We Love To Tear Em Down, Why? - Mental Health Sup...

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We Love To Tear Em Down, Why?

alonensad
alonensad

I've written here often about how much I long to have a dating life as I'm fairly old and have never been out on a date. I talk about the lovely relationships I see on other people's social media accounts and that's when it happens: people, trying to be kind, tell me that those relationships aren't perfect as if I don't know that. Of course, relationships have ups and downs, those are natural components of any type of connection made by imperfect beings. Sadly, there are some that are dangerous and that is also a byproduct of our humanity. Some of those relationships are short, some of them seem to have always been and are neverending. What I want to know is why, in our rush to be kind, we need to tear them down? We all know that what goes on our social media accounts is edited, that's nothing new. I'm talking about why we seem to love to tear them down without even knowing if they are one of the "sad" relationships or one of the healthy ones. I've never had one. Good or bad. I want the ups and downs, I want to meet a family that is not my own. I want to FINALLY bring someone home for the holidays. I want my family to stop looking at me as a child and feeling sorry for me behind my back. Of course I know that can't happen now but sometimes it's all I can think about and when I do that here, people feel a need to let me know, like I'm not a womna of 46 years who has seen plenty of good and bad relationships happen to other people, that I'm not seeing the whole truth. I know that.

I suppose it's also human to tear down what seems too perfect to save ourselves from wanting it too much.

That doesn't work for me. I still want it. I'm still here and I get to want things.

26 Replies
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Hidden
Hidden

Hi Alone,

I'm around your age and haven't been on a date for quite some time (15 years).

There are different reasons, but shyness was probably the major factor.

I don't know if I will get into romantic relationships again. I have a passion for music and I've put my energies into playing again. That is more vital to me than anything.

I don't have any advice (any I gave, you'd be wise to do the exact opposite)

I just wanted you to know there are others with similar stories and you should still feel good about yourself.

alonensad
alonensad
in reply to Hidden

It's beautiful that you have your passion for music to sustain you. I love theater and going to the ballet which obviously is a huge no no right now. Reading and movies help. Thank you for your sweet response and I do hope you find love.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to alonensad

I've only been to one ballet and it was in Russia. I was impressed by the dancers, some of whom were still children. It was spellbinding but had a unhappy ending- I wasn't expecting that. My friend told me that a lot of ballets are tragedies (or maybe its just the ones in Russia? )

alonensad
alonensad
in reply to Hidden

Your friend is 100% correct, so many ballets are tragedies. Most long form story ballets originated in Russia as well. If you see a story ballet anywhere in the world, chances are that it is based on a ballet from Russia. I am so jealous that you got to see a Russian ballet company in Russia! I have seen The Mariinsky and The Bolshoi when they performed in NYC, no contest, they are the best dancers in the world.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to alonensad

It was at the Mariinsky. I do feel lucky.

I've only grown to appreciate dance recently, through this same friend.

It was nice "talking" with you and have a good Sunday!

Anonymous4321
Anonymous4321
in reply to Hidden

I'm thinking about playing again, too :) What kind of music do you play?

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Anonymous4321

Its in the blues and bluegrass families. I play guitar and sing, but no longer with a band. My hope is to write songs and get back with former bandmates (or new ones) and record something or play out somewhere again.

Anonymous4321
Anonymous4321
in reply to Hidden

That's great. I've checked this genre, and it seems very much American, are you American?

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Anonymous4321

Yes. What about yourself?

Anonymous4321
Anonymous4321
in reply to Hidden

I'm Polish having moved to UK recently, so we're not going to jam together :D Anyway, I'm not that good, either lol

I was just surprised a bit to run into someone saying they had got back to music at the time I myself started to think about approaching music again lol

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Anonymous4321

Music really is a special thing- I don't know anything about Polish music. I do have an old Brave Combo cd ( Polkas for a Gloomy World) and they have a couple polish polkas on it: "Breslau" and "Hosa Dyna" They are really great musicians.

