I need some... love?: I know this is... - Mental Health Sup...

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I need some... love?

sliverofsilver
sliverofsilver
18 Replies

I know this is utterly and truly needy, but I’m a recovering anorexic, and I feel really horrible about myself. Really, really horrible. I really just want to cut all my fat out with a knife. I just need some sort of reassurance that I’m not some big fat ugly monster, because that’s what I feel like I am. I feel useless, like it’d be better without me. My dad could go abroad for work, we could move house and he could get a consultant job, my mum could start working again, and they’d both be a lot less stressful. Nobody tells me that I’m not a bad person. In fact, I was raised to believe I was a bad person. Every time I did something wrong, I’d get told, ‘you’re a horrible daughter, I don’t know how you went wrong like this’. Even when I couldn’t grasp a math concept, that’s what I would be told. So for once, I just need some love.

18 Replies
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hypercat54

Hi silver. Oodles of love here for you. xx

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sliverofsilver

Thank you :)

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Where_is_normal

Hi Silver so sorry your feeling this way, remember you’re beautiful inside and out, I can tell you’re a great person because you wouldn’t be on here caring for others. I know it hurts to hear that from your parents, hope you have support from other people in your life. Unfortuanately parents, the ones we’re suppossed to look up to, obviously have there own problems that they never got help with. I’m here for you, hugs!!🐻🐻🐻 (teddybears?)

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sliverofsilver

Aw, thanks for putting a smile on my face. Really appreciate the hugs (and the teddy bears!)

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borderriever

Hello

Like you I have gained little confidence from my Family and to be honest I let them walk over my live without a care when my two siblings were brought into the world

Possibly your eating concerns MAY have stemmed from those earlier times. As far as I can understand you are a sensitive person who needs to gain confidence in your life. You also need to understand the need to move on and achieve the life you wish to lead.

You are recovering now and with positive help and support you will move onto better times.

Personally I do not feel you are not a bad person, you are someone who wants to achieve a more positive attitude to yourself mentally and physically. Remember most people need some weight to be more at tune with life generally. You will gain confidence and become more healthy because of it

If you are feeling overwhelmed at this time your GP can help you move on.

Make a list of your concerns etc and show your GP the problems and fears you have.

When it comes to Maths and Sciences at College I was a dead loss, not everyone is a budding Mathematics person. It took me time to know my calling and when that happens life seems to push us along to more interesting achievements

BOB

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sliverofsilver

Hi Bob, thank you. Last night was just the worst I’ve ever felt. I’m lucky to be alive, really. I got a grand total of one hour of sleep, and although I’m exhausted as heck, I’m feeling a little better, but you added some more happiness on, so thanks.

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Derbyian

I don't know you, but I feel your pain screaming out through your writing.

There are people out here who support you and want you to succeed in whatever you choose. I wish I could wave a magic wand to help

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sliverofsilver

Hi Derbyian,

Thank you. I wish things could be fixed with a magic wand too, but unfortunately life just isn’t like that. And again, thank you for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it.

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ShellofMyself

Sending lots of hugs and love your way. If you ever need a "pick-me-up", send me a message. Sometimes, I need a little cheering up, too.

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sliverofsilver

Hi ShellofMyself,

Aw, thank you 😄

Have a good day!

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Hidden
Hidden

Stay strong my dear, you are loved.. you are beautiful...you are perfect just the way you are. I have a 15 year old son who has body dysmorphia, anorexia and bulimia. He started at 13 and is in another episode right now... so I know what you are going through. His started from the abandonment first by his biological father then his step father at 13. He was also bullied at school for being a little chubby but he is a very handsome young man and I tell him everyday how loved and perfect to me he is but he still struggles. I'm sending you big warm hugs just like I give him everyday. Im here if you ever need love or some one to just talk to. Stay strong beautiful. XXX💛💙💜💚❤🌺🌹💐🌸

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sliverofsilver
sliverofsilver
in reply to Hidden

Aw, thank you so much. Tell your son that I know how hard it is, but that he’s awesome and that I know he can do it. If you want, you can take a look at a recovery inspiration post I put up two days ago and if it’s to your liking, perhaps show it to your son:

healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

It’s kinda leaning on the eating disorder side of recovery (but will work for others too) just because of course, I have an eating disorder myself. Best wishes to you and your son.

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to sliverofsilver

Thank you so much Dear ❤

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borderriever
borderriever
in reply to Hidden

We are both overweight, mind in some ways a slight increase in weight may be considered a help, We are in some way a better cuddler. However the Political correct may disagree with above explanation for us who are oerweight

BOB

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to borderriever

What are you talking about?

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to borderriever

Who are you calling overweight here?

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Petitepam

Hi, it makes me sad to hear what you are going through. The only person you can change is you. Love yourself accept the guidance and resources that are out there. You're lack of eating disrupts the functioning of your brain biochemically and hormonally. Try to look into nutrition and foods that are good for brain function (little changes wiĺl get you there) and this change and practice will get you through your education. The most important person you need love from is you.

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sliverofsilver

Hi Petitepam,

Thank you for replying! Yeah, I am eating a little more now, which I really hate, but my parents are hell-bent on getting me to eat, so, that’s just how life is. I will say, it’s incredibly hard for an eating disorder sufferer to love themselves, because the entire thing revolves mostly around hating yourself. If food didn’t make me fat or gain weight, then sure, I’d eat it. And why am I scared of getting fat? Because I hate myself and believe I’m already fat and (obviously) don’t want to get fatter. But I understand beginning to love yourself is part of recovery, and I have to try. Best wishes.

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