Feeling down

[Light18]

Hello guys I don’t know what is wrong with me.

I should be happy and grateful for my life but it seems like I just can’t be. In general I really should not complain I live with both of my parents, I have friends and I always have food at home but I just feel empty.

I feel like my problems are suffocating me but I can’t talk to anyone about it. The only person that would listen is my mom but I don’t want to bother her nowadays. I used to be bullied pretty badly and I think I was depressed (and suicidal maybe? Not that I would ever be brave enough to do something). I didn’t tell anyone but when my mom found out I wasn’t happy she was so sad and I feel bad for causing her to feel this way. She thought it was all her fault and I want her to be happy so talking to her is not an option. I used to talk to one of my best friends but I bothered her so much and I feel like she is tired of my whining.. so I’m always “happy” around her.

My problems may seem not too bad to any of you but I’m suffering and just want it to stop.

I have a friend in school that I see every day. On the bus ride, in every class, every break just everywhere. She claims I’m her best friend but sometimes she ignores me, tells me how dumb and useless I am and just reminds me of everything I did wrong. It’s horrible and she does this every dayx. At one point she’s super friendly and in the next second she’s cold and reserved and I feel like she hates me.

The next problem is my dad. He has problems too and I get how it can make you feel but I feel like he uses me as an outlet for his frustration. Nothing I do is good enough! It doesn’t matter what I do he always finds a way to criticize me. And when he’s not criticizing me he is ignoring me completely. I can talk about whatever he doesn’t care as long as he can’t twll me what I’m doing wrong. He tells me I have to eat less because I’m fat, he tells me to hurry up with my drivers license and discourages me all the time.

Those problems made me feel super sad but slowly I just fell empty.. I still cry all the time but my “everyday-emotions” are fear, sadness , anger or nothing.

I can’t live like this anymore but I can’t change my situation! I can’t do anything to make it better and I wish I had someone to talk to so I wrote this.. maybe no one will reply but at least I could get these words out. If anyone sees this and has an idea how to help I would appreciate it but I know this is hopeless and I’m stupid for being sad you don’t need to tell me.. I’m just afraid this blue feeling will turn into depression and I can’t go through that again.

sorry for spelling mistakes and for the long text

I hope you have a nice day.

[Lynzhoppy1]

Hiya hun,

Firstly you are not stupid for being sad! You can not help how you feel but you can do things to help. Such as listening to your favourite music, reading, going for a walk, spending quality time with your mum and close friends, writing down how you’re feeling, telling yourself 3 positive things each day in your life.

Have you considered talking to a staff member at school or your GP? I know you don’t want to upset your mum but as a mother myself I know I’d want to know so I could try and help.

This friend you speak of, have you considered telling her how the way she is with you confuses you and upsets you?

I don’t really know what to say about your dad other than telling maybe your mum or another adult etc how he makes you feel.

Sending you a big hug xx

[Light18 in reply to Lynzhoppy1]

Thank you for your fast reply!

I try to listen to my music or spend time with friends but I always feel like crying and I just want to be alone in my room..

I worry that everyone would find out if I started talking to a counselor and I’m afraid everything will get worse then.

I’m afraid to talk to this friend because, firstly I’m scared of her, but secondly she can be so mean and ruin everything by making me look bad in front of the others. She would ruin my reputation in a heartbeat even if I never did something to her. I can’t risk to lose the aquaintances I still have. If I did I would not be able to go to school anymore.

I talked to my mom a few months ago but she just said “sorry sweetie I can’t help you, I wish I could” so I have to keep it to myself.

I really thank you for replying, I’m so alone right now.

[Lynzhoppy1]

Oh sweetheart.. I really wish I could give you a big hug. Are you old enough to attend a GP appointment on your own? There’s no reason why anyone would find out if you saw a councillor.. I dare say this friend isn’t really a friend at all! You don’t need that kind of fear and anxiety in your life. Please find someone you trust to talk to, there are people who care and who will help. You just need to find them, I’m sure your school will have someone or your GP xxx

[Light18 in reply to Lynzhoppy1]

I wish you could too..

