It's just life

I don't mean to seem negative even though I know I will come across as such. Because I want to talk about the things we all fear, the things we hide behind a smile. The truth. Life can be good and bad.

I read about people encouraging other's not to lose hope in love & they will find their other half. But sometimes that doesn't happen. I'm 45, met tons of players, lost my virginity to rape at 36. Dated a narcacisst I still love (plain stupid). I believed in love. I still do. But it doesn't happen to everyone. It's terrible to say but, telling everyone you will find someone when you just don't, just makes you feel worse. The lesson I learned is that not everybody loves the way I do. I love to the day I die, no matter what. People fall "in love" and the fall "out of love". I just love. Forever.

Sometimes life is not fair, I have never been loved by any man, suffer from daily chronic endometriosis & my upcoming hysterectomy assures me the will be no last minute miracle baby.

Life owes us nothing & sometimes it's what we get. So we look for the little things in our daily life, moving forward when we don't know why. I don't cry out "why me?!!"...why not me?. I look around at so many people who have less than me & may be I will always be alone in this life, so I try to forget all that can never be.

If it's meant to be it will. No games, no players.

[Hidden]

Sometimes we need to live for the day, although people collect baggage from others who have done you wrong. We never get over that, being Betrayed and hurt, although we need to move on in live from learning from those negative hurtful relationships.

I was in my early thirties when I got married in my case it was family who wreaked my relationships by their own baggage from their past. The young do not need to have to listen to peoples distortions of the truth only their own experiences, attitudes should should be kept from their earlier lives.

I am so sorry for you what happened you have gone through the mill battered and bruised, although now you need to move the past to that the past and move on or you will end up becoming bitter and that will close you of from people who have only positive thoughts about you, you will need to let them in and not pass on your fears and distrust

We never get over failed love relationships, that is how we learn in life however not every person we meet is bad, we need to be able to trust our own feelings and carry on in a positive light.

When I was young it was explained to me that, three dates give us an idea if the person is in any way suitable to carry a relationship onwards Then we can really start to know this person and there good and bad spots. in a more inclusive way

BOB

[goldieoldie]

Hi,understandably,your probably less optimistic about life than before ,and at least your not hateing....Reality ,or the T ruth of the matter is you are finding it hard to reconcile yourself to not having that special someone in your life for emotional support ,someone to comfort you and love ,===You will find that person ,you have a lot going for you in terms of being strong and perhaps your happiness may be in a career something that you enjoy doing,even perhaps adopting !sorry its either this laptop or me or more like;y both,letters are going foreign------and the one I typed out before vanished .pm me if you want --Im a realist and try to spell that out or relate in that manner!

[greenpasture]

Life is indeed not fair, but life itself is such a precious gift! Many people died early of painful illnesses or accidents and some never got born. I'm not downplaying the hardships you've been through - you indeed went through many terrible things in life - but the fact that you're alive today and helping others by contributing to this forum is an amazing feat in itself!

It's really precious that you love people with such dedication and hope. That is what true love is - it's unconditional and unfailing. The world needs more people like you and your presence is a gift to everyone around you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on life with us.

[FearIsALiar in reply to greenpasture]

Well said.

[Hidden]

I am truly blessed. I see so many people sick, children & animals abused or tortured. I would give anything to be able to help them. My heart hurts & I feel sick when I see animal abuse.

My life is no more tragic or painful than others...in fact I know in so many ways I am so blessed.

True love is unconditional & can be inconvenient & painful when given to the wrong person. It's not something that can be turned off like a tap.

Thank you for your very kind words, it's knowing there are people like you out there in the world, that makes it a little more precious.

[Hidden]

To Love we need to trust, remember it needs to pass between both Partners.

