Confused

[Hardtotalk]

So confused at the moment. I don’t want to be here but I don’t want to die. It’s as though I just want to sleep to pass the time. I have two daughters who live with me and I have started to feel like they are a burden as if they weren’t here, I would have took my own life a long time ago. I don’t feel depressed as such, I just don’t want to be around anymore. I can’t understand what is going on. I take antidepressants and have been for the past couple of years.

Has anyone else had this weird feeling, I say weird as I don’t feel like it’s wrong as such. It just feels right

Thanks

[Missy_D]

Reading your post was like looking in a mirror and seeing my on reflection. You have described me and how I feel perfectly. As you say it's weird, for something that feels right. Like you I still have a child (19 year old) living at home and that is my argument for not taking my own life, although I will admit to struggling with those feelings. I don't think I want to die but I do know I don't want to live. I have been on antidepressants for 4 years continually, and on & off for 16 years prior.

I can't offer any explanation but it is strangely reassuring that I am not alone. Xxx

[Stilltrying_]

Hi there I don't have any children but I can sympathise with your feelings. Sometimes it is hard just living but we have to keep trying. That's my take at the moment anyway. Though many times I have wished that something would make it all just be over. Then I have days when I'm glad it isn't and at the moment for the past three weeks I haven't felt too bad and I am living for my dad who is 96 and I would never desert him.

[Hidden]

I do know what you feel like. I have been there not so long ago- last weekend, in fact. However, I have had a good couple of days. Please know you are not alone!!!

[Hidden]

Can you explain any positive thoughts you have had since your your Depression

How old are your children.

BOB

[Hardtotalk in reply to Hidden]

The only thoughts I have are not being here, it seems the right time. As long as my daughters have somewhere to live (which they will have) I have been thinking of accidents to make sure my insurance pays out. I want things to go smoothly for them afterwards

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Hardtotalk and thank you for your post. As other members have posted, you are not alone. Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? He/she will be able to help and support you. You could be referred to the local Mental Health Team who could talk to you and together, you could try to establish the reason you feel this way and the best way forward. Sometimes, people are helped by keeping a diary, by writing down how they are feeling. Also, it may be a good idea to discuss medication with your GP and consider if different medication may help you. Please stay on this caring forum and you will receive help and support from other members. Are any other members able to help Hardtotalk, please? Thank you and best wishes.

[Hardtotalk in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thankyou for your reply.

How can I approach my GP when I don’t feel like there is anything wrong.. if he asks me if I’m feeling depressed.. my answer would be no !

I would feel like it’s a wasted appointment.

My daughters are young adults, so would be ok, I have waited for them to grow, I’m not completely heartless.

I hope you understand, this isn’t something I haven’t thought about,it just seems the right time now, I just need to sort my affairs thoroughly beforehand.

[Hidden]

If we are considering Suicide, you need to ask yourself how your daughters will feel at your loss, they will look on your decision and understand future decisions in their lives will be so profound it will direct them down a pathway they will never understand, not only your health also your lack of understanding of their future needs.

I tried Suicide now many years ago, those now around me, My Wife will never forgive the attempt I made and the actions She needs to follow to keep me safe. Consider that regards your family and stop expecting an easy life pathway for those who you leave behind. They will live with your decision as will your children. You will leave memories of your actions to not only your children, also your Grandchildren

Get help and be brave, If you feel changes need to be made to your life fair enough make them and move on. You not only need to take control of your life, you need to be there for future generations that sprout from your children. I would imagine that alone will be something to look forward to.

BOB