical hits that I can put as loud as I like------hoping to hear from you and anyone else that wants to chat....UK

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Hidden in reply to goldieoldie

Hello goldieoldie,So awesome to hear that your feeling a bit better. Books are great...to lose oneself in another world. How can one resist? I use to read a lot of self help books, first just learning about what GAD and what Depression was. Then I tackled books that was more centred on how to be happy. Nowadays I hardly read either kinds. Since I've read sooo many. Plus if you continually define yourself as that, focus solely on that....well you miss out on life. Like the quote goes..."we're so busy looking at the tree, we miss the forest"...which to me means the other simple joys of life. We are more than our problems, conditions or disorders.

There is no problem we cannot overcome.

goldieoldie
goldieoldie in reply to Hidden

Hello ,I have suffered most of my life with Anxiety,,,,,,and had it not been that I developed extreme sressas New Gp practise reduced my 30 yrs almost 5mg diazapam---------about 2 yrs now=====I would never have found HEALTHUNLOCKED-----IM almost 75 years and have spent most of my life alone for various reasons,als DrClaire Weeks is my saviour for understanding as she puts it ,nervous illness,no other-none all the other self-help books were years simple joys in my life are good conversation,and classical music that I used to listen to many years ago ,but are available on tv radio====Yes,I am far more than my conditions,PDisorder I have a sense of humour and can empathise ,and emotional intelligence......and I have missed out on life and hanging by a thread,for want of a better expression!

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Hidden in reply to goldieoldie

I feel you...we all hang on to a thread. I do it everyday but for some reason, when my darkness envelopes me...I taught myself to fight anyway. For reasons I can't remember, when depression makes my mind foggy & I can no longer remember why I'm fighting. I put one foot in front of another, breathe in & out and keep going. I never remember why I fight in those times....when my general anxiety makes me as frightened as a child in the darkness, alone. Sometimes you just have to find reasons to smile. As Ricky Gervais said.."Relax, you only have one life & there's no sequal" Love that man lol.

goldieoldie
goldieoldie in reply to Hidden

Hello, Im so glad you understood and responded--- I do realise that you are struggling too and its no easy task as you say ,depression can overpower the best of us and we are thankful for one day that is a bit better than the next...I started off great yesterday and noticed that I was getting less and less ,and my mood changed by evening,I just want you to know that its good that you want to draw/paint again but afraid--is'nt it strange how we put off the things that we once enjoyed---I hate myself for being so lighthearted and gradually ,it peters out,and we still carry on ----there are so many things I want to do today,some shopping ..........as the weather is not too bad,and its brighter -almost midday ...yes I enjoy singing and listening to both classical light music ,and 60s70s and 80s as well among other things ,,,,I cant draw,brothers can -----Another story,I hope your day will be good ,almost midday here in UK,take care.

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Hidden in reply to goldieoldie

Hello goldieoldie,It is funny. We slowly let all the things that brought us joy, just wither away. Then we wonder why we no longer feel happy. Fear is a great liar, whispering our failures, questioning our ability & self worth. Life is for the strong & sometimes I question if I'm strong enough for this world. But that's usually a sign that I'm trying to live in the future & not bask in the gift of the present moment. Focus on now. That's the name of a documentary a actor who died of cancer. I only watched glimpses, it broke my heart & I know in all honesty it would trigger a spiral of suicidal thoughts for me. Depression would pull me under again & I would drown. But I know in a way he was documenting his struggle & ultimate death to help other realise the importance of "living in the moment" you have...right now. Meditation is training how to focus on the second in front of you & if your lucky the next.

I'm depressed today, self-inflicted, holding on to the old me, doing things that use to please me but no longer does. I did it to please others (typical people pleaser pattern)...now I'm suffering & feeling down.

It will pass & tomorrow I will feel better. I know what I have to do. I have to learn to disappoint others for my mental health. It's well worth learning this important lessen to manage my GAD & depression.

"To thine self be true" Can't believe how important that quote really is.

