Isolated from my family

[je160278]

I went home for Easter because my mum insisted that she needed me, I was very uncomfortable to when we spoke on the phone but our Grand father had recently passed away and my mum needed me so I went. My sister and me don't speak due to bitterness, and I literally ended up in the living room on my own whilst the whole family avoided to speak to me. It tore me apart.

I left, and walked to the nearby river where i used to walk the dog (whos about to be put down) I was there for hours crying my little heart out, thinking of doing the worst. No one looked for me, called or text. I came home and everyone was in my sisters flat, even my boyfriend. No one cared.

I broke down when I got in and tried to commit suicide due to everything being too much, mum called the police and I ended up in hospital for the night.

I left the next day to go back to London. I've had no calls from any of my family, or a text to make sure I'm okay.

I feel so so alone, and no matter what I do for someone else, I will always be the bad person. I care so much for every one to create a nourishing relationship but I dont get anything back. I've tried to keep positive by distracting myself with hobbies and future prospects, but whats the point if you basically have no one? Please help

[Hidden]

Hi Je.

I'm so sorry for how you feel.

It's awful to feel no one cares.

I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses for family not enquiringly how you are, but sometimes maybe they don't know what to say rnhow to approach it, although I understand if you have been unwell and spent time in hospital it would be nice to receive a message asking how ya doing...and I'm sorry they didn't ask. It means a lot to us to feel someone cares.

There are people here who care, because they understand, so you are not alone.

I hope you feel better soon. It's good we can write it hear, it helps I hope it helped you.

I have in the past called the Samaritans a few times just to voice things, that also helps me, not sure if you have ever tried that. It's freephone number. 116 123

I've had some lovely Samaritans to chat to. and it helped to voice it.

Sending you a gentle hug 🤗

🌺🌺🌺

[je160278 in reply to Hidden]

Hi,

Thank you for dropping me a message. Our family has a string of depressive people within it, even my mum. They should know exactly how it feels to be alone and isolated I've been brought up to treat others how you want to be treated back and I don't get how these people that taught me this can't follow their own guidelines, it's so confusing!

I have some of the helpline numbers on my phone, but as soon as I start crying it gets even worse, it's like I'm a different person.

It's just so sad, because I know im not the only one and there will be so many kids that suffer in silence. In some ways, if my family can't help me, I would love to help someone else. I was lucky enough to stumble across this website, because it has helped me loads to understand that actually i'm not on my own!

Thanks,

Jade x

[Hidden]

Hi my heart goes out to you as this must have been awful. Surely as your mother said she needed you she spoke to you and spoke up for you while the others were ignoring you?

Families can be very tricky and most members have their own defined place in it. Yours is as 'the bad girl'. Mine was the 'scapegoat' who my mother always thought closely resembled my father whom she hated. Consequently she would accuse me of being 'sly' 'secretive' and 'just like my father' said in very nasty tones to me throughout my childhood, when in fact I was nothing like him. I did buy into all this for years and made myself very unhappy suffering depression and very low self esteem.

Now to you. I don't know how old you are but it took me until my mid 20's to start getting some treatment for my depression. This helped a lot and let me see I was 'me' and like everyone else a mixture of lots of things and I was ok.

For your own sake you have to start understanding that no matter how hard you try you are banging your head against a brick wall and start building some defences against their hurting you. I see mine as literally a 'brick wall' in my head and very penetrates through from them. It's not easy but for your own protection you have to do it. Otherwise they will continue to hurt you.

You are never going to get what you need and deserve from them as they are either incapable of giving it to you or don't want to.

You need to look elsewhere for the love and care that you need which you will find from partners, children, friends etc. And learn to be your own best friend.

Meanwhile I would keep your family at a distance for a while certainly to avoid them hurting you further. Make your own life instead and know that you are a good person and they are not worthy of you. Surround yourself with good people and avoid toxic ones as they just drain you.

Funnily enough when I grew away from my family and became more mature and sure of myself my relationship with them changed for the better. They had to start treating me as an adult and learn my boundaries.

I have given you a lot to think about here, but it is the benefit of my experience so I hope it helps a bit.

[je160278 in reply to Hidden]

Hi,

Thank you for your lovely words. Unfortunately no my mum wasn't home, I didn't see her until things kicked off. It's hard you could be the best person in the world and you'd still be punished in some way or another. I tried to do the right thing, I did my A Levels, went to Uni, got a decent job, supported others but I'm still seen as the one that is considered an outsider, I don't know how to connect with them anymore.

I'm only 22 and I honestly am so used to being my own best friend its horrible, I haven't been able to depend on anyone else since i was 14 and it's been so so hard. I live on my own in London, with no family contacting me unless they want something, I'm on my own.

I've seeked help from counselling sessions from the age of 16, which made me question who I was, but also going on antidepressants that numbed everything, I was like a zombie. I recently sort help from counselling during the trip to the hospital, and he suggested dramatic childhood brought too much responsibility for me to bare. That's why I feel the need to help people but it brings too much stress and pain for me.

I haven't seen my family since Easter, because I am focusing on my goals and my health. However my little sister has just had her second baby and they probably all want me to visit, I cannot bare the thought of even seeing them, its so bad. I'd rather be in a room with strangers than with a bunch of people that don't care.

I have a partner, he doesn't understand. He just thinks i'm silly or I do it for attention. I feel like I can't talk to him because he doesn't know what to say back or avoids it.

I don't know, perhaps we all compare to the families that look like they have everything and I'm basically sat here on my own, waiting for someone to even take 1 minute to drop me a text. When in reality I know this isn't going to happen.

Thanks for your advice!

Jade x

[Hidden in reply to je160278]

You are very welcome. Unfortunately many people don't understand depression but it doesn't mean your partner doesn't love and care for you. It just means he doesn't know how to deal with it or know what to say. Turn your energies to your partner and keep your relationship healthy. Turn to your friends as well.

This doesn't mean continually talking about how you feel. but let their love and friendship envelop you and eventually you will realise that you are not a bad person but one who deserves the best in life. Make your own life with people of your own choice.

I am not knocking the desire to help others, but have noticed that many people do that to either avoid their own issues, or are a 'people pleasers'. It's not selfish to put your own needs first coz if you don't look after yourself who else is going to?

Also if you are happier then those around you are as well so it's a win win situation.

I think you should go back to counselling again. I know it's hard but unless you deal with these issues they will keep returning to haunt you. You have buried these painful emotions for a very good reason so it's obviously going to hurt to bring them to the surface but it is the only way, so take it slowly and work through them one at a time. There is no rush.

You might not be ready yet but the longer you leave dealing with it the longer it will take you to start understanding and learning how to happier.

Meanwhile stay with us here and we will support and help you all we can. We have nearly all been through the same or similar to you so totally get it. I know I have and do.

[3y3123]

Hello I have experienced a similar situation. I think you are a caring person and that looking for validation of who you are through them will not occur. I am so sorry that they fed you a lie about how you treat others is how you will be treated. I found that the less I focused on family, and the more I focused on treating myself in a caring way things got better for me.

You are never a bad person. I think that it is imperative that people support one another the best way possible, the fact that your family cannot do this is their responsibility and never your fault. You are worthy and deserving of compassion, kindness and love. Please give this gift to yourself to release the ties of bitterness to become free to be yourself.

I found professional mental health support really helpful in my early twenties, they can open many doors of opportunities that may benefit you. (I still need to see them for help and support sometimes.)

I hope this helped somehow. You will get through this and you will be stronger for it. Believe me.

Stay safe and well. Hugs 🤗