The one thing that brought me to this place was the fact that a horrible work mate went behind my back to my boss and told him things that I had said. I said before on here that she had told me things in confidence and I kept these things to myself but the stuff I thought she would have kept to herself she told my boss behind my back. My boss gave me such a hard time and eventually I had to leave. I did not leave because I WANTED to leave. I left because I felt I HAD to leave. I missed my job so much and the hatred (I know this is a strong word) I felt for this person was so immense, I did not know how to deal with it. I have since had a couple of jobs and they have not worked out and I have an interview for a job next week, so we shall have to wait and see how this goes.
Anyway, last week, (I should say first that I gave up drinking months ago) I had alcohol for the first time in months and when I came home I could not stop crying and the anger I felt for this person just bubbled to the top of my head and I felt as though something snapped inside me. I really wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel as bad as me!!
I am totally ashamed to say this but I need to speak about it. I sent Facebook messages to certain friends of this person and told them things that she had been saying about them behind their backs. I even sent this person a message as well telling her how much she had hurt me and that she was supposed to be my friend and how could she have done this to me!!....
A friend of mine has been on the phone to tell me that although my name was not mentioned, it is all over Facebook about what I have done...and I have made myself look like the bad person. This horrible woman has managed to get everyone to feel sorry for her and I hate the fact that I have let myself down because I know I would never have done this if I had not had a drink!!
They do say there is nothing worse than a woman scorned and I just wanted her to hurt the way I am hurting still...
I do regret what I have done but I cannot take it back now and I wish I could.
God knows that what I have said is true and He also knows what she did to me. I feel I can start to let it go now but HATE myself today for painting myself to be a nasty person who just wanted to hurt other people to make herself feel better. I am now scared to leave the house in case I bump into any of them and I dont know what to do??.....
Written by
En1234
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Look, it will all blow over. So you got drunk and had a rant and did things you regret. I for one know that you are not a bad person. You have never come across like that on here. You are just incredibly angry about this woman betraying your trust and unfortunately when you get drunk as you know inhibitions go down, we rant, we rave and unfortunately it's there to stay on Facebook. But honestly if you see anyone just say " I know, what an IDIOT i was doing that. I'm so sorry I did it". Because I know that you ARE sorry. You just did it at the time due to all the rage you were feeling over this incident. Many would have done the same. Don't beat yourself up about it and I hope you feel better from venting on here and also that your interview goes well next week. You WILL heal in time but it is horrible when someone has betrayed you and hard to let go. Gemma xxx Also as you say God knows and you know and we know and I for one believe in you and your essential goodness. xxx
I really NEED to move on from this. It has been the root of all of the problems I have had since the beginning of this year. I am hoping that this will finally give me some closure. I obviously thought that getting my anger out on paper, so to speak, was the next best thing to seeing this person in the flesh, but I will not be doing this again..I just want to move on and, not even be happy as such, I would settle for contentment and peace..
Thanks for your message and your friendship.. It means a lot!
Theresa.. XXX
EN
When I was retired because of disability, my GP was discussing what I had gone through and said it was not me who had been hurt, it was those in my old job who would eventually feel the guilt of treating my disability the way they did. Most of the people in the Office have now died, they only had a few years of retirement before their Death, I am still around and for most of the time I have written a travel book and also traveled over the Silk Road from Venice to Xian and seen so many interesting things even though I was having so many problems with My Health.
I now understand the anger I felt at the time was counter productive and in a way I managed to have the last laugh over them. My raw feeling in the beginning was an uncontrolled anger that did not help the situation I was in. I had to move on and live my life. Now looking back I have been able to experience many wonderful things on my travels and have met some very interesting peoples.
Try and live for the day and never look back, if you do look back those people win you loose.
I went back to my work about ten years after leaving, they understood what they had done to me.
Several months ago we were having work done on our internet, one of the engineers called me by my first name, He then pulled back and went back to calling me Sir. Now I am famous with those still in my office. It was all to do with achievement, and their suprise
I feel ashamed of myself for doing this as it is not in my nature to be such a nasty person. The constant knawing away at me does me no favours at all. I tell myself that if I had not taken any alcohol then this would never have happened but then again, this is just an excuse.
I am going to have to revert back to "living one day at a time" and hopefully with time this will pass!!..
If she is any sort of person, she will be reading and re-reading what I wrote to her and feeling shame herself for turning me into the kind of person who does this sort of mad, out of character thing (although somehow I doubt it - this will be her morning coffee conversation for weeks to come)
She does not deserve any more free rental inside my head!