Hope u have a good day :)

I don't really know what happiness for me is... There are so many things that trigger me but also make me happy. (My boyfriend being one of them.) I like to think that people make me happy, but I find pretty often that people piss me off more than make me happy. My friends, which I don't have many of anyways, just use me and only acknowledge my existence when they need me to solve their problems. It's the same thing with my siblings too. As for my boyfriend...well...that's a whole other thing. He basically just can't handle me when I'm upset. If I'm happy and in a good mood, then everything is sunshine and rainbows. But the minute I have an issue or are upset for some reason, the world goes to hell, and everything just becomes about him and my feelings don't matter. Like, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best. For real! Honestly, quarantine has changed me so much and I am way more depressed now than I was before this whole pandemic started. Thank god for Netflix at this point. School isn't doing anything for me, work is stupid, and I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to that won't just shut me out for being sad. So I guess happiness for me is Netflix, because the rest of my world ain't it.

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Hidden in reply to Sunkissed_Panda

Hello Sunkissed_Panda,Hey I would be here for you :) Not everyone leaves when you're sad. I can relate though, lost a lot of people when I stopped being ashamed of depression & just told people.

Your boyfriend reminds me of my favourite brother, he love me when I was full of sunshine & hid my pain behind laughter but when I finally took off the mask he cut me out of his life. To say it hurt is an understatement. I was godparents to both of his children, now I'm not allowed in his house & he won't answer my texts lol. But such is life. Also lost a long term friend I loved, she again just cut me off & stopped texting. We would text 4 to 5 times a week. I thought of her as a sister. So there's a lot of casualties when you show people who you really are but at least you get to find out, who really loves you. Okay the amount is usually not a lot but it quality of quantity.

On a happy note, there are beautiful people out there. My best friend (yes I only have one) accepts me for who I am, depression & anxiety. And emotional scars of my childhood that will eternally make me different. We are all f**ked in some way.

I love watching Family Guy, comedies and watching stand-up shows. Love Ricky Gervais, his old school podcasts & Stand-up. He's help me more than he will ever know. Love his sick humour & find that Seth MacFarlane & Jo Koy have it too. I always laugh at things I shouldn't :).

Sunkissed_Panda
Sunkissed_Panda in reply to Hidden

Hey, thank you for the touching message. I've spent a good chunk of today crying. My boyfriend and I are in a fight right now, and as I'm writing this, he just made me tell him everything bothering me, and then he decided that instead of trying to be a positive voice, he would just make me feel worse and blame every problem we're having on me. Such good times, let me tell you. But anyways, I do appreciate you taking the time to be a positive voice. I don't have many of those right now. I don't really have any friends, and my parents are too busy with my siblings and work and other stuff to acknowledge me. My only friend is the huge pug squishmallow that I have lol. Best birthday gift ever honestly! And also, I will totally be your friend if you need anything too! My life is a little crazy at the minute; I have a lot of tests to worry about at school, and I work a lot. But I do try to find time to come on here every so often. It's like a reset for all of the stress; I don't know why.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Sunkissed_Panda

Hello Sunkissed_Panda,That's very sweet of you, would love to be your friend :)

I would surmise that the reason you visit this place is because everyone feels lighter once they voice their worries. A good talk always helps & it's the same experience you get after seeing a professional psychiatrist or counsellor. I use to get them form of relief after crying my heart out to my psychiatrist, this was decades ago. But soon realised that they were just human & as imperfect as me. I no longer went & found that I had all the strength I needed inside me...as you do.

But I don't knock seeking professional help & knew a friend once who benefited from years of therapy.

It's a shame about your boyfriend's response but it seems like a "him" problem, not a "you" problem. Some guys or people for that matter cannot deal with heavy emotional stuff. My ex use to call me a downer but looking back I never was "too much", I was just with somebody who wasn't mature enough to give me the support, that I gave him.

If I was you, I would put myself first, study then pamper yourself. You deserve it!!!

