I'm just a mess..help?

Hi Robyn

You say your Mum doesn't understand, and you mention she's a nurse. I'm a teacher and while I can get across a tricky point to a class of 30 kids, I find it incredibly difficult to teach my own children anything. Sometimes when things are too close to home, you just can't transfer the skills that you use every day.

It sounds like you've got a lot going on for you just now, and you've mentioned that you've had therapy in the past. Can I asked why that therapy stopped, and did you feel it worked for you at the time?

Now that you are 16, you don't need your Mum to take you to see a doctor. You can take yourself. However talking to a GP about mental health difficulties can be really hard and I think it would be great if someone could go with you.

I wouldn't advocate trying to go behind your Mum's back, but at the same time, you are entitled to get help for how you're feeling, even if she won't support you.

Are you in the UK? If so, there are lots of charities and support networks you can access.

Take care,

Lucy x

apart from the vast age difference I know what your going through having been there myself, its sad your family cannot help but that is part of the problem, no one can see the hell you are living , for myself I found professional help to be no help at all in fact it often made things worse, although I am much better now sometimes things can trigger depression, it didn't ever "go away" for me but I do manage to live with it and myself most of the time. I know this isn't much help but I just wanted you to know your not alone and I am always around if you need someone who understands to talk to, I really hope you find that one elusive thing or person who can (in time) make the blackness go away I turned to Buddhism and it helps me but its not the answer for everyone, but where ever it is I hope you find your salvation remember it is out there some where its just it can be very hard to find. stay safe Barrie

Speaking to the doctor is by far the worst part. I absolutely hate it and the number of times I've walked in to the room, fully intending to talk about depression, and instead asking for something completely different is crazy! You could possibly write down in a few points that you'd like to talk about, and hand it to the doctor.

Something like 'I've been feeling quite down lately, I'd like to talk about it with you but not entirely sure how to start' The doctors will be experienced in knowing the right things to say and the kind of questions to ask, and you'll most definitely come out of there feeling better than you did when you went in.

Hi Robyn,

I've read your piece and I am a social worker - you need to get a professional to help you. You are 16 and can get help on your own now you dont need anyone's advice from your family. It appears your family does not understand at all depression - and how difficult it can be and it is also very dangerous with people not getting help and turning to do other things they know they should not do.

I suggest you talk with whoever you can - do you have a minister - that might be a start - go to them and tell them you are depressed and what they symptoms are - ie can you sleep - do you want to eat etc. Tell them you have been this way since you were young and now you need something to help. You probably need an anti depressant - but I am not a doctor and do not know. It isi very complicated but a doctor both can and will help you and you can also ask the doctor to speak with your mom.

Dont be afraid you must speak up and right now. Write to me and tell me what you have done - I am interested and I do care - I am very serious.

Take care,

blondola1

Hi Robyn,

So many people out there don't have the courage to reach out, be honest, and ask for help - you should be pleased with yourself for doing this.

I've been in a similar place to you which started out at about 12 - I experienced OCD related anxiety which turned into depression, or sometimes I would feel depressed for no reason (it was always when I was at family gatherings it would seem most pronounced, because I would realise I was not having the same enjoyment as I used to when I was younger and had these gatherings, probably also because of the happy atmosphere - adults drinking champagne and younger kids running around). I would also feel tired all the time, uncomfortable about seeing friends and not feeling part of the group whenever I did. I just wanted to be at home doing nothing, watching whatever my favourite TV series was at the time, forget everything, and pretend to be the characters in the show. Sometimes when I was with a group I would get a strong desire to be away from them and alone, but then being alone was also what I hated. I yearned for company, comfort, reassurance, a distraction. I didn't like just being left with nothing but my thoughts and feelings. Things did change and get better for me. I'm not saying it's only hormones - I know there is probably something more serious causing what you're experiencing at the moment, but they do make it a lot worse, please remember that. As I got older I did find the anxieties and depression start to settle down and I'm sure you will too. Please be assured that it won't always be as bad as this. I'm not saying what I went through was as bad as what you're going through now, merely sharing my own experience and realising that it was, in part (but not completely) down to being a teenager.

