Will I ever feel happy

Me and my 15 year long partner broke up at the beginning of May and he totally turned his back on me BUT it was me that called it off last November and we agreed to be friends which we were and still saw him regularly, holding hands when we were out, him staying for meals etc. but when I wanted him back properly in May that's when he said NO. I had finished things twice before over the last few years. After thinking a LOT what happened I put it down to my mental health problems and I was telling him not to visit me more and more as well. Now I am left heartbroken and am struggling to be without him. I keep thinking of all the happy times and holidays we had and although I know he wont come back I cannot accept it is over and its all my fault. I have written to him sent him texts but I get no response at all.. I get up most mornings feeling I have nothing to get up for nothing to live for, feel there is no point in anything, not interested in doing anything, housework or going out, and when I do see family or my friend its as if I am just going through the motions and most of the time I just want to go home, but then feel lonely. I am 65 and cannot see any happy future, nothing matters, I cant stop thinking of my ex. How will I ever feel better and happy.

5 Replies

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  • Think it may take sometime, and I feel you know this yourself. But in the meantime are there any U3A groups in your area that you could join. Just so that you are going somewhere different and being a fresh start for you. U3a groups have lots of different topics in small, and smallish groups. I belong to a card making group and an Art group. I can honestly say I'm hopeless at drawing and painting but meeting up and chatting or listening to others chatting is interesting, I occasionally put in a few words also . Many u3a groups organise outings. Walking groups, history groups, visiting gardens etc Something to consider .

  • Hello Rosa , Being painfully honest , and trying not to hurt you, it sounds as though you jerked this guy around quite a bit. He's probably had enough of it and unless you can convince him that you realize you've made a mistake he is probably going to move on with his life. You should try to do that also. If you are sitting home stewing you are going to look needy and men run from needy. You have some choices to make so think about what you want your life to be like and make the choices that will be best for you. Choices that don't include your ex. Do not think about the happier times, that will only feed into self pity. Think about what made you end it and strengthen your resolve .Don't contact him. Do some nice things for yourself, and let us know how you are getting on. Pam

  • Hi Rosa, Dont give up, I understand how your feeling, even tho that cant help how you feel I want you to know you dont need him to be happy, Those memories are great but there are many more out there waiting to be made, I know the part of putting on a mask and getting people to think everything is great, But get busy and get out of house if someone asks how you doing tell them get ready and let them know really how you feel, get out and do things that are totally not you, maybe its going to a baseball game around your town at a high school, volenteer, go give blood, the more your out you will see the fun and happiness is inside you not put there by your ex, just dont stay inside cause your onky surrounded by fear and sadness and old memories, try walking around looking at the city you live in and breathe and smile. One step at a time, your new life is waiting so come on lets go.

  • Hi chevybucket (strange name) Thank you for your kind reply. I know I shouldn't base my happiness on other people but looking back over my life that is exactly what I have done from being alright as long as Mum was there, being alright when my first relationship/marriage/husband was there (which was 33 years in total), and then my recent ex. I have a daughter, son in law, sister and her family and my friend who all try to help me but its not the same as having someone special in your life. I am hoping that in time I will recover but at the moment feel that its going to be a long unhappy road ahead. I found your reply uplifting and you giving me hope (which is nice as other replies are saying well its your fault get on with it sort of attitude. I have arranged to go to the coast for a few days with my friend next week, but part of me is dreading it, I have CFS, IBS and general fears that I have to overcome as well. Once again thankyou for your reply.

  • ur a groovy chick! xxx

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