Sunkissed_Panda
Sunkissed_Panda in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much! Honestly I'm trying to figure out what I want my near future to be. Life is so confusing and stressful and overwhelming right now, especially with the current circumstances. Life was a lot less complicated before this whole pandemic. It was a lot more fun too. I never imagined I would get a headache from being in my bedroom too much. True story; it happened on Tuesday. I'm looking for things to do that are fun and give me the joy that I would've been having if it wasn't for...ya know...pandemic. Singing and dancing like an idiot to music has been a popular choice lately. Not on TikTok, just in my house when no one else is home. I'm not that weird TikTok girl or anything lol (I actually don't have any social medias (unless this counts as one)). But yeah, that's fun. I also got a car recently, and I go on a drive at least once a day because for some reason, it's stress relieving. Just to be out of this damn house, and not at work. I feel like Lightning McQueen in Cars, when him and Sally go on that drive up by that waterfall. It's that kind of relief. Sort of soothing in a way. (Man, do I ramble or what?) Hope your day was as good as it can be. Looking for the positives in the negative situations is tough, but well worth the search.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Sunkissed_Panda

Hi, Don't worry about it I tend to ramble on constantly & have been called weird more times than I can count lol. The Panadmic has been a soul sucking vortex, that's for sure. But since I'm used to being alone & I'm single it has sadly had no devastating impact on my social life. Most of the time I am alone & for most days it feels like the norm. On other days it weighs my spirit down. I think of all the people I lost but have learned to snap out of that mental state pretty quickly. It's not so weird to sing or dance alone, anything that make you happy, isn't stupid at all.

I'm glad you got a car, that sounds pretty sweet. Just to drive & get away from everything. Driving used to bring on my anxiety but I conquered it. It took two years but I did it. Now my mind & body goes calm whenever I enter my car. It's funny how my hard work paid off. Fear is just an illusion but boy can it appear real.

If I'm lucky enough to be in a good mood I dance & sing around my unit....or to my cat. Which is kind of sad lol. I talk to my cat all the time but have been assured by my friend to only worry if she starts to talk back to me haha.

Life is definitely hard but there's no denying there's beauty there too. You just have to look for it 🙂

Sunkissed_Panda
Sunkissed_Panda in reply to Hidden

That's a great way to put it. There really is beauty in life that honestly hides itself, makes itself difficult to see. It needs to come out into the open haha. Also I love how you talk to your cat. My father is allergic to animal hair, and my brother got bit by a dog when he was little, so he's afraid of animals now, so I don't have any pets. But it would definitely be awesome to have a little animal friend roaming around. I absolutely love dogs; I will definitely be adopting one when I'm an adult and have my own place. And then the neighbors will call me crazy when they see or hear me talking to my dog lol. Can't wait for that interaction. I hope you have an amazing day. Make time for yourself and don't overdo things that have little value. Aside from Netflix 'cause duh lol.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Sunkissed_Panda

Hello Sunkissed_Panda,You have so much ahead of you. I envy you that. I always wanted a dog but even as adult I can't afford one, plus the vet fee's. If I couldn't afford to pay the fees when my dog is sick or hurt, it would be irresponsible of me to get one in the first place. But I would love to experience the love of a dog & have a exercise companion. I can't wait for you to experience that joy :) I see a lot of happiness in your future, just never give up!!!

Sunkissed_Panda
Sunkissed_Panda in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much! Same to you! Don't worry, I won't do it until I am financially prepared to do so. I don't need more angry phone calls from people telling me to be better haha.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Sunkissed_Panda

You couldn't be anymore better than you are....right atm. We all try our best with the knowledge, life experience & obstacles we face. When you know better, you'll do better. But right now you are just the way you're supposed to be....pretty close to perfection :) Clear your mind, focus on the now & smile for absolutely no reason

😀

Sunkissed_Panda
Sunkissed_Panda in reply to Hidden

For real! You definitely know what you're talking about! Thank you so much for all the positive encouragement! No one else has really been here for me recently, so I really do appreciate you taking the time to make my life that much happier. It's nice to know that somewhere out in the world, someone actually cares. So thank you, truly. <3

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Sunkissed_Panda

Awwhhh no worries. You are quite special & deserve kindness just like everybody else.

