It’s the same every day, I wake up with the same dread, the same guilt, the same shame for being me.
I feel guilty for being here, I feel guilty for not bring the person my family wants me to be, for being broken. I wanted to make my family proud of me, I quit the drink, quit the smoking, I started learning to drive but yet the guilt and shame is still there, strong as ever.
I look at my mum and I just feel so bad for not doing more, I want to, but it’s hard, so damn hard when I’m drowning in my thoughts all the time.
I’ve prayed and asked god for a miracle, because i feel lost, afraid and most of all guilty!
I desperately want to able to lead a normal life, to have a job, partner and friends but deep down I know that I’m just not meant for this world, I’ll never be the person my family wants, I have battled this awful illness on my own for so long and I’m truly lost, I don’t know what I’m doing here, I know if I wasn’t here my mum would be on her own and she is the only reason I stay.
Life is so hard, but when your on your own it’s unbearable.
Written by
harv_singh
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We do not seem to know your age although if adult you need to ask yourself who you wish to please, Your MAM, Your DAD or YOURSELF.
4 words, if Adult
BE YOUR OWN MAN !!!!!
Consider your needs and consider how you wish to lead your Life, you have a Partner go for it. How is She feeling about your indecision and worry.
Yes you can see your GP and possibly be prescribed medications. Remember life is for living, you are entering a time were you have to make decisions especially if you have someone that loves you.
Parents have lived their lives and have made errors accordingly. WE LIVE TO LEARN.
Have your parents told you that you aren't the son they want? Have they shown you that they are disappointed in you? Or are you just surmising that? Do you think they only love you if you turn out how they want you too? Lots of questions I know but they are important.
Keep talking to us on here and we will do our best to support and encourage. Most of all keep yourself safe online. x
Hi harv I'm sorry to see you are so down on yourself please take each day at a time give your self a chance to change what you think needs changing! Have you tried sitting down with your mum and talk to her about how your feeling and she may surprise you! Your mum may have already picked up that your struggling so share it with her! Does you wife know you are feeling if not talk to her you need your mum and your wife's support and stop trying to deal with this your self you are setting your self up to fail! We all wish we had done things differently but you have a real chance to make a diffence to your life so grasp it with both hands! If you don't mind I will include you in my prayers God bless you harv take care david
"It’s the same every day, I wake up with the same dread, the same guilt and same shame "
"but it’s hard, so damn hard when I’m drowning in my thoughts all the time.
I’ve prayed and asked god for a miracle, because i feel lost, afraid and most of all guilty ! "
Bro, almost I'm in Same Situation , Lost the good Job ! Lot of personal commitments , many of my own mistakes ruined my life , i also quit drinking , just to avoid feelings aggravation , every day i'm waking up with shame & guilt feeling , deeply depressed , this situation is continuing for past 10 months , but I'm trying hard to move forward with the help of my friends and good souls around me ! here are some of the things i'm trying out, Started listening some good music at night before going sleep, diverting negative thoughts with some new tasks daily , surfing net for sports , political news , celebrities interviews , ypung talents in reality shows , etc, I'm nowadays avoiding people who reminds my bad issues , i came out of all social media and changed my mobile my number too, despite all these my own thoughts suddenly flashing in mind and putting me down for most of the time in a day , i have not tried any medications , i didn't consult with any doctors so far, Let's pray God to stay Stronger to come out of this situation soon.
im so proud of you..you are .meant to be here and the world needs you, me, and everyone else..your mum is here cause of you..you because of your mum..number 1 priority..you have done so well for yourself..your so strong..you gotta keep trying..smash those obstacles..i suggest you sit in a quiet place somewhere, close your eyes and think of nothing else but try to connect with your innerself...talk to it..forgive yourself..pin point whatever you need forgiveness for and ask for forgiveness..find your inner peace...keep doing it as many times needed...but just to let you know, theres a time for everything..no matter what, keep telling yourself no, im gonna keep trying..you gotta keep going for it..
It's really hard when you are on your own. I have a grown daughter but the rest of my immediate family have disowned me. They aren't good people for doing that and it's all because they are greedy. The few friends I have live out of town. I'm bored at my job, wanting something new, but afraid to start a new job after 18 years at this one. I don't know how to encourage myself. If I have a plan in mind, I don't commit to doing the steps I need to make that plan succeed. It just feels like I don't want to make progress. I'm stuck.
