Is my husband depressed?

[Splash04]

He takes my daughter to school then spends the day at home doing not very much. He was very ill 5 years ago but Drs have told him health wise he is fine. He spends some of the day asleep, is irritable and does not do anything. We have no relationship as husband and wife and he seems incapable of looking after our daughter without the two of them arguing, it is as though I have two children! He does not want to do an activity outside of the home. He is supposedly looking for a job but applies to none of the roles I send him. I am exhausted by the situation and cannot take much more!!

[Hidden]

Have you asked or spoken to him at all..Have you raised with him what you have written in your post..you need to communicate with him..My dad was the same..and I saw my mother being the rock in the household..My mother handled everything for the sake of us kids and to hold the family together..of course we fought and all that comes with family life..but my mother is so strong..My dad wouldnt know how to change a light bulb..hardly had a job..sits around all day etc but he never abandoned us or had any addictions it was just him as a person..I'm sure it was hard on him to be like that but at the end of the day they had eachother..On the other hand my mum was more energetic workaholic house wife cause she thrived on doing things maybe she had no choice but we all stuck together as a family... talk to your husband and find out what the go is..bring it up slowly Maybe it's just his make up otherwise there maybe be more to reveal.. that way it will be easier for you aswell to take the next step rather get exhausted..find out and let him now how you feel to and vice versa..this is based on the very little you wrote..So its little things unless there's more going on in your family life..I'm sorry I don't know much coz I'm not married or have kids and am a male but just my five cents..and really it's more that I hear you and wish you good luck and the best..

[blackcat64013]

I agree with Ellinaki. Communication with the other person is most important. You need to find out if he is demotivated (feeling less interested in or enthusiastic about something) or depressed.

We all have an inner voice that tells us when we need to have a difficult conversation with someone—a conversation that, if it took place, would improve life at home for ourselves and for everyone else. Fear drowns that inner voice so we put the conversation off.

If you don't talk with him, he will continue to engage in interpersonal conflicts and exhibit the toxic behavior you have described. The consequence of not having that uncomfortable conversation is costly as you have found out.

Handling the difficult conversation requires skill and empathy and it requires the courage to go ahead and do it. The more you get into the habit of facing these issues squarely, the more better you will become at it.

If you use Dr Google to search for "how to have a difficult conversation" you will find lots of hints and tips.

Take the ones that you feel comfortable using and you should feel much better about your situation.

Take care of yourself first and foremost, perhaps even have a session or two with a counselor to discuss the situation.

[Blueshirt]

When you say he was very ill 5 years ago what was the illness? If it was a mental illness the chances are that it won't have just disappeared. Right now I guess he's hurting deep inside and unable to cope. Simply getting your daughter to school is a great achievement and probably keeping him going. If you and he could go for some longish walks it will give him some exercise and endorphin release that will hopefully kick start getting him combating his depression. I'd recommend you saying you need the exercise and could do with some support from him in doing it by him coming with you.

Good luck

[Hidden]

Essentially I agree, you need to talk and hopefully your husband will begin to open up to you. I’m just guessing but does he feel almost like you have taken over the stereotypical role of the man of the house? Perhaps he just needs reminding that your family needs the important role he also plays in your family. Just guessing but essentially could be lots of things built up overtime. Definitely need to try and spend a little time doing something as a couple, if you can get a babysitter for one evening and hopefully then he will start talking about his feelings / issues. (I am no relationship expert though)

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Splash04, Welcome this community. I think the advice that you have received from folk here already, is very sound, communication is a key to good relationships. He maybe finding it difficult to know what he feels, or how to express that for fear of being misunderstood. He may well be experiencing symptoms of low mood/depression, and it may help to suggest a visit to the doctor to have a chat with them. You may both benefit from talking therapies, individually and/or together. You may like to check out Relate relate.org.uk/relationship-... You need to take of your own mental and physical health too.

Just some ideas to think about. Maybe others here can offer some more suggestions.

Take care. Keep in touch.

[Findingme]

Hello Splash04,

What you said about your husband being very ill in the past is interesting. We can jump in to help a person who is desperate because we are kind and caring or because their need is obvious, but it can backfire if they are the sort to take advantage of you. Sometimes you are better off being alone, or you risk becomig seriously depressed yourself. Maybe some time out would be helpful, but be prepared for it to be permanent if he finds someone else who is prepared to nursemaid him.