😀

Sunkissed_Panda
Sunkissed_Panda in reply to Hidden

Same to you! Thank you for everything! There is hope yet. <3

I have heard, and I think it's true: unhappiness is caused by your idea of how things should be clashing with the reality of how things are. So, not allowing yourself to obsess over the "wrong" stuff that you can't change. Acceptance.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Phil-4-13

Acceptance is imperative to happiness, even the anger we feel to others is based on how we "want them to be or want them to behave". Not excusing any form of abuse from toxic people but I learned acceptance from the quote, "we are all victims of victims". My mum & family have screwed me over mentally including my narcacisstic exboyfriend but I learned to accept it for what it was. Again it maybe a reason but it's never an excuse for destructive or abusive behaviour. Remember we get what we tolerate!Setting healthy boundaries is a must but like most people pleasers....it's a difficult one for me. Loving yourself is the key to realising how you are not only entitled to happiness but deserve it.

Phil-4-13
Phil-4-13 in reply to Hidden

Yes I think there's a lot of wisdom in your words.

Happiness is spending time with family and animals 🐶🐮🐥🐴🐠

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Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar

For me it's animals....I live for them lol.

FearIsALiar
FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden

Same !

It is always a good thing if you are either low or sometimes is you do something well be keen to reward yourself. If you feel low consider diversions you enjoy, Hobbies can also rise the mood

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Hidden in reply to borderriever

Hi there,Read about a lady who would treat herself every month for surviving another month living with depression. I thought that was a cool tip. I would always treat myself after a job interview because it would sky rocket my anxiety levels. Done that for years.

Hobbies is a effective & sometimes a creative diversion. I use to oil paint. When in the "zone" hours would fly by & in those moments, I was just me. No anxiety, no depression. Want to get back to painting, dying to paint a lion, one of my all time favourite animals. The other is a wolf...sloth...panda...every animal really lol. Grab onto what you love & implement in your life as much as you can.

Phil-4-13
Phil-4-13 in reply to Hidden

That's so cool that you paint and I would love to see your lion! My favorite animal too!

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Phil-4-13

A man with taste...I like it. Lions are breathtaking. I am truly in awe of their beauty & would love to capture that on canvas. But it's been so long since I painted & have lost my skill. I almost don't want to try again & find out I'm right. That I can't do it anymore. I will however screw my courage to the sticking place & give it a go. (Yes I like Shakespeare lol). Anything worth doing, is worth doing badly. You just have to take the first step. I would rather fail at something I love, than succeed in something meaningless.

Phil-4-13
Phil-4-13 in reply to Hidden

That's great that you want to tackle painting again. Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more! :) Ditto Shakespeare! And that's a really good point, anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Maybe that will motivate me to get out my watercolor paints again and do some dabbling.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Phil-4-13

Please do....artists unite!!!!

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Hidden

I hope all of you guys realise today how amazing you really are 😛😛😛

For me, happiness is to feel safe and comfortable. I mean that happiness for me is the absence of worries, anxiety, fear, etc. This is in harmony with oneself. And it also includes the happiness and health of my loved ones. And the lack of toxic people, of course.

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Hidden in reply to vancosta

Hello vancosta Sounds wonderful, like heaven I imagine ...utopia. I think your idea of happiness sounds perfect but am always greedy for more. I would love for animal & child abuse to stop, & for homeless people to have the basics we all deserve. A roof over our head, food, water, a place to sleep & peace.

vancosta
vancosta in reply to Hidden

I understand that my answer sounded a little selfish, but for me (as for many, I think) these are the first steps in order to have energy and desire to help others, for example, children, old people, animals, homeless people. I believe that happiness should be shared of course.

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Please don't get me wrong you are anything but selfish. In fact sometimes we have to be selfish in order to focus on our own physical & mental health.Yesterday I had a bout of depression, I was selfish. All I could do was cry over the people who cut me out off their lives, feel sorry for myself that I was never loved & can't have children, hurt because I felt incredibly scared & alone.

I didn't think of the homeless people, hungry people, hurt animals or children. All I could think of is that I didn't want to go on anymore. I'm no saint & struggle daily, fail daily but I'm trying to keep moving and keep forgiving myself.

There are good days & bad days. Mostly I try to just have a day.

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