My mom died 10 years ago, her boyfriend 6 years ago, Grandpa 2015, Grandma April 2017, my dad July 2017, my uncle November 2017, and this January, my mother-in-law who treated me like her own daughter.
How do I encourage you? The only thing I have found that helps (besides medications that I think are helping some) is this website. Being able to see that others are going through the same thing. Getting pointers from those who have walked the same path as you. Hearing encouragement and love from strangers who may be better family than the actual ones you have.
Don't feel alone or guilty for living, Harv_Singh. Fight for all you're worth! Do what you can for your mom then maybe a little more the next week and more the next until you are giving everything that you can to her. She will always be thankful though she might not show it. And some moms, like myself, know how hard depression and inner turmoil can influence a person's psyche.
Why do you feel so guilty? Sounds like you are beating yourself up for no reason. The past is gone and nothing can change it so starting today make changes. Only you can do it. You must believe in yourself, you are as good as anyone else!
Hi there! Iv E ALWAYS and I mean since birth been the "mental" illness of my family, nothing but a disappointment, drug and alcohol addiction that lasted 25 years so as you know that's another disappointment! Never make friend's, ppl always hate my guts without even talking to me. I don't think I've ever had a friend in my 46 years of misery!!! At this point I wouldn't want any anyways so no love lost! Dogs and working with the elderly are the only friends I've ever had. I have a mental illness, epilepsy and cursed with a few learning disabilities that have caused me heartache and pain of being poor. Can't afford to even pay for the basics. This phone is paid for by my dad. I'm on disability and have been since 2007. Like you I feel why be here if only meant to be shit on. Maybe your not crapped on by ppl but as you can see I know how you feel!!!!! Never married no kids just me and my loyal dog. Anyways life is Hell as you have suffered many struggles too. I hope to God you can find the answers cause I know that pain and I'm here if you ever need to talk. If you even want to I don't know.......✌
I know that feeling as I feel I am a disappointment to my family as I haven’t been strong enough to get out of the grip of depression and then self medicating with drink. I can’t seem to be able to hold down a permanent job and I seem to fail at everything but I know that I have to just take one day at a time and continue to pray and have faith that one day everything will finally piece together and my life will finally change for the better I will have a job, partner and be able to say I did it and I am still hoping that at age 42 things will get better and I can finally just live my life for me
awww Harv you beautiful person.
You sound like you have similar thoughts as I do when I'm in my worst space. Only it sounds like yours are more extreme but I completely understand where you're coming from and have those times as well. And they are times of depression. my heart breaks for you and I know that things cannot be as bad as they seem to you right now. You must have been through some trauma in your life to get in this space that you're in. My heart goes out to you.
Please give yourself some compassion.
You haven't done anything wrong... there is nothing wrong with who you are you are fine just as you are.
One step at a time. Have you tried explaining to your mum and to a health professional how you feel. Your expectations of yourself for all at once may be piling pressure on yourself. Your internal- self talk is bringing you down. It’s negative. I can’t, I’m not? Think of I’ve achieved stopping drinking that a big achievement and all the rest you are or have achieved. You are good enough for today you’re doing the best you can one step at a time. Tomorrow you’ll make more steps start to get the confidence and sense of control of your life back steps at a time. Please ditch the negativity and what you think your family expects real or not. Keep being you and slowly building up your life and your happiness. Guilt is a wasted emotion in my opinion in this setting. You haven’t failed you are trying and trying and that will lead to the breakthrough you seek. Your happiness will return when you rid yourself of the negativity. If you’ve not done so already please seek help for your low self esteem. You are good enough!
I struggled at first then realised I had to put me first. Only I know my own heart/soul. Try positively being in the moment.. tomorrow is not promised to anyone so make the best of each moment. Look for positive things in nature like bird song and stunning trees and flowers. You might time music does it calm you or bring up melancholic feelings if it doesn’t calm don’t listen to it before sleep. Think of things to be grateful for like you woke up you got up you went for the lesson you have family. I wish you well.
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