Today is a new day and I will try to relax and just let it go..
The world and Society can be very cruel, sometimes when we are hurt by those around us and it happens to often we are become ready to scratch back. Sometimes we leave scars.
Just like what the other person leaves, they need to expect sometimes people will do the same when pushed.
I know borderriever, ..I fell into this "lady's" trap by believing she was my friend. That is what is most shocking about all of this. When I started in the office she was the one who could never do enough for me. We would sometimes go for lunch together, sometimes she would buy lunch and other times I would buy it. Sometimes I would make us lunch and sometimes she would. She introduced me to my very first game of Bingo in a proper Bingo Hall. I didnt win anything and she won £75, of which she gave me half. She used to give me a lift into work in her car in the mornings and I showed my appreciation by getting her lunch a couple of times per week. Reading this it is therefore hard to imagine her being so nasty to me.
She worked part-time and from what I believe, she was under the impression I had got a new job and was leaving (when in actual fact this was not the case), and she couldnt have been happier because she assumed she was going to be offered my full-time hours and this would mean that she would have been able to afford the payments on the new car she had treated herself to, only when she heard I WASNT actually leaving, this left her in a bit of a financial predicament...she borrowed money for a new car on the strength of getting my job when I had left??....only I hadnt left!!
But in the end she got me out the door another way!!
They say Karma has a way of catching up with people...
Yes I know how you must feel, we are in the midst of something similar, I wonder in our case it is something to do with a new boyfriend that is working against Her friends
When we were friends, we would talk, now She is going back on agreements that will allow the boyfriend latitude over our rights if we allowed it to happen
It is sad although I knew how this friend was treating Her family and should have understood what I saw happening at that time.
We need to understand what may happen and never be shocked when a friend can turn on an old friendship
In life I suppose we make very few real friends in life, Real friends are like hens teeth
You are so right Bob. I myself have what I consider to be one really good friend. (I actually come on here a lot now because I consider people on here to be my "online friends" or my "invisible friends" - and I mean that very affectionately). I dont like to bombard my friend with things all the time but I know she is always there for me, but it does work both ways, as I am always there for her too.
Even as a wee girl I was quite a lone person. I love my own company and only crave the company of other people when I dont have a good book to read or if there is nothing worth watching on the telly!! But when I DO make a friend, I tend to want to keep this person/people in my life.
I think when boyfriends come along, they do take priority over friendship whilst the "Honeymoon Period" is going on, and a good friend will step back and just let this happen..But if a friend makes an arrangement with you and then cancels on you to be with her boyfriend instead of you, then that is different. I once had a friend do this to me as well and I felt I was justified in telling her that its true what they say about boyfriends coming and going but friends are friends for life (especially if it is a best friend), this needs to be remembered if the relationship fizzles out - thats when they come back looking for their best friend!!
This person I worked with was someone I considered to be a "friend" I would have liked to have been in my life as I thought we WERE friends. Sadly this will never happen now.
I think now the best thing to do is keep things simple. Keep the GOOD things in your life and get the BAD things out as soon as possible and dont allow them to come back in. Life really IS too short and after all of the conversations on here yesterday I have decided now that enough is enough. I think doing what I did on Facebook was me reaching my "emotional peak", I cant do anymore now. Ive got it off my chest. If I had spoken to this person, she would have probably forgotten half of what I said but it is there in black and white writing for her to SEE, so I have said my piece.
For 4 whole months now I have cried, complained, off-loaded to some really lovely people on here, allowed this person to ruin my life for that period of time but do you know what?? in the grand scheme of things 4 months is NOT a long time. Time to let go!!
I can count the number of friends on one hand now and many have either died or moved away. When that begins to happen we can become very self centred I suppose and we stick with family members, many now live two hundred miles away. We only meet and greet once a year now.
We have our Dog, PAX a Border Collie, He was left at five weeks on an Irish Ferry, Was taken in by Dogs Trust He is as bright as a button and very bright and independent with it.
I come from a massive family and we are scattered all over the globe but we are not close, which is a shame.
Sometimes I think we are better off with animals than people.
They are always loyal and never let you down.