Try not to be in such a hurry that your standards fail to hit the mark. Love takes two too Tango, sometimes if we slip up and the partner cannot dance we will trip and again hurt ourselves Love is like earning to dance, it takes time to meet a partner we can rely on and has the same intentions as ourselves. Needs, hopes and expectations are very important, Trust is so important in a Life long relationship

BOB

[Hidden]

I trust no one & have abandonment issues. I also feel suffocated in relationships. I am too broken to be loved & even though I naturally yearn sometimes to be loved, in all honesty my anxiety would increase if any guy showed some interest & I would run fast lol. I would need a guy who knew that I was a 45 year old woman, who would have to be taught what a healthy relationship looks like. How to treat each & how to communicate. Sounds like a joke but it's not.

My childhood didn't provide me with this information. Long story. Not ready to explain.

And I don't want to live in my past.

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

I also dated a narcissist.. I broke up with him which took a lot of strength.. We are doing no contact right now but I’m hurting and I know I won’t go back to that thing (at least I hope I don’t change my mind) he was no good for me but he masks a lot of things. He thinks he’s an amazing person when he’s really no good. He’s very toxic. I still love him but I love the person I made him out to be. And I made him out to be someone he wasn’t. It hurts. We just recently broke up.

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

Yeah that what hurts the most....I can't get the man I loved back because he never existed. I fell in love with someone that was just an illusion. I miss & love "him"...the fake one. The one that executed the love bombing, the one who built me up....only to tear me down. I will always love a man that doesn't even exist.

Go no contact. It will always hurt but you learn to live with the pain. You learn to live without them because the only thing that can hurt me more than thoughts of him, is him being right in front of me. Looking at him, knowing he exists & that he never once loved me at all. I was never enough. Narcacists are just victim of victims...as we all are. But giving them a second chance is like giving someone another bullet because they missed you the first time.

Heal by yourself. You deserve to live in some resemblance of happiness.

Take care of you.

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

It really does hurt...I’ve also spoke to my ex and he’s saying he’s changed when really he is faking it just to get me back to then emotionally abuse me again..

[Hidden in reply to FearIsALiar]

I'm sorry to hear of your pain. There are no words that I can say to change how you feel. At some point we have to stop being a victim & cut out the one person we love & need most. Don't allow yourself to be emotionally abused, life is too short & you're selling yourself too cheap. It's sooooo hard, that I know. It took me years to wean myself off him like a drug. And I still want him, love him & miss him. You have to go cold turkey. You can do it.

I knew this young woman once who did it, she cried & died inside a little but she did no contact & never looked back. I wish looking back I was as clever & strong as her. She respected herself & you have to start to.

[FearIsALiar in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for understanding x

[Torri_____ in reply to FearIsALiar]

Thoughts and heart to you too and we got this ✊🏼

[Hidden in reply to Torri_____]

Go girl!!!!

[Anonymous4321]

You sound very mature and smart, Lost Star. I wish you best.

[Hidden]

Thank you Anonymous4321,

I wish the same for you

[Torri_____ in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the insightful post and keep up the head over heart -cause the heart has zero logic but a loud mouth and a pull in my brain that has caused enough pain. Heart to you

[Hidden]

LS1,

I am 61 and have never loved any woman.

Chris

😕

[Hidden]

Unfortunately not everyone finds someone. Totally understand it is difficult to be in a world that promotes coupledom as the epitome of success. But remember there are tons of people who never find someone. Try to be grateful for what you do have.

[Torri_____]

I look at the rest of my life and look back and I am ready to not buy into the have to be married to live fully. I am recently no contact for 5 months and it is court ordered and I would not have been able to institute it alone without that in place. I still have had hard days and that yearn for the man I wanted him to be. I have given enough to another but not to myself. It’s time ❤️. Love to all the ones that deserve it in my life and the time they got shafted in my pursuit of “happiness” called romance. Also nice to hear you others that are freeeee and happy to be. Happy life ahead ☝🏼

[Hidden]

No I will never meet the requirements set by conventional society & that is okay with me. I would rather learn to love myself & to enjoy the time I spend with me. I know what I bring to the table & have no trouble eating alone. Don't ever let anyone make you think that you're not enough....you are more perfect than you will ever know.