Confused

[Roses55]

Hello

This is my first post.

I'm not entirely sure where to start but i will try. I am 27 years of age. I have a full time job. For as long as i can remember i have suffered from anxiety - i remember as a child been so nervous, sickly anxious about going to new places. It wasnt until i was 21 that i got diagnosed with anxiety. I have had counselling and CBT to help which has but i am still suffering daily. I cope by taking each day as it comes really and just wingi g it!

Of late i have been having suicidal thoughts and feeling so low and hopeless. I haven't acted on my thoughts but i am so worried that one night i will. I have felt this way for a while and it comes and gos. Usually lasts a week or so at a time, during this time even the smallest of tasks like getting out of bed is such a struggle. Its not yet affected my work but i do struggle. Sometimes i just feel like crying and screaming because i dont understand why my head is like this or why am i still living.

Im at a point now where i need help. My family can see im not ok and are getting worried.

Im worried if i seek help it will affect my career as i work in education.

Can someone help or advise.

Thank you x

[Dragon1940]

I give you my deepest sentiments & apologize for you feeling the way you do. No one should feel so hopeless that suicide is the best route. But I implore you to at least consider my words. Your strategy of taking each day as it comes is wonderful & as you stated has proven effective already along with your counseling & CBT. Hence you should continue in those paths to keep up your happiness & mental state for as long as possible :). In addition, you are a person in the field of education! I can't even begin to imagine the way in which you may have a wonderful impact on the youth! That alone I will commend you on! Anyone who goes through the self-sacrifice needed for a career in Education is a hero! Without a doubt :). You should continue living imagine all the adventures or experiences you haven't made yet you'll miss out on them if you take the permanent route! I know anxiety sucks but just use that CBT training! & I, a total stranger, believe in you! When you are feeling stressed, depressed, anxious, etc. talk to your parents or on here I dearly hope you feel better soon! A hero shouldn't ever have to feel down

[lin62-65ze]

Hello Roses55 I read you post and feel deeply for you. You really do need to contact your GP and ask for a referral as the fact that you are doing CBT which is good and helps but you are not conquering this. It is clear to me you are are need of some medication, as much as you do not want this you cannot continue feeling so down and wanting to commit suicide which really alarms me. I suffer with bi polar and help a government job for years, it was stressful too but because of my medication I was able to cope. Your being in education is brilliant and you should have a good system in place which supports you, I had counsellors, etc especially when I went sick once due to bullying. One girl in my office used to arrive at work at 1050 am and leave at 1500 hrs as she was diagnosed as being clinically depressed. I am 100% positive your job will support you. Please get help ASAP as you have so many good times ahead of you, love Helen xx

[sfortne]

I am a retired educator. It is both a rewarding job, but a relentlessly stressful one. Evaluate yourself and see if the stress is coming from your job. After work, I would get out in the sunlight. Vitamin D from the sun is an incredible mood lifter. Go to a beach somewhere on the weekend and just sit and read a book. I'm 7 hours from the beach, but just sitting and listening to the surf is incredibly calming. Find your happy place. Maybe its on a porch or tramping through the woods, but you need to find things that calm you. Build those memories of calm experiences, and then when you can't be in the place that calms you, you can bring up those calming memories.

[Roses55]

Thanks all for your kind words.

I have made the step and self reffered myself for help. They rang me 5 hours after the referall and im booked in for an appointment..They are quite worried about me...

Today has been ok. I struggled massively to get out of bed this morning but i did it. Now im home my head is foggy, i cant stop moving/fidgeting and im speaking 10000 miles an hour. I dont know why i feel so hyper but low. Its a weird feeling.

Anyway im glad I've made the first step to getting help.. i cant keep living like this nor do i know how long i can for...