I'm a pretty simple player myself. My style might bore some purists or a "musicians' musician" but that's fine by me. I'm just trying to get from point A to point B.

What style of music do you play?

Anonymous4321
Anonymous4321
in reply to Hidden

I think Polish music doesn't lag behind very much - we have very good musicians. The kind of Polish music you brought up is folk, I believe, which I'm not very familiar with.

When I was young I wanted to become a rock star lol Now, I'm interested more in classical music.

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Anonymous4321

There are so many good lessons on youtube - for everything from rock to classical. I like to use it sometimes- just for something new to hear and I feel like it gives music something fresh.

Good luck to you with the music!

Anonymous4321
Anonymous4321
in reply to Hidden

Oh yeah, I also spend time on YouTube watching interesting videos; we are lucky to have internet nowadays - there are lots of useful resources, which people didn't have 20 years ago, or even 10 years ago.

As you said previously, I'm not gonna care what people think about my playing, either. I just want to learn and play music because I like it - if I'm not very good, that's fine by me lol

It was nice talking to you, Lady, and I wish you have a beautiful Tuesday :)

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Anonymous4321

Thanks! You too!

I think re:social media is a breeding ground for people who hide behind there computers n spew hate to others.Would they do it face to face to the person..heck no..chicken shits.

Now..doesnt matter how old ya are.

Go out there n spread ur fabulous.Thats what will stand out.Dont worry about the haters.Confidence is the winner.

Im not on Facebook or Twitter, for the reason..people just cant be happy for another...jealousy.

So..moral to my long winded reply,lol..go out there ,be happy ,and u will attract the positive other half for u.😃

P.s. loving ur Banksy esk panda avatar😁

Thanks for the avatar love! I was so shocked when I found it!

Forty six and you say you are old, I do not think so.

I know of many women older than that and they are all living with someone or going on dates.

There are dating agencies that are looking for Ladies and Gentlemen in middle age and beyond. Try attending Night Classes Ballroom Dancing or similar for example, you will meet people there. Some Dating Agencies arrange night outs so you meet people in your areas etc.

There is always someone out there who is looking for a Partner, however you need to be ready to go and find someone

I am married and nearly seventy years old, and I have seen couples about my age courting.

You are still very young

BOB

Thank you for your kind response, I really appreciate it.

I guess I'm in one of those social media type marriages, perfect on paper/screen and to the big world. Truth of it is that it's probably the most unhappy, uncomfortably, tiring relationships I've been in. I know your post is about you and not me but I think I'll make my point, bear with...

I'm petrified to be alone, where do live, what do i do at weekends, evenings, how do I cook for one? But you dont come across as any of those things and you know what if I was half as strong as you I would probably walk from my 'perfect' marriage and just be...discover me, shes long lost and confused, but you are not those things. Remember there are people that look up to you and respect your strength x

Not all that strong, I live with my parents and have not had a job in a long time. I am dealing with a host of mental health issues (I think, I've never been diagnosed) and I'm too shy to even see a therapist. I'm sorry your marriage is not going well, you deserve to be happy in whatever form that takes for you.

You need to prioritise, I know its difficult when you feel so ridiculously low but if you want to start you need to know which is the first step to take...hope that makes some sense!?

Baby steps are ok, steps taken to the side are ok, they are all steps nonetheless.

It makes perfect sense! Thank you for lending an ear.

Hello, Alone,

I've never been on a real date, either. I am lucky to have experienced physical love, but it hadn't happened until my late 20s. I'm also alone; I can't find anyone I'd get on with because my life has been awful: I've got a lot of health issues, had a terrible family, etc.

I've just started to think about getting back to music, like Ladyandthepetdog (coincidence ;) ) If I can't find love, maybe I will at least play love songs lol

Anyway, I hope you'll find someone nice finally and will live happy for the rest of your life ;)

You are most kind. I hope that you find love and that your musical endeavors bring you joy.

Thank you :)

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