My family have given up with me

[harv_singh]

As per title, my family with the exception of my mum have given up on me, because I’m not working they say I’m lazy and useless and now are not talking to me. They don’t understand how much they themselves have contributed to my depression and anxiety. They don’t and will never understand, I don’t know who to turn to, I’m still waiting for my appointment with a mental health specialist.

I feel like I’m causing my mum pain by just being alive, I never wanted any of this, I wanted to be happy, but I don’t think I’m even capable of being happy anymore.

I’m tired of this, I’m tired of fighting with my family, I don’t know how much more I can take, it’s honestly getting all too much now. I’m 38 and feel like my life is over, why has everyone given up on me? Where were they when I needed help?

[Steviemay]

Hi harv first and foremost the best thing is to lock after yourself and mental health I felt same way when my anxiety and depression started my family would just ignore me and not bother. You got to keep thinking positive. Maybe find someone who can talk to you about mental health if you need a chat send me a message and I'll help if I can

[harv_singh in reply to Steviemay]

Thanks for your reply, it's nice to know I have support

[jane93p]

Your life is certainly not over, I was so poorly about 6 months ago. Now I’m like a new woman almost. Have you tried cbt therapy? Sometimes people just don’t know what to say, as you said they just do not understand it. But we all do so don’t feel like you’re alone. You are absolutely not, I promise you that. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. I found it. You have to push yourself and put in the work too. Nobody alone can fix you. It’s a “meet in the middle” kinda thing. You did not ask for what you’re going through and your mum will know that. The way you’re feeling makes you think that way. You are not lazy or useless, you are a human being facing a very difficult struggle. You are not a robot. It may be beneficial to cut anyone out who’s making you feel like this. You need as much positivity as you can find at this horrible hard time. Please believe me you can get better. Don’t give up, keep fighting xx

[harv_singh in reply to jane93p]

Thanks, I'll keep fighting. Take care

[hypercat54]

Hi this unfortunately is common in families. You just have to accept that they can't give you the support and validation you need so stop trying as you are making yourself further upset and banging your head against a brick wall. Find this outside them with friends and professionals. x

[harv_singh in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you, I've realised I need to stop caring about what my family think of me and find my own path.

[At1012]

Please try magnesium and B12 supplements. They have helped me greatly.

[harv_singh in reply to At1012]

I will look into that, thanks

[ovi88]

Hey man. I'm almost 32 and in the exact same predicament as you!! My father igonores me 24/7. I think he's actually pretending that I'm not his son but just a guy he's living with. I've been out of work for ages and he couldn't care less (except the embarrassment of having an unemployed son)! My entire family also think me lazy and a bum. One of my sisters who I actually always felt a bit closer to than the others actually once accused me of stalling and waiting for my father to die to receive inheritance!! I was so shocked, upset and mad to hear her say that. I think they all think that which couldn't be further away from the truth. I actually never asked for a dime (penny) from my father. All I ever wanted from him since childhood was emotional and moral support which he never offered.

My mom is the only person who is concerned for me and the only reason I'm still breathing man. If she weren't here, I wouldn't be either. I have no friends, no lover, no money, no nothing. But every day I send out resumè to job adverts, hoping to find a full time job to make money to afford stuff and also to be out of the home so that I wouldn't have to face my own misery. Something to keep me busy...anything.

You know I think the problem with us is that we expect and rely on others to make us feel better and give us a hand. But I've come to realize that that's stupid. Nobody really gives a shit. The only person you can truly count on is yourself. So I say screw the others, those that make you feel low or worthless everyday. To hell with them. You don't have to prove them anything. You don't owe them anything. Search for the right path on your own and ignore the ignorants. That's what I'm gonna do. Good luck with everything buddy. You're not alone.

[harv_singh in reply to ovi88]

You described my situation word for word, I hope we both find a way out of it soon, thanks for the reply, take care

[Mickle13]

No one can understand depression if they've never experienced it, even family. Hold on! Your mental health professional will give you tools to help you turn things around. Recognize that depression involves a chemical imbalance in the brain...it's not a choice we've made! You're not lazy...you have an illness that is just as legitimate and debilitating as any chronic physical disease that prevents your ability to function normally.

I agree with others who've recommended that you steer away from friends and family who are shaming you, at least for now. The effects of depression can make us feel guilty about not "doing more" and not being able to "just snap out of it". And that guilt makes us even more depresse. It doesn't work that way.

Thank you for your post. I've been feeling bad lately, and it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one. Hang on. I've had major depression for many years now, and my experience has been that with professional help and the right meds, the depression gets much better and I'm better equipped to deal with it. I still have rough times, but I try to remind myself that things will turn around again. They always do! I wish you the best of luck!

[harv_singh in reply to Mickle13]

Thank you, I feel a lot better knowing I have support on here, take care

[loggerslot]

Harv,

coming from the same background as you I can understand mental health is a taboo in our culture, there's no escaping it, no one wants to know but rather give you their 2 pennies worth of advice and it's never what we need or helps. your mum will never give up on you. you are her beloved son and I know your mum will do whatever she can for you. We just have to understand that not everyone understands how this affects a person and when you know the support isn't there then there is no use of having any expectation of support off them - it's just something we need to need to understand and in a way respect. I know calling it respect is a difficult thing to say given they're not helping your situation but in a way you draw the line in context of support. they are your family so the respect is in that context. No one wants to know these feelings we go through, circumstances has made us like this and we need to find a gradual way out of it and it is doable.

i didn't have a job for under 2 years and my savings were almost all but gone but I had to find courage from somewhere and get back on my feet and start from the bottom again but i've never looked back. I'm not saying depression will go away completely but with the right support network you can make the difference. the point is that you can make a difference yourself but take it step at a time no one can make that step for you, we can only encourage you to build that confidence in yourself that you can. that's what I've learn't from my time dealing with depression. Hope this helps.

[Chicago4178]

I understand if you ever want to talk

[Nazareth72]

Easy Dear Brother, just breathe.....when your thoughts start to overwhelm you. Just switch your attention to Us! YOu are not alone. We are here to support each other. Well done for expressing your feelings. What you are experiencing is not uncommon, My brother has been affected by the same issue. I know it feels like to too much but for now just keep visiting for understanding from people going through similar issues. Good to have you here. Qu: what work did you do before?

[Nazareth72]

Hi Brother, how is things at the moment?