Yes I’m old enough to go alone (I’ll be 18 in a few weeks) but I don’t have the guts to do it. I kinda have social anxiety so talking to new people in person or in the phone is a bit hard. My mom usually does this for me (god I’m a train wreck aren’t I). That’s why I posted this on here. I have time to answer and there’s not much pressure. I would love to talk to a friend or a person that is currently in my life but I can’t. There’s no one I can think of but I can’t keep everything bottled up any longer! It’s so hard

XX

[Lynzhoppy1 in reply to Light18]

You are stronger than you think and braver than you know! Please be assured nothing bad will happen if you pick up the phone and make an appointment. It could be the first step to really helping you.. I’m currently having cognitive behavioural therapy and whilst it’s hard, I know it’s helping. No, you are not a train wreck at all. You just need a little help and support, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s very hard, you’re right. But it’s not impossible, you’ve got this. You can do it. You’re worth it. You deserve to be happy! Xxx

[Light18 in reply to Lynzhoppy1]

Thank you so much for answering and I don’t want to bother you but is it okay if I’m not? I’m not brave and obviously not strong enough to do this alone. I have the feeling that my problems are nothing compared to others so I should suck it up. That’s what brave people do right? Sucking it up and not making a fuss about everything. Which means that I’m weak and pathetic. I know that! That’s just how I am. I don’t want to be anymore I.. The longer I think about everything the more discouraged I get. I can’t do this any longer and I’m mad because of that! I’m so sorry to bother you with all of this you don’t have to reply if you don’t want to anymore.

[Lynzhoppy1]

Brave people face up to their issues, ask for help when they need it and deal with things. That does not mean you are weak or pathetic so please try not to think that.. Now I know that’s easier said than done, believe me. But the bravest thing we can do is asking for help! You are not bothering me at all, that’s what this site is for. How can say you’re not brave? You are dealing with all these feelings and emotions on your own, and you’ve come on here and aired everything! That is brave!! Xxx

[Light18 in reply to Lynzhoppy1]

But how can you say I’m dealing with my problems when I’m not. I can’t even get over the fact that my father calls me fat how can I face real problems in life? I feel so useless and it gets worse and worse but it’s very late where I live so nobody’s awake and I’m a bit scared now because I’m alone. I hate myself so much or being like this!

[Hidden]

Light19

Have you discussed your mood with your GP ? You are seventeen near on eighteen so you can make appointments now for yourself.

Make an Appointment, possibly a double one and write a list of your concerns. Your GP will listen and help you move on. I can understand how you must feel , Going to to see your GP on your own can feel daunting. However we all need to take the bull by the horns and consider your own needs, your GP will do that for you and every patient has the right to confidentiality and anything you say will also be taken in with concern for your Health. and understanding. There is no need to be frightened

BOB

[Light18 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply!

I understand that I could go and should just get over it and talk to my GP but I’m too scared and don’t really trust her that much.

I can’t help being afraid and I know I should do it but it seems so hard.

[Hidden]

Light

If you are reluctant to see the GP mentioned, are there others in the Practice that will help you. Your problem may be a lack of trust as explained, although I do feel the Doctor you have seen does know you and it would be counterproductive if She was not trustworthy.

We moved five years ago to another area, and I had to change Practice to a new Surgery. I have complex needs and it did take time to get to know the people at Surgery, Now I accept the change and I am now feeling they are now understanding my needs

We all need to consider our needs and try and give this GP a chance to prove herself to you. If you need to take someone with you, they would understand your needs generally. However I feel your GP will put your fears to rest and will take your problem seriously and show understanding for the reason you have in going to see Her

See your GP, remember you will gain confidence over time

BOB

[Light18 in reply to Hidden]

I'll keep talking to her in mind but first I would like to try and get better on my own and with the help of people on the internet ( like you; Thank you!).

I tried to talk to my mom today but she didn't really understand.. I don't think I have the energy to speak to her again so I'll just leave it be for a while now..

