My Home Feels Violated

[MsTree]

When I learned my husband of 42 years was having an affair with a woman at his work, I became what I called a walking dead woman. I am staying strong as best I can, but it was a sucker punch to my soul. I was also raising our grandson who is 6 1/2 since he was two weeks old. 13 days ago his father took him and I don't know where they are. My home doesn't feel like home to me right now. This other woman AND my husband have violated the atmosphere of our home. I sit here very lonely tonight missing my little boy and missing the man I loved for so many years. He chose nasty sex, they meet in the backseat of his truck, over a good woman. ANd I lost my grandson because of it. I let my misery over my marriage convince me my grandson was better in the hands of his dad. And he may be. I was a mess and he's autistic, and I felt I was failing him. Maybe my need for him is greater than his need for me. I know his daddy will protect him. I will survive this and I will come through it a stronger person, but the journey is not an easy one. I want my little boy, but I have to believe I made the right decision and if it's meant for him to be back with me, it will happen. I love too deeply and I hurt even deeper.

[Playfulner]

Do you believe in God?

[MsTree in reply to Playfulner]

Oh, yes I do. He carries me when I can't put one foot in front of the other. I knew something was not right with my husband and I prayed for God to bring all things to light. It is an amazing story and I won't get into how he slowly revealed to me what was going on but reveal to me he did. I'm hurting as is to be expected, but I know my faith will get me through the fire. Thank you so much foir replying. I was so lonly tonight I had to tell somebody how I felt.

[Playfulner in reply to MsTree]

That's the spirit, God watches over us and he never fails... He will see you through.

[BabYcatbird in reply to MsTree]

God may give you strength and comfort but what are you doing for yourself? Have you spoken with your husband about what you are both going to do?

[MsTree in reply to BabYcatbird]

My husband isn't taking me seriously because I have forgiven him of too much. I still love my husband but he's had more than enough chances to change his ways. I am filing for divorce this Monday. I've waited until I am in control of my emotions so I would make a better decision what to do. I believe we can come to a reasonable agreement on how to manage what we've built together all these years. He is a narc and has this smirk on his face like I'm not going to do anything. Then he will act like I'm being dramatic getting a divorce. He tried to downplay his actions. I know he causes me to suffer and plays head games and I am weary of it. The family is still i shock he has done this. AND HE WON'T STOP! He had changed after he came home from Iraq in 2008. He had never been disrepectful to me before, After he became verbally and emotionally abusive as well as threatening physical violence. Afterwards he tries to act like it didn't happen. It's exhausting and scary and it has me beat down,

[Summer95 in reply to MsTree]

I’m sorry this is happening to you I can’t imagine what you are going through. I would be devastated but seems you are a pretty strong woman. I do hope you put your foot down and don’t allow him to continue to walk all over you. You are better than that.

[MsTree in reply to Summer95]

I officially filed for divorce today. It's hard to leave someone you still love. But I also know he is not the same person that I married. People change. I thought at 42 years of marriage we had it made. I know I've been a good wife. I kept up my appearance because my mother instilled that in me. My mother was a 50's housewife and was always perfectly groomed. I was a roll in the yard with the pet dogs kinda kid. But I clean up well. lol