It’s not that I like I want to be center of attention or need praise but i’m tired of being referee and caregiver. I love my family but as the oldest, I was expected to be a good role model and my mom’s “helper” from a young age. I like making the people I care about happy and my mom never said up front that I ‘had’ to be her “wife” but it was always implied. I do my best but I always end up exhausted and feeling neglected. I saw how much my mom struggled with 4 kids, one of which is highly autistic and manage a household; so I keep going and stay quiet because she struggled and did her best to be a good mom to the point of ruining her health.
As one of 4 kids, I had to constantly compete with my siblings for ‘any’ attention and almost every time I try to join a conversation or talk about something, someone will talk over me or everyone moves the conversation on while i’m speaking. This happens in social situations too and I’ve just given up trying to get anyone to listen to anything I say. So tired of being talked over, having my feelings downplayed and told to just be positive and nice.
I feel so lonely even at our family dinner nights because my sisters don’t want a relationship with me (i’ve tried), my brother is verbally abusive, I have nothing in common with my step dad and my mom just tells me to not be negative.
All my life, I’ve been trained to be someone’s mom and obedient wife and have no useful skill set in much else because no one ever has the time or energy for me and what I want.