I hope you have had a good day today. Mine has been rather peaceful. I went for my 2 hour walk. Met an old workmate from years ago while she was out walking her dog and stood and had a chat for almost half an hour. It was lovely catching up with her. Then I went to visit my mum for a cuppa and a chat. I then came home and had a lovely bubble bath and now I am sitting having had a lovely dinner, watching the telly. Right now I am feeling the way I SHOULD be feeling and looking forward to my interview on Tuesday.
I hope you have a lovely weekend and thank you so much for all your kind words of support this week.
We have been out in the car and Pax disappeared for half an hour on the beach.
He comes back when it is time to go home, He was paddling in the sea this pm and He is out at the min across the fields somewhere, in fact He has just returned with my Wife
You are having an interview good luck with that, what is the job ? Let us know how you get on
It is a Bank Holiday this weekend, so Pax will be back on the beach tomorrow, if it gets a good bit warmer will have a Picnic , wishful thinking lol
Pax sounds like good fun and I'll bet keeps you fit!!
Im going for an interview for Admin Assistant in a local office. Ive got the experience and more than qualified. (Ive been a Legal Secretary for the last 14 years, so I stand as good a chance as any).
I'll keep you posted and let you know how it goes. Weather permitting I might find myself on a beach this weekend!! Fingers crossed!!
XXXXXX
I too have been on the receiving end of a so-called friend's stirring - and downright lying - in order to cause me distress and make herself feel better. I know how hurtful and disappointing it is. The experience has, rightly or wrongly, made me have trust issues as it appears others are only too quick to believe anything negative. I too could disclose things about her - truthful things - that would show her in a really bad light (e.g. she is racist, she steals postage and stationery from work, she says really insulting things behind her employer's back, she negatively gossips about her neighbours) but I refuse to do this as it brings me almost down to her level. I can fully understand you exposing things about her after having a drink. That's the thing with drink - it seems like a good idea at the time...! Anyhow, at least you acted out of character due to alcohol, whereas she got you into a bad situation whilst stone cold sobre and was fully aware of her actions. She is the bad person here. Don't beat yourself up about it. If people want to side with her, then more fool them. I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you. I wish I had had your intelligence and NOT lifted the alcohol that night. As you so rightly say she is the person who has caused me this pain and anxiety, not to mention my job and I did what you refused to do. I told her 2 friends what she had said about them behind their backs and it has totally backfired on me. She is the one they are siding with and sympathising with. I have just come from the shop across the street where one of them works and was hoping to apologise and say I should not have involved her etc but she would not give me the chance to speak. She just ripped into me (and fortunately for me there was no other customers about to hear her), said I was out to hurt her and that I was nothing but a nasty bitch and never to speak to her again. She would not listen to me when I tried to speak to her but said what she had obviously been rehearsing then just stormed off.
I feel totally gutted and hate myself even more for this, knowing that I have made MYSELF look bad. I wanted to hurt this horrible wee person and all I have done is hurt other people and myself as well.
I am ready to go for my walk this morning and I have a feeling that I will be walking further and longer as I really need to get my head around this.
But you are right about one thing though. She did what she did to me when she was stone cold sober. I think where I was concerned there was always an agenda. I had to be drunk to be that nasty and now I am hating myself for it.
I feel like i want to stand up and just shout out loud This is what SHE did to ME!!!
Like I said in an earlier post, God knows Himself what happened. Who is the innocent party and who is the guilty one??..
Could you not go on Facebook again and explain the situation? I'm sure most people understand that having a drink can make us do and say things we wouldn't normally do. At least then it is out there. You could apologise on FB too (although personally I don't think you have anything to apologise for) and explain how hard you have been finding things since giving up a job you enjoyed. It might be worth a try. If you explain and/or apologise, then you will know you have done all you can and hopefully rest more easily. x
Hi there...I did apologise on FB to both of these people yesterday, whether or not they have read it I dont know. The person who shouted at me this morning would not give an inch when I was trying to speak to her (to be honest, she is as hard as nails and I dont know that I would even try and speak to her again). I asked her if she would "listen" and she said "No you listen, your are a nasty bitch and I dont want you to ever speak to me again!". I suppose in that respect I am off the hook because if I dont speak to her then there is nothing to say. Its not as if she was MY friend but I did have a chinwag with her now and again when I went in to do my shopping and now that wont happen.
What I told her was not nice and I understand that but nor was it a lie either?
I will just have to leave it and hope that God will forgive me for what I did. They do say that "Hell hath no fury like a Woman scorned" but I cannot be angry all the time. Right now if I am honest, I am blaming her for everything that is going wrong in my life but I think once I get into a new job, relax and learn instead of being anxious all the time, I can finally let this go..