You sound like an amazing, strong young woman to have dealt with and fought this in a really mature and sensible way - you've also over come self harm, which realise from other people's experiences is a really difficult thing to do. I reckon a combination of counselling and anti depressants will help you to improve. I had counselling when I was 12, and again when I was 16 - an entire 4 years ago (although I sort of feel into that for a different reason), and both times the therapist there was able to help me to get the bottom of my anxieties and I was able to overcome most of them (or at least reduce them). I also noticed an improvement in my self esteem (one of my strengths, I was told, was the ability to express myself. I was pretty good at understanding the own root of my anxieties - for example I was able to explain the history of my OCD tendencies, but I certainly benefitted from the guidance of someone in a objective position) and was better able to focus on the positive aspects of myself rather than the negatives ones - and therefore have a better sense of self worth. I think what I've learnt is the way that others see us is actually a lot more positively than the way we see ourselves - and I reckon that therapy would really help to get to bottom of the self esteem issues you mention, help you to break out of this cycle, and improve you're overall mental health. As someone who's been there myself I'm certain self esteem issues is probably one of the biggest factors of depression and threats to our mental health.

So start with your doctor, there's a simple answer to getting your message across: print off this post and take it to the appointment with you and give to the doctor to read - that way they will know a bit about your history, see how hard you've worked to overcome this and that you've tried everything you can to help yourself.

It can be heart breaking for any mother to know their child is suffering and they can't make it better. Just give her time, as she may be trying to protect herself instead of coming to terms with it. She'll soon come round, especially when she sees you helping yourself and fighting this, and I'm sure she will become very proud of the strong, beautiful daughter she has.

Good luck,

wanderingwallflower xx

Also I know you said you had therapy before and it didn't work out, but I think that's because it was stopped too early. Also bare in mind that a good rapport and between the therapist and the client is important for it become successful, sometimes it's just about finding the right person that fits. Also depression is a complex illness and I think it's just as important to treat the physical element with medication - if you weren't on anti depressants when you had treatment before that might be another reason why the results weren't as good as they could have been. Just wanted to let you know that I'm aware you had counselling before. xx

Hey!

I'm sorry for everything of that. I understand you.

My parents doesn't care bout me. So yeah, I understand.

I hope everything will be better for you soon!

-another young girl xx

Ps: nice to meet you! And welcome to this forum, xx

Robyn,

Please please assure us you'll see a doctor now. My major self-esteem issues started around your age and worse because I was too worried about addressing them, not being taken seriously and even getting laughed out of the building. The first GP I saw about this was at my university practice, and going into my final year after some tragic events had frankly messed me up. The GP listened to me, showed me so much kindness, and prescribed an SSRI called citalopram.

Talk to people, trust in people because they really care, whether it's a counselor, psychiatrist, doctor or your best friend. You have the right to feel happy and secure. Please don't dismiss it and talk to your GP now, maybe ask to see a lady doctor if it helps you, and taking a list is a very good idea as we all tend to clam up in those situations.

I can say citalopram helped me finish uni, but when I did I continued taking pills, telling people everything was fine, when I was gradually slipping until I took an overdose in January. I'm 27 now. I know it was because I wasn't open with anyone about the guilt and sadness, and for all the reasons you mentioned for yourself. Don't just take whatever pills they give you, you have every right to 6 sessions of counseling on the NHS, and they will both decide where to take you next.

After 3 more changes in anti depressants and anti anxiety meds I think I've found the right thing for me and my doctor is determined not let me slip through the tracks, sending me for counseling and psychiatry and always being at the end of an email. I know it's hard, especially if you a little shy and lack self-confidence, but take that step, and keep talking. People really are compassionate when you let them in, and doctors are especially experienced at meeting people with depression every day.

I can't offer much advice on the parental issue. It's something my family, although loving, have never felt comfortable talking about.

I just see a lot of myself in you when I was 16. You have so many good things ahead of you so start now!

If you need to come back to this forum everyone is here for you, and message me if you need to ever ask a question.

Good luck! xxx