messed up my relationship

[janey61]

i,m looking for support here , i have m.e , anxiety and depression , a son with autism and abi and lately his care and needs have overwhelmed my life , then my mum got ill i nursed her for two weeks she had an op then died in itu...

my partner has not worked or brought in income on and off for two years he has ignored his debts for a flat he rarely goes to and we were at the point of him giving that up ..and living with me permanently ..

when mum was ill and dies he was amzingly supportive but i have lost the plot with stress and often get into fits of rage ...yesterday he pushed me too far and i was awful to him and him in return now he has gone home ,,,, and wont be back i doubt despite him continuosly saying he would never leave me ...

i have ptsd and abandonment issues ,,,,,he slept in a phone box till the early train so he could well be ill now as he has a bad heart but he never gets his check ups or pays his debts...he has an unrealistic idea of what it costs to keep his flat also his kids have been crying as he never goes home to them anymore but he has no gas or electric or money for food ...i guess he will sign on again now but even then he still didnt pay his priority bills .

i,m heartbroken , mum , my behaviour and now ive pushed him away for ever

sorry to go on i dont want to involve friends and family i was on phone to a friend last night for 3 hours poor woman

i think i know how you are all going to reply but i genuinely love this man and thought he loved me too i have emailed him saying ive had my blood done and will go get a mental health assessment next week and could he please fogive my awful behaviour ....he cant stand me shouting and screaming but i can seem to stop i,m so overwhelmed by the stresses in my life

[kenster1]

hi im very sorry to hear that. that really is a lot going on for you.my son is autistic 8 year old and it seems to be getting harder.im in the uk so only over the last 5 year or so more help is available with autistic children.im so sorry to read about your mum my thoughts go out to all involved.your partner might be going through a bout of depression as well im no doctor but the ignorance of his financial matters is a sign of his depression along with his heart that must be a worry to himits clear both of you need help separately and together on this one.both of you go to your gp and together to counselling.if your on the phone for 3 hours as well at least you have a good friend willing to give you that time that's good to hear.please talk to a family member as well don't be afraid it really will help you.really hope it gets better for you all.take care..

[janey61 in reply to kenster1]

thanks i dont think he will be back tbh

my son is 22 there is better help for children , am glad

yes am in uk also sawmy gp beginning of the summer he said i was overloaded with stress then before mum got ill and partners kids came for three weeks ..he did have a bit of money for that

thanks anyway i cant involve my brothers they have their own worries as for my friend i cant bother her again its not fair is why i cam e on here

[kenster1 in reply to janey61]

how would that make you feel though sounds like you miss him already that's natural though.hey friends are friends once a week even txt her first and ask if its ok to call.im sure she wouldn't mind.people on here are amazing and really helpful lets hope you get some great advice to help you.be good for you to book an appointment and try get some extra support for yourself.

[Hidden]

Janey

You need to attend your appointment first of all. Make a list of your problems and fears. I would imagine your Doctor knows the situation with the autism of your child, however put that on your list as well.

With regards your Mother it is hard when we loose someone so close to us and it can take time to get over the loss. You need to be able to talk out your loss to someone close to you like family or if not your GP. You have mixed up thoughts that need addressing.

Regards your Partner I do not know his situation however He sound like He cannot take on any meaningful decisions that would allow him to sort out His Life. He sounds cluttered and needs to address His concerns, by not passing down the clutter of His life to you and your problems. If He cannot sort things out it may end up He will be asking you for financial help, at this time that may be counterproductive for you or your Sons help and placement.

You have a decision to make, it is important for you to move on. If you need your Relationship to move on it may be a good idea to arrange both of you to see Relate to discuss the problems you have within the relationship, it would seem obvious if your Partner does not pay His Bills serious problems may arise. In that case it may be an idea for Him to see His GP also CAB to discuss the problems He has with money. Both actions could help Him address financial worries.

You have decisions to make and the need to protect you sons childhood. I do not know if your Partner is your Sons Dad all I know if He has walked out that may be a good thing

BOB

[janey61 in reply to Hidden]

thanks Bob , no he is not he was a waste of space and left us twn years ago , my sons are 26 and 22 and neither live here now so i am alone

I agree my head says if my fiance cannot adress his moeny problems it wont work as its gone on too long , i have heloed him a lot and now i am doing less which is causing more problems for him as he faces the reality of his situation . he is in and out of work and now starts a new job tuesday but hes gone home and i doubt i,ll hear from him again i,ve really messed up by being so angry and hurting him a lot ...hopefully we can work it out as there such good between us its just lifes pressure that overwhelm ..hope you are doing ok

[Hidden in reply to janey61]

I am fine Janey

We are here to talk if needed.

You be careful, good luck

BOB

[janey61 in reply to Hidden]

thankyou i do feel very lonely i,m leaving my phone of and not going on social media just in case i get bad news ...but i cant change his mind if hes had wnough ..i think the loss of mum finally hit me the last few weeks we are having to clear and sell our family home of 55 years it feels very intrusive and i am finding lots of things relating to my mum and dad and granparents so emotions are all over the place ..plus my sons carer is leaving and he will be devastated and i have to help him through this so bracing myself and for a very lonely xmas

[Hidden in reply to janey61]

Janey

Talk to your GP regards your Mothers Death, you could also discuss the loss with your family members. They find if you can talk out the good and bad times together that will help you move on. We never get over loosing close family and having to sort out items related to Her years can be quite upsetting and hard. No-one ever gets used to loss. However we have to move on and to get you to a place where you can have memories, as can family around you it will help all concerned.

In our area we have a WAKE after a funeral like most, where we can all be there together and just chat that will help as well

BOB

[janey61 in reply to Hidden]

yes we had the wake it was lovely family are good but busy m i am grreatfu; i was lucky had a wonderful childhood we lost dad 30 years ago he was 58 ...anyway i really appreciate your comments thakyou and had an email my fiance is coming back tomorrow