I was wrong, I have admitted I was wrong, I have tried (unsucessfully) to apologise, what more can I do??
Thanks for taking the time to send me this post. I do appreciate it..
You've done your best to put things right, so try forgiving yourself. If they can't accept your apology, then that's their problem. Yes, just try to move on and put it all behind you. I wish you every success in finding another job you enjoy, hopefully with decent people rather than that horrible two faced person who forced you to leave your other job. x
Thanks!!. I know I need to look forward to Tuesday now and just focus on my interview. Going to practice my answers for questions they are likely to ask me and try and think of the questions that I need to ask them (they say you should always ask at least 2 questions at an interview), so hopefully I will be sending you a message soon with better news...
It would be lovely to meet new people but I probably will keep my distance now. This person has taught me that I need to be wary of folk now and that is a shame but yet again, a lesson learned.
I once heard a wee saying (and this definitely suits that awful woman)
"Beware of everything you see, even salt looks like sugar".
Thank you and yes you are very right. The best laugh is I never did Facebook. My friend told me I was "behind the times" and needed to be on it as it is "really good". I suppose it is really good if used correctly. She set me up on it and I am afraid, being 3 sheets to the wind, feeling angry and resentful, the temptation was too much....
Some of the most ridiculous things happen when you mix fb and alcohol, least you got the guts to own it,get up shake yourself down, few deep breaths and crack on.fingers crossed for ya but I bet things get sorted.
Thank you! The support from you guys is great. I hope to be looking back on this as yet ANOTHER learning curve..
You will be glad to know I have "Deactivated" my account, I cannot remember my password so there will be no chance of me logging in again even if I wanted to!!
Ok I agree that it was probably not the most sensible thing to do, but it was honest. Later, after the dust settles, maybe the person you criticised will think again and realise she hurt you, and was wrong. She may never admit it, but maybe it will have an effect.
As for those who are supporting her now, all it takes is for her to repeat her behaviour with them and they may change their tune.
I recommend you forgive yourself the momentary fall when under the influence and continue living according to your own values.
Thank you for your kind words. This is an experience I wont repeat I can promise you (and myself) that. And you are so right when you say that she will never admit to anything. I have got my own good friends who know that I would never normally behave like this. Sometimes when someone hurts you as badly as this, all rational thought goes out of the window and is replaced by anger. I was not focusing on forgetting her and moving on, all I wanted to do was get my own back, but was it worth it??... No, sadly it wasnt...!!
I know I have let myself down badly but I also know that people make mistakes. The mistake I made was not sending those vile messages. The mistake I made was having that first glass of wine. I can only hope that I never feel that need to have another glass of wine as I know the damage it causes. Someone once told me that whenever you feel you really want to have a drink, pick up the wine bottle and imagine the picture on the label is a skull and crossbones with the word "Poison" underneath it....This does actually work.....only the last time I picked up the wine bottle, I forgot to use my imagination!!??
En, I've just caught up, having been busy in my sewing room for a few days. I'm sorry you've had all this upset but I'm so happy to see that you seem to be on a more even keel again. Don't worry any more about what you did on-line - that person obviously deserved it, you had your say and now you can move on. Also don't worry about the person who turned against you because of it - they obviously don't get what you were so upset about and have no empathy otherwise they would understand, so try to put them out of your mind because they're not important.
Good luck for your interview on Tuesday - it sounds much more up your street than the call centre job and I'll be rooting for you!
Thank you so much my friend and lovely to hear from you. I hope you are well and that life is being kind to you..
I can honestly say last week was a nightmare but I am so glad in a way that it happened because as you quite rightly say I can (at last) put it all behind me now.
It is a lovely day today here in sunny Scotland and I have got up, had my breakfast, after I post this message to you I am heading down to the wee park (Ive got my own spot!!) to start reading my new book.
Going to come home later and between tonight and tomorrow I will be going online to the website of the company I will be interviewing for to check up on everything they do, so when they ask "what can you tell us about the company, what is your understanding of what we do?", I should be able to tell them and at least they will know I have bothered to get prepared. As far as I know there will be 2 women interviewing me and my time slot is 12 noon to 1.30pm. But really looking forward to it.
I will definitely keep you posted and hopefully (considering the last 2 posts didnt work out) this will be 3rd time lucky!!
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Need to get this off my chest
AArgh!
What to do?