Thank you for replying.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Light,

Welcome to our supportive community. Well done for taking a brave step out of your comfort zone to reach out for help. As you have begun to find folks here are only too willing to come alongside you and share from their personal journeys and experiences. You are obviously having a difficult time right now, but I do agree with the great advice and support the other members have given to you. Well done everyone, you are , as ever, AMAZING! Be strong and ask for help from your medical professionals, there's a whole range of therapies that can help you.

In the meantime, do check out our Pinned Post section for free mental health guides, international crisis support helplines etc.

Keep your chin up, you have taken the first step in reaching out for help from this forum. Keep in touch!

Best wishes, MAS Nurse

[Light18 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you! Yes the people on this site are really nice and I'm glad I found Healthunlocked.

I'll make sure to check it out thank you for mentioning it.

I'll try but it all seems hopeless right now.

Take care!

[Zoea]

Thanks for sharing. I also suffered badly from bullying, until about the age of 11 in early education. People of my colour were not the norm in the area at the time (and kids can be very nasty).

I am also looking for help with that and though I get unexplainable low moods sometimes I don't have depression though I have taken Prozac in the past. With the fluorine, I'm not sure I would recommend that.

But please talk to your GP and search out some local mental health charities and organisations to get in touch with. There are also apps these days that can help you with problems like this.

Best wishes

[Light18 in reply to Zoea]

Hello thank you for replying.

I really don't understand bullying it's so awful I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I don't think my GP would know what to do because I don't think I'm depressed yet. I hope that talking to people like you will be enough.

Thank you again!

[Zoea in reply to Light18]

No problem. Perhaps me opening up and talking to people such as you will also help me a little. It was a wasted opportunity that past though.

[hypercat54]

Hi I can relate to some of what you are going through as my mother spent my childhood criticising and blaming me for many things. I asked her years later why she did that and she said she was trying to help me! Yeah right.

I remember being very depressed at 14, having other problems and feeling horrible. I tried to talk to my mother about it. She immediately cut me of with 'I don't want to hear about your problems' and this was said really nastily. That was the last time I ever tried to talk to her and realised I was on my own in life. Awful to realise that so young.

If you are nearly 18 then do go and see your doctor is you are feeling depressed or anything. S/he will understand and will have heard it all before. You can also look forward to the time when you can afford to leave home and live your own life. x

[Light18 in reply to hypercat54]

Yeah some parents have a weird way of trying to "teach" their children.. My dad does this too, although he doesn't tell me he doesn't want to listen to me he just kind of ignores me? I don't really know.

I do want to talk to a professional but I think it would be unnecessary because I'm not really depressed. Just kind of sad I think..

Thank you so much for replying and I'm sorry about your mother.

[En1234]

Hi there!!

You say you are in school? What age are you?

XX

[Light18 in reply to En1234]

Thank you for your comment!

In a few weeks I'll be 18 and I'm almost done with school but the next months seems like a lifetime right now

[En1234 in reply to En1234]

I am sorry, I can see further down the posts that you are 18. Personally, I think maybe you should make an appointment to see your GP. They may even refer you to a Counsellor, just to have a chat.

Sometimes, talking to someone can start the ball rolling and talking to a stranger can sometimes be easier as well as they are totally impartial. I know from experience that it is not always a good idea to confide in family members you are so close to!!

I wish you all the best!!

XXXXX

[Light18 in reply to En1234]

No problem X

I don't think a Counsellor is necessary when I'm just sad. I would feel guilty if they wasted their time on me when other people have bigger problems.

I hope I'll get better with all of you and by myself!

I wish you all the good things too! XX

[En1234 in reply to Light18]

You may think that other people have bigger problems but your problems and struggles are relevant to YOU. I dont think for one minute that any Counsellor would think they would be wasting their time on you.

If you think that you can get through this with the help of people on here then you have definitely come to the right place. I have got through many a down day just by speaking to my friends on here. This site is priceless!!

Just keep talking, keep sharing and I am sure you will be just fine!!

Load of love to you!!

Theresa.. XXXX

[Light18 in reply to En1234]

I hope it will get better. It would be such a relief if I could move away and forget everything but that's sadly not possible. Your kind words make all of this mess a bit easier to endure, because someone is listening to me!

XX

[Jackstoll]

Hey friend. Youre not alone. Have faith let's fighting together