It’s the same every day, I wake up with the same dread, the same guilt, the same shame for being me.
I feel guilty for being here, I feel guilty for not bring the person my family wants me to be, for being broken. I wanted to make my family proud of me, I quit the drink, quit the smoking, I started learning to drive but yet the guilt and shame is still there, strong as ever.
I look at my mum and I just feel so bad for not doing more, I want to, but it’s hard, so damn hard when I’m drowning in my thoughts all the time.
I’ve prayed and asked god for a miracle, because i feel lost, afraid and most of all guilty!
I desperately want to able to lead a normal life, to have a job, partner and friends but deep down I know that I’m just not meant for this world, I’ll never be the person my family wants, I have battled this awful illness on my own for so long and I’m truly lost, I don’t know what I’m doing here, I know if I wasn’t here my mum would be on her own and she is the only reason I stay.
Life is so hard, but when your on your own